Getting away from Nothing

This week has been as unhurried as a sloth. I've spent my days strolling down the tranquil, deserted beach or curled up with a book traveling to places not so far away.

How do I change?

How do I change?
If I feel depressed I will sing.
If I feel sad I will laugh.
If I feel ill I will double my labour.
If I feel fear I will plunge ahead.
If I feel inferior I will wear new garments.
If I feel uncertain I will raise my voice.
If I feel poverty I will think of wealth to come.
If I feel incompetent I will think of past success.
If I feel insignificant I will remember my goals.
Today I will be the master of my emotions.

-Og Mandino,

Fed Up

Dear Mr. Obama,

I know you are running for President of the United States. I know a lot of people have donated tons of money to your campaign and you feel you must spend it.

All.

You know why I know this?

Because I have heard your stupid commercials a billion times. I hated to turn on my TV prior to this but now I am considering having the cable disconnected.

I hate listening to the radio now. I used to love to listen to it. Not any more. The five minutes I have in the car on the way to and from work is now taken up with your "spots".

SHUT THE HELL UP!

I am tired of it. I am tired of you.

I am tired of people calling my house and waking me up to see if I am going to vote for you.

HELL NO! Does that mean anything to you?

I realize you are keeping the printers, the post office, and the garbage men employed. But, send your damn flyers to someone who cares. And that is not me. Go drop them over Iraq or Africa. They need toilet paper over there.

I used to love the internet. Not any more. Your face pops up everywhere I click. Get a life. Get out of mine.

Now, today, you violated my cell phone. I got a stupid voice mail about your campaign. I couldn't hit #7 fast enough to delete it. It is now contaminated. I started running around like Lucy when Snoopy kisses her. "BLEAGH! Get hot water! Get some disinfectant! Get some iodine!"

Why don't you use the money you have received for some good? Bail out the stupid banks with it. Don't take any more of my hard earned money. You want my vote? Put your money where your mouth is. All talk and no action doesn't do a damn thing for me.

So shut the hell up. Quit wasting money trying to convince me that I want you to be my President. If you're going to run the country like your running your campaign then we are in a whole lot more trouble than we are now. You are showing no responsibility. None.

Leave my health care alone. It's fine. If I'm sick. I go to the Dr. They take my $20, tell me what's wrong and send me to the pharmacy for my $5 prescription. I can handle it.

Leave our military alone. They have a job to do whether or not you agree with it. It employs my three boys. They are earning a decent wage and learning discipline, self-respect and a trade all while protecting the very freedoms you enjoy.

This is supposed to be OUR Government. I don't want YOUR Government to control my life. I can and do make responsible decisions for myself. I don't need someone to make them for me. Leave me the hell alone.

Got it? I've had enough. That goes for every politician. Straighten your own life out. Mine is just fine.

Time Marches On

I'm adjusting to being alone. It sucks. I'm not adjusting well. I'll get there. It has only been a week.

Encouragement

"When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place."

~ Unknown

Overall, emotionally, I've done pretty well the last couple of days. Now, if I could just get rid of this cold.

One to go...

Improviser came over tonight. Waltzed into the kitchen and the next thing I knew he was cooking me dinner. The only one of my three boys that cooks. He made Chowhound a chocolate cherry cake with fudge icing before he left for bootcamp. It was made from scratch. No box, no mix. He shows love with food. I love this about him. I am going to miss him so much. These next two weeks are going to be special since it will be the first time since he was 16 months old that he didn't have to share me with his brothers (he's 22, do the math, it's been a looooooooong time). I am going to cherish every moment.

Daredevil is packed up and turning his cell phone off tonight. He starts his journey towards Iraq tomorrow. I told him to keep an eye out for his cousin who is packing up and leaving Iraq Thursday to come back to the states. Who knows, they may just cross paths somewhere while in transit. I sent out a care package today so he should get it upon his arrival. Please pray for his safety in his travels and for the next seven months. Please pray for all of our troops.

Chowhound is in day 2 of bootcamp. He is sleeping in hallways, getting yelled at, and having his head scrapped bald. He is going to look like this again.


This picture cracks me up. He insisted that I shave his head. I cried. He was happy as a clam. I doubt that he is smiling now. Only 13 weeks to go.

