I tag myself.

I feel like the kid nobody wants to play with. Everyone is playing movie tag and I didn't get even get chased. That's okay. My feelings aren't hurt. Not everyone can be one of the cool kids.

So, I'm posting my movies anyhow. I'll even guess them, too, if I have to. I severely suffer from CRS (can't remember sh*t) so I can do that. That is one of the advantages of having limited memory capacity.

1. Disturbing; Steven King; No opening credits; Louisiana; gun.
The Green Mile

2. Teenage boys; 1910's; 1060's; Airplane accident; animal attack.
Second Hand Lions

3. Self-destructive; Atmospheric; period piece; big game hunter; romance.
Out of Africa

4. Male-female relationship; love; canceled wedding; coincidence; department store.
Serendipity

5. Dragon; part live action; book; library; young boy.
The Page Master

6. Stage coach; male-female relationship; prospector; friend; saloon.
Paint your Wagon

7. shoes; love; godfather; male-female relationship; doorman.
While you were Sleeping

8. No Opening credits; half track; war; stabbed in chest; tragic incident.
Saving Private Ryan

9. Expatriate; British expatriate; Canadian expatriate; mission; boat.
The African Queen

10. Father-son relationship; mother-son relationship; flat tire; Indiana; blindness.
A Christmas Story

**UPDATE--I was tagged and just didn't get the notification. Thanks Tink! I feel loved now. I should never have doubted it. And Tink is really great at guessing movies.

Slogans

Whenever I have a sit down dinner with all of my boys I always end up just shaking my head in disbelief at the conversations. Last night was no exception.

Improviser was text messaging through most of dinner. All of his friends were sending birthday wishes and asking what time the party was started. His ID had already been whipped out at the liquor store. I guess it's a right of passage on that 21st birthday. The scene was set for a wild time (he hoped). The comment was made to make sure that no babies resulted from this wild night. Then came the condom slogans:

Daredevil: Make sure you wrap it before you tap it.

Chowhound: Don't be silly protect your willy.

Daredevil: Don't be a fool wrap your tool.

Where do they get these things? Commercials and Internet of course. So, being the good mother I am, I found some additional ones:
List of possible slogans promoting National Condom Week

1. Cover your stump before you hump

2. Before you attack her, wrap your whacker

3. Don't be silly, protect your willy

4. When in doubt, shroud your spout

5. Don't be a loner, cover your boner

6. You can't go wrong if you shield your dong

7. If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it

8. If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey

9. If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize

10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter

11. She won't get sick if you wrap your dick

12. If you go into heat, package your meat

13. While you're undressing venus, dress up your penis

14. When you take off her pants and blouse, slip up your trouser mouse

15. Especially in December, gift wrap your member

16. Never, never deck her with an unwrapped pecker

17. Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool

18. The right selection will protect your erection

19. Wrap it in foil before checking her oil

20. A crank with armor will never harm her

21. No glove, no love!

Some of these cracked me up. I like #7.

At least safety and prevention are being preached. Do you have any new slogans to add? (nothing vulgar please)

Package pick up

Daredevil had all four of his wisdom teeth cut out Tuesday. I went to pick him up afterwards. They told me to drive around back and knock on the door. It felt like package pickup at Circuit City or a secret cult. I figure they do that to keep the other patients from freaking out as a zombie comes staggering through the main lobby.

He is recovering nicely and actually looks good with some fullness to his face.


Five days until his graduation. Sixty-seven days left until he belongs to the Marines.

Totally legal

Improviser is 21 today!!

Wow. My oldest is completely legal. Scary. For his birthday we are off to a Japanese joint so he can sample Sake. I'm betting he doesn't like it.

I know a secret

I know a secret....I know a secret (about a blogger) and I'm not telling. You can't make me.




Unless.....



the bribe is good enough.

7 Random Things about me

Mrs. Who tagged me with a meme.

1. I carry a light jacket me with every where I go all year long. I find that most places are kept too cold for me. People look at me like I'm nuts when I grabbed my jacket when it is 98 degrees outside but I know it will be freezing inside so I don't care.

2. Cars I have owned: 1970 Ford Falcon; 1965 Ford Falcon; 1974 Ford Maverick Grabber; 1970 Ford Pinto; 1985 Ford Tempo; 1985 Chevy S-10 (my first vehicle not a Ford); 1990 Chevy Nova; 1995 Plymouth Voyager (yes, I did the whole minivan thing); 1998 Ford Explorer; 1996 Saturn SL1.

3. I haven't owned a vehicle made in the 2000's and the 2008s will be out soon. Damn. I just realized that.

4. Jobs I have had: telemarketer; fast food worker (Taco Bell); vacuum cleaner salesperson (Rainbow); Day care teacher and attendant; waitress; physical therapy receptionist and assistant; legal secretary and assistant; photographer and postcard salesperson on the beach; home health care worker; client trainer in a group home for mentally handicapped women; weekend relief worker for group home for physically handicapped clients; payroll and production clerk; heavy equipment operator; dispatcher.

5. States I have lived in: Florida; Virginia for a year and a half when I was 8. That's it.

6. Number 5 is remarkable considering I was a Navy brat. My father was in the Navy. My step-father was in the Navy. We moved once. Thus, the move to Virginia. I was a Navy wife. Twice. My first husband did three tours (four years each )in Pensacola, our home town. I wanted to travel. Nope, didn't happen. Divorce. Marry another Navy man. Oh, good maybe I can travel now. All the way to Jacksonville, