FTD stands for.....

Failure To Deliver. It should be NFTD...No Flowers Tonight Darling.

Because it's almost 2 days after Valentine's Day and I don't have my flowers yet! My wonderful Sweetie sent me flowers or so he says (grins & winks), "It's the thought that counts, right." I know he thinks of me more often than he tells me and I don't need flowers to prove it.

But, when you pay for something and they tell you it will be there on a certain day then they should keep their promise.

What happens when you....

1) have nothing to do

2) own a sharp knife

3) have a large lime

4) own a patient cat

5) drink too much tequila

6) and it's football season?








hat tip to my sister for the e-mail. I just had to share this.

Is 28 degrees too cold for shorts.

I live in Florida. North Florida. It is 28 degrees this mornings. Brrrrrrrrr. That is too freaking cold for me. We are minutes from the GA border. This is imported dead palm tree country. Tourist do not flock here for the winter. It gets cold. Tomorrow is going to be in the teens. Today's high isn't even going to hit 50.

However, Chowhound is prancing around here in shorts this morning. He is wearing shorts to school. He insists he lives in Florida so he can wear shorts year round. I know it's an attention thing from his friends. He is 16. I won't get into a head butting contest with him. I just shake my head and walk off. If he wants to freeze his marbles off that his business. But, I bet he took his sweats with him for track practice. He maybe brain damaged but he is not stupid.

It still makes me lose my mind.

Help Save the Iguana

In my dining room, I have a wall done entirely in stone (it matches my fireplace).

I wanted a mirror for this wall.

I wanted the mirror to be surrounded by black wrought iron.

This imagine of the perfect mirror has been haunting my mind. I have been obsessed with it. I had to find this mirror.

I searched and searched.

Yesterday, my car suddenly veered out of the stagnate traffic and went to this little hole in the wall shop. I had never noticed this shop before. The signs were kind of confusing. The name was Island Imports yet it informed me that the products were from Mexico. Did I miss that geography class?

But, lo and behold there was my dream mirror. It's exactly what I had pictured. Well, almost. My version didn't have the iguana.

I bought the mirror with the intent of removing the critter or covering him up. But, now there is a debate in my household.

Improviser loves the iguana. He votes it stays.

Daredevil is in love and therefore nothing exists except his girlfriend. So, he's not voting.

Chowhound never makes it to the dining room. He camps out in front of the refrigerator. Therefore, he hasn't seen the new pet. But, he would probably vote to remove and cook the delicacy.

The critter is starting to grow on me. He looks at home lurking on those rocks. Well, I have been trying to come up with a new "theme" for my house. Maybe I found one.

Help me. Vote. Do we keep the new pet or find him a new home?

Valentine greetings NOT to send

Valentine for your brokeback buddies?

Going through a mid-life crises?

For the working girl.

This one is just disgusting.

This isn't a valentine it's just to make up for the last picture. Test your sanity.

UNPOPULAR VALENTINE'S DAY CARDS

* Thinking of you sweetheart, which, technically, the court order can't prevent.
* Just wanted to say "I love you" when I wasn't falling down drunk.
* If only we weren't so closely related!
* I'm too shy to ask in person, but what is that thing on your face? A mole, a wart? WHAT????
* You're too beautiful to resist, my under-the-ether dental patient.
* I'm more than half interested in you, my hermaphroditic darling!
* The Medicated Shampoo Took Care of It.
* I'm Glad the Arkansas State Troopers Brought You to My Hotel Room, Valentine!
* I'll Give You Money To Have Sex With Me.
* Just thinking of you while I am drunk and no one else will have sex with me.

_____________________

EXCUSES WHY MEN FORGET VALENTINE'S DAY

* The Florist couldn't find your house, did you move?
* I sent a candygram. Someone must have eaten it.
* The Hallmark Store was closed, and I didn't want to send less than the best.
* I sent an e-mail card. You never got it? AOL must have messed up again!
* I left a message on your answering machine to meet me for dinner. Where were you?
* I didn't know you liked jewelry.
* I thought Saint Valentine's Day was a Catholic holy Day.
* Your mailman must have been shot in a Post Office Massacre.
* I thought we would do something different this year.
* I thought it would mean I was making a commitment.
* You didn't remind me!

How to cure the blues

Blogging has been light lately since I didn't want to spread my depressed attitude. But, I had a great pick-me-up last night.

I went out on a "date". A handsome young man asked me out and I accepted. There is nothing better to lift a woman's heart then to be asked out by her son.