Day 2-

Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years of child-rearing, they are unemployed. (Erma Bombeck)


I'm not unemployed. Now, I'm a consultant. I should start making the big money now. Oh yeah, parenting pays in hugs and I love yous. I'll take that.

Day 1 of being on my own

"And I know what I have to do now. I gotta keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?" (Cast Away)

This is how I feel today. I heard this quote before I cried myself to sleep last night. I'm a big girl. I can do this. I realize I have been way too dependent on my children. It's time for me to figure out what I want to do when I grow up.

As a kid and teenager, I always felt lost. There was this empty space inside of me that longed for something. I tried to fill it with activities and friends and then booze and other unhealthy stuff. Nothing filled that void I felt. I graduated from high school at 17 and had no direction, no goals, no aim. I took the path that I was told I should. I got a job, signed up for a full schedule at the Jr. college and started my life. I still didn't have a purpose. For the next few years, I bounced in and out of school, jobs, and relationships. I grew moody, angry, and volatile. The emptiness grew. I still felt lost and lonely. I still had no purpose. Then, at 20, I got pregnant. That was the pivotal point in my life. The stability I needed. And even though I still have been in and out of relationships throughout my life, I have always had my kids. For the past 22 years I have had a reason to get up in the morning. I had a purpose for working. After I had my children, the empty space disappeared.

Now I have to find a new purpose.
_______________________________________________

8:20 PM

Just got back from the grocery store. I ambled up and down the grocery aisles feeling sorry for myself. I kept passing by the things that I would normally buy for the boys, snacks and stuff, that otherwise I won't buy for myself. I strained to think of what to buy and how to cook for one. I've never had to do that. Ever. I went from cooking for my mom and I to cooking for a husband and then children. This will be a new concept and experience. This morning I threw out all the junk food in the house. I'm eliminating temptation and concentrating on getting back in shape. I've never been this out of shape in my life. Anyways, back to shopping. It was depressing. I struggled and then it hit me. My children didn't die, they moved away from home. I can still do things for them. I have lots to do right now. Daredevil will need care packages and cards and letters. His birthday is the 21st and it is bad enough that he has to spend it in Iraq or where ever he will be at that time but to not get anything from mom would be heart breaking. I can't do that to my son. The first care package for Daredevil is packed and ready to send out tomorrow. It should arrive at his post in Iraq about the same time he does. Birthday cards are signed and sealed and will be going out as well.

The scripted call from Parris Island just came in a few minutes ago. Chowhound will have an address sent to me in a few days. I have three months of letter writing to him. And then in a couple of weeks, I will be writing to Improviser.

Oh my. Suddenly, I feel really busy. It feels good.

"When mothers talk about the depression of the empty nest, they're not mourning the passing of all those wet towels on the floor, or the music that numbs your teeth, or even the bottle of capless shampoo dribbling down the shower drain. They're upset because they've gone from supervisor of a child's life to a spectator. It's like being the vice president of the United States." (Erma Bombeck)
**Shhhhh. Don't send that quote to Sarah Palin.

Update

Okay, you can stop lashing me with wet noddles. Sorry I didn't post an update. Yes, my Sweetie made it out of Turks and Caicos before Hurricane Ike pounded the little islands. We spent a couple of days together, including his birthday on Monday, and then he flew to south Florida Tuesday. He showed up back here on Wednesday with a 24ft UHaul and then left for Turks and Caicos on Saturday. I'm not sure when he will return. I figure I won't see him again until Christmas. I hope it'll be sooner but I'm not counting on it. We had a great time while he was here.

So, I said goodbye to Daredevil on the 2nd. He went back to California. Now he leaves this week headed to Iraq.

My Sweetie left yesterday.

Chowhound left a few hours ago. Tomorrow he will step in the yellow footsteps at Parris Island.

Improviser leaves in 15 days.

Too many goodbyes this month. I'm hanging in there.

I don't like Ike

My Sweetie is presently in the Turks and Caicos Islands. I'm hoping and praying his 10:45am flight is not canceled. The last chance to get out of Dodge before Ike comes storming through. I'll be on pins and needles until I know he is in the states, checked through Miami and on his way here.