Daredevil called me at work yesterday. Usually, it is "can I use the car tonight". Instead he asked, "Mom, would you go shopping with me tonight?"

My heart brightened.

He has been searching and searching for a necklace for his girlfriend. He bought her a birthstone ring for Christmas and wanted to find a matching necklace.

When I asked him why he wanted me to go with him, he replied, "We haven't done anything together in a while and I wanted a woman's opinion."

This coming from my 18 year old son. I was flattered and honored. We had a fantastic time. We found exactly what he was looking for and in his price range. Yes, he used his own money. He does not ask me for any.

So, I am beaming this morning. My sons brighten my life. I love them dearly and am proud of them all.

Perspective

Dawn's services are today and regretably I can not attend. She is a very special person to me and will always be.

Dawn, I will not say goodbye. Only, until we meet again.
________________________________

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other. Then someone at my side says, "There, she is gone."

"Gone where?"

Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side, and she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port. Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when someone at my side says, "There, she is gone!" there are other eyes watching her coming, and there are other voices ready to take up the glad shout, "Here she comes!" And that is dying.

- Anonymous

More Heart Facts

Compared with Men:

38% of women and 25% of men will die within one year of a first recognized heart attack.
35% of women and 18% of men heart attack survivors will have another heart attack within six years.
46% of women and 22% of men heart attack survivors will be disabled with heart failure within six years.
Women are almost twice as likely as men to die after bypass surgery.
Women are less likely than men to receive beta-blockers, ACE inhibitors or even aspirin after a heart attack.
More women than men die of heart disease each year, yet women receive only:
33% of angioplasties, stents and bypass surgeries
28% of inplantable defibrillators and
36% of open-heart surgeries
Women comprise only 25% of participants in all heart-related research studies.

Heart Disease and Women

This post is to all women and everyone who loves them.

My best friend, Dawn, died of a heart attack. She was 41. She went to the emergency room complaining of chest pains a few days prior to her fatal heart attack. They sent her home with two sheets of paper. Two handouts. That was their medical treatment. A handout on chest pain management and one on stress, anxiety and panic attacks. We will never know if her condition could have been treated if someone had taken her seriously. If someone had taken the time to properly evaluate her and not immediately assume it was panic. You see she had been "diagnosed" as a manic-depressive. She was under a doctor's care for years. Why hadn't anything else ever been checked? I have a lot of questions right now and I know there will never be any answers. "What if's" won't bring my friend back. But, knowing the following information might alert someone else. If you have any symptoms, don't let the emergency room staff just dismiss you. Press on. Make them check out everything.

Remember:

Heart disease isn't just a man's disease. Heart attack, stroke and other cardiovascular diseases are devastating to women, too. In fact, coronary heart disease, which causes heart attack, is the leading cause of death for American women. Many women believe that cancer is more of a threat, but they're wrong. Nearly twice as many women in the United States die of heart disease and stroke as from all forms of cancer, including breast cancer.

Cardiovascular disease claims more women's lives than the next six causes of death combined — about 500,000 women's lives a year.

Some heart attacks are sudden and intense — the "movie heart attack," where no one doubts what's happening. But most heart attacks start slowly, with mild pain or discomfort. Often people affected aren't sure what's wrong and wait too long before getting help.

Here are signs that can mean a heart attack is happening:

Chest discomfort. Most heart attacks involve discomfort in the center of the chest that lasts more than a few minutes, or that goes away and comes back. It can feel like uncomfortable pressure, squeezing, fullness or pain.

Discomfort in other areas of the upper body. Symptoms can include pain or discomfort in one or both arms, the back, neck, jaw or stomach.

Shortness of breath. May occur with or without chest discomfort.

Other signs: These may include breaking out in a cold sweat, nausea or lightheadedness

As with men, women's most common heart attack symptom is chest pain or discomfort. But women are somewhat more likely than men to experience some of the other common symptoms, particularly shortness of breath, nausea/vomiting, and back or jaw pain.

Heart Facts

Heart disease is the #1 killer of American women.

One in five women have some form of cardiovascular disease.

In 1999, cardiovascular disease (CVD) caused the deaths of 512,904 females, 53.5% of all deaths from CVD.

One out of three women compared with one out of four men will die within one year after having a heart attack.

A woman's chances of developing heart disease soar after she goes through menopause.

More women than men will suffer a second heart attack within six years after their first heart attack.

African American women are 60 percent more likely to die of coronary heart disease than white women.