Come Hell and High Water

Daredevil leaves today. I won't see him again until he returns from Iraq. (this is the Hell part)
Chowhound leaves in 12 days.
Improviser in 29.
(but who's counting)





and now the high water part. Hurricane Hannah is hanging over my Sweetie. He is in Provo in the Turks and Caicos Islands. Last night he was in the eye. The news reports there were telling them the storm was over. This morning that are getting hammered. It's only a Cat I but when you are on a little island this is still bad. And Ike is on Hannah's heels.

This month just keeps getting better. (and it's only day 2. Crap.)

Time Marches On

September is here already. I want to skip this month almost as much as I want to skip November and December. I vote that we jump to October now and then skip over to say April. I hate winter. I like October because I love the weather then and it's my birth month. I can handle October. In November I start getting psycho. First, there is way too much food and secondly it's the lead in for the Chaos of Christmas. Don't get me wrong. I love Christmas. I just can't afford it. I try to keep things simple. But, I am a procrastinator. I wait until the last minute to get prepared. On Christmas Eve you can find me starting my shopping. I've been working on that but it is usually finances that make me procrastinate. I always dread December.

But, this year September is the demon month. Daredevil leaves this tomorrow*. He'll be in California for a couple of weeks and then he will be of to Camp Korean Village, Iraq. Even though I haven't seen him a lot in the last two weeks he's been here, it has been wonderful having him home. I love having my boys together. I even smile now when they pick and fight with each other because I know I won't hear that any more. In two weeks, Chowhound will report to Parris Island and two weeks after that Improviser will head to Lackland Air Force Base. All my "babies" will be gone.

Today, we are going bowling. That ought to be a blast as I suck at bowling. The last time I went it was with two friends of mine. Three middle-aged women using the bumpers is quite entertaining. But, it's not about the scores. It is time spent together. I am taking a camera. I wish I had video as I can never do justice to the insane hysteria that is present anytime all my boys are together.

Case in point. The other night, I hauled them out for family pictures. First, all three boys pounced on the roller coaster bead mazes in the lobby like they were dessert. Then, Daredevil and Chowhound immediately start a reinactment of this video. Chowhound hollars at Daredevil, "Put on a tie."


It went downhill from there. Daredevil grabs a rose and poses with it. They are all poking me and pushing each other. They made faces. A two year old would have been better behaved. The photographer was great. She has three young boys herself and she immediately just went with the flow and started harassing them.

But, none of this bothered me. They were just laughing and goofing off. They know how to behave when it's important. Right now, it was important to laugh. Although, there was a thin line when Daredevil dared Chowhound to jump up and headbutt the ceiling joist. Chowhound accomplished the feat and proudly wore the red mark on his head. I did a lot of blinking and shaking of my head.

All of this was before dinner. Dinner was even more hysterical. Ever since the kids were big enough to play card games, I have carried a deck in my purse for entertainment purposes. I found that it alleviated a lot of stress if they had something to do while we were waiting for our food. I get fussed at if I don't have them for some reason. Chowhound made sure I had the cards before we left the house. We used to play rummy, war, and speed when there were only two of us. But lately, we have started playing Bu!!sh*t. Now, if there are people, especially little kids, they have to say "BS". It is always a lot of fun especially when we are all together.

UPDATE: This post is incomplete. Daredevil leaves today. I got distracted. I'll post Part II sometime. My ADD kicked in.

Working (Wo)Man's Holiday

Happy Labor Day!


...a day to honor those "who from rude nature have delved and carved all the grandeur we behold."

Veterans History Project

I stumbled across a very interesting project today; The Veterans History Project.

(The) primary focus is on first-hand accounts of U.S. Veterans from the following wars:

* World War I (1914-1920)
* World War II (1939-1946)
* Korean War (1950-1955)
* Vietnam War (1961-1975)
* Persian Gulf War (1990-1995)
* Afghanistan and Iraq conflicts (2001-present)

In addition, those U.S. citizen civilians who were actively involved in supporting war efforts (such as war industry workers, USO workers, flight instructors, medical volunteers, etc.) are also invited to share their valuable stories.

The United States Congress created the Veterans History Project in 2000. The authorizing legislation (Public Law 106-380), sponsored by Representatives Ron Kind, Amo Houghton, and Steny Hoyer in the U.S. House of Representatives and Senators Max Cleland and Chuck Hagel in the U.S. Senate, received unanimous support and was signed into law by President William Jefferson Clinton on October 27, 2000.

According to the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs (VA), America is losing her veterans at a rate of over 1,000 each day.