Women with diabetes are 3 to 4 times more likely than men to develop heart disease.

Fewer than one in ten women today think that heart disease is their greatest health threat.

Diabetes doubles the risk of a second heart attack in women.

For more information:

Women's Health

American Heart Association: Women and Cardiovascular Disease

To Dawn Rena

My post for Dawn is gone. Damn Blogger. It was there. I saw it. And now it's gone. Just another reason to get angry. Maybe I can take out my frustrations on blogger.

I will try this again.
_________________________________

Dawn Rena, I will miss you. You are my best friend. We have over twenty years of memories together. We're supposed to have a lot more. We've raised children, married and divorced, laughed and cried. Two weeks ago we made "plans" to get together next time I came to town. You laughed at how some people couldn't understand how we could go months without talking and still be best friends. And we exchanged "I love yous". I'm so glad I got the chance to say that to you even though I know you already knew. That's what being friends is all about.

Our lives became entwined right after high school. Late nights closing at Taco Bell. The look on your face when I threw a cap full of sour cream and it landed right on the top of your head. Sour Cream exploding everywhere. When you laughed and came at me with a bottle full of water, I knew we would be friends for life. That was the beginning of a wonderful, beautiful friendship. You truly are a beautiful person inside and out.

You radiated in your bridal grown (both times). I stood beside you the first time and in front of you performing the ceremony the second. We always said husbands come and go but best friends are forever. You paced the halls with my family when I had my boys and you helped watch them grow.

We spent many a night drinking daiquiris and solving the worlds problems. We realized we were "getting old" when a great Friday night without the kids meant driving an hour to the first Super Walmart. We thought they were going to throw us out we were laughing so hard at the greeting cards. Never did take much to amuse us.

So many memories. I cherish them all. Dawn you are forever in my heart. You are a piece of my soul. I love you. And I will miss you greatly.

How do I say goodbye?

I'm having a hard time with the news of Dawn's death. And it pains me that I will not be able to attend her services. I don't know how to say goodbye or how to reconcile the pain and anger I feel inside. She is too young to die. She is my best friend. She has always been there for me. I feel like I'm not going to be there for her.

Trunk Monkey

Next vehicle I buy will have one of these. I'd still have my Explorer if I had a Trunk Monkey. They have a road rage version (the original). Maybe it should be modified for NASCAR then the driver's wouldn't have to get penalties. Let the monkeys duke it out.

Check them all out here.

Hat tip to Richmond.

Could tragedy have been avoided?

A tragedy happened Wednesday. Families are grieving and lives have been forever changed. Seven children from one family, ages 15 years to 20 months, were killed. Numerous other children on the school bus including the driver were hurt some critically. When the Grandfather heard all 7 of his grandchildren had died, he had a heart attack and died.

This happened very close to my home so rumors are flying rampant. From what I hear this could have been prevented. The rumors are that the truck driver was talking on his cell phone and wasn't paying attention. I know the area well where it happened. The speed limit is 60 and it is an easy stretch of road where the speed just creeps up on you. But, it is no excuse. If indeed this driver was talking on the phone, and I know it happens all the time, it is inexcusable. When driving you need to have your full concentration on what you are doing especially if you are driving a 80,000 lb vehicle.

Please, everyone, think about this the next time your cell phone rings when you are driving. Pull over somewhere to take your call. It could save your life or someone elses.

#10 may come true

I found this little thing over at Drunken Wisdom. I played around with my boys' names and Daredevil's generated this:

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Daredevil!

1. When Daredevil is swallowed, he will enter the blood stream within twenty minutes.
2. More people are killed by Daredevil each year than die in airplane accidents.
3. Edinburgh imports three thousand kilograms of Daredevil every year!
4. The international dialing code for Daredevil is 672!
5. If you toss Daredevil 10000 times, he will not land heads 5000 times, but more like 4950, because his head weighs more and thus ends up on the bottom.
6. On stone temples in southern India, there are more than 30 million carved images of Daredevil.
7. Daredevil is actually a fruit, not a vegetable.
8. Daredevil is often used in place of milk in food photography, because milk goes soggy more quickly than Daredevil!
9. Scientists have discovered that Daredevil can smell the presence of autism in children.
10. Daredevil is physically incapable of sticking his tongue out!

I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

#10 is indeed prophetic considering I just posted on this! He is in fact planning on getting his tongue pierced. This is not good.