Our veterans deserve to be honored and their stories available for generations to come. I have been doing family genealogy recently and what a find it will be for families in the future to come across these stories. I would have loved to find something like this. But, the generations I am researching did not have the technology that is available now. Too many stories have been buried and lost. It is sad that I do not have stories to tell my children about their great, great grandparents. What a delight it will be for a great, great grandchild to one day find a recording in the Library of Congress of his or her relatives. To be able see them and to hear their own personal account will be such a treasure.

There is a packet that can be downloaded. There are suggested questions and all kinds of tips to make this a great interview even if you don't have the experience. I encourage everyone to participate. Our Veterans are the reason why our country is strong and wonderful. They have helped to preserve our rights and freedoms. The least we can do to thank them is to give a little of our time and listen.

I'm not sure who I'm grabbing and interviewing but I will find someone. I bet there is a lonely person in a Nursing Home with some wonderful stories. Also, soon my nephew will be home from Iraq and I know he has stories.

(Hat-Tip to Senator Jim DeMint for promoting this project on his webpage.)

Prayers, Faith, and Humor from above

When Daredevil was in bootcamp, my sanity was saved by a group of ladies whose sons were at Parris Island too. We forged a bond a year ago and still stay in daily contact. They are my lifeline sometimes.

One of the mothers has a son who is deployed to Afghanistan right now. Up until a week or so ago, she had heard from him about every other day. Now, nothing for over a week. Needless to say she is worried. The Causalities board is constantly checked (it is under maintenance at the time I write this). There have been five causalities in the past week in Afghanistan but the names have not been released. She rationalizes that if something had happened she would have heard something by now.

But, we, mothers, know that may work on your head but not your heart. The image of men in dress blues showing up at your door haunts your dreams and thoughts. We have all been worried for her. We have kept her son in our prayers. She is a woman of faith also. She has been praying constantly. She feels a little better after an incident this weekend. She relates,

"I did have a funny experience -- anyone who believes in God knows that he has a great sense of humor. I was at (the) Lake this weekend, walking down a path bordered by farmland on one side and forest on the other. I was thinking about (son) and I stopped for a quiet moment of prayer and added, "Please God, just give me a sign that my son is OK." I walked another few feet and then turned to go back to the cottage. Right there, very close to the spot where I'd been standing when I stopped was a very old rusted SIGN for some sort of fertilizer or weed-killer called Ora-K. The "O" and the "K" were large and the other letters were smaller and faded with age. Ha! I got my "sign," alright. I laughed all the way back to the cottage. I suppose I ought to relax now, huh?"

Sometimes faith is all we have. Please add her and her son as well as all of the other men and women over there to your prayers.

My kind of math

I'm surprised my kids didn't do these.

Tidbits from the Past

I'm doing genealogy research and have found that a portion of the newspapers throughout Florida have been archived at the University of Florida and are viewable online through their Digital Collection.

Currently, I'm looking through the 1899 Editions of The Florida Index, the weekly Lake City, Florida, newspaper at the time.

This excerpt is from Nov. 3, 1899.

This widower isn't dating. He is "running a preparatory department in society". He "hauls the girls about". That makes 'em sound like a sack of feed or something. I just wonder exactly which part of marriage he was preparing them for.

Terrible momma

I'm such a terrible momma. The A/C went out at the house and I bailed and left town. I'm in a nice cool hotel room in Charlotte, NC, while Chowhound and the dog sweat it out at home.

UPDATE: I've learned not to brag. The AC went out in our meeting room today. What goes around comes around. The AC gremlins seem to be following me.

Luckily, I am cold natured and even though the thermostat said 83 I was still comfortable. No one else was but I was. I was freezing during the first half of the day so I figure it's only fair.

My days are numbered

13 days until Daredevil comes home on leave (YEAH!!)
30 days until Daredevil leaves again and heads to Iraq (BOO HOO)
41 days until Chowhound leaves for Marine Corps Bootcamp (BOO HOO)
58 days until Improviser leaves for Air Force Bootcamp (BOO HOO)
59 days until it's just the dog and I.

While I am extremely proud of my boys, this part of life SUCKS!

Pain free!

I want to jump up and down and shout with joy. My head doesn't hurt this morning!! The first time in five days. I feel like a new person. I just hope this lasts a really, really long time.