Daredevil just read this. Not so good. He rejoiced at the thought of being a mass murderer as stated in #2. And #1 generated a sly smile and "Sweet!". I am going to lose my mind with this child.

Adopt a kid

Whenever I come home early my stomach is queasy and in knots. I never know what to expect except the unexpected. Teenage boys just have that effect on a mother. At least mine do. Especially, after the closet episode. So, today I was pleasantly surprised to find a kid sitting at the table doing homework. No plodding, no prompting, yelling, cursing. Nothing. He was doing it without being told. A mother's dream. I just wish it had been one of MY kids!

Nope, it was Daredevil's best friend. Since their school and his work are within walking distance he just hangs out here until time for work. I didn't mind. But, it just seemed strange that he was the only one home. Maybe I should adopt him. Or trade one of mine for him! There's a thought.

Especially, since I am half expecting Daredevil to come home with his tongue pierced. Ack! I sure hope not. But, I made a horrific parental mistake tonight. He asked if I minded if he went with a friend of his who is getting her tongue pierced. She is scared and wanted backup. Stupid me said, "Don't come home with your tongue pierced." I should have slapped myself right then. I know better. Daredevil followed up with the challenging, "Why not"! Because I don't want a freak for a child, I thought. I suppressed that challenge. I see more blog fodder coming.

Interview Time

It's my 15 seconds of fame. My very first interview. Basil did a wonderful job. Go on over and see what secrets I reveal.

The Big Red Button

I thank Steve for this game.


Go Ahead. Push it. I know you want to. Just do it.

Hat tip to Daredevil. We found this while looking through his friend's blog.

Just rambling

In spite of the recent events, Mom had a great birthday yesterday. We took her for afternoon tea. There is a quaint little tea house downtown that is wonderful. It is her favorite place to go. My sisters and I adorned her with fancy hats and boas and we tried our best to act prim and proper. Not. You can dress us up, you can't take us out. Luckily, we had the place to ourselves. So, for her 72nd birthday, Mom played dress up. It made her smile and that was our mission.

Even though it was sad circumstances that brought me home, I have really enjoyed being here. It has been 10 years since I have lived around my family. I usually breeze in on a holiday weekend, rush around and then fly back out. I have had the time to meet with some childhood friends, spend a little time with my sisters and a lot of time with my mother. I am really glad I was in a position to do this.

But, I miss my boys. I'm headed home after the funeral this afternoon. Today will be a long and trying day for my mother. But, she will be surrounded by her four girls and some wonderful friends. I hate that I have to leave so soon after the funeral, but I also think she needs her time alone to grieve. We have spent a great deal of time talking and she is coping well. She is a strong woman.

Thanks to everyone for your comments and support. It means a lot. I have kept Mom entertained with everyone's blogs. Especially Bou and the underwear bit. So, don't be surprised if she starts lurking around. I have tried to explain the bad example family to her. If that's possible. This family seems to be bending more than forking lately. She has been amused and asked me to make sure she can find these sites after I leave. She hasn't settled on a screen name yet. But, if you see "Dart B*tch" show up, it's her. I'm trying to discourage the name because of spam, but you know how insistent old women can be. If any has any good alternate names, suggestions are appreciated. You try to raise your parents right, but sometimes they just don't listen.

Happy Birthday Mom!

Mom,

Thank you for all you have given me. Our lives have not always been smooth or uncomplicated, but you have always been there for me despite my resistance sometimes. You always show me love. Admittedly, sometimes it was tough love. But, it was love nonetheless. You were there for me through marriages and divorces, trials and children, laughter and tears. You stood by my side during accomplishments and not so great decisions. Okay, some really bad ones. You never judge. You never criticize. Fault and blame are cast aside and a shoulder is always offered. You gave me life. But, more importantly you give me love. Unconditionally.

But, it's not just me you offer it to it's everyone. Especially Mike. I know it is difficult to celebrate your birthday this year as you try and cope. But,I know that if he were here to celebrate your birthday today, he'd be pounding on the piano and then taking you out to the "best" spots in town. He truly loved you.

Happy Birthday Mom. Know that we all love you and are here for you as you have been for us.

People are like books

I picked up the book
Did a quick glance
tossed it aside
Didn't give it a chance.
The cover was torn and ragged
the binding was broken and cracked
the only thing it seems to contain
was the quality and substance it lacked.
But, I didn't take the time
to peer within the pages
to see where this book had been
and what it battled through the ages.
The chapters held the secrets
that the cover can't convey
the things that made it what it was
and what it is today.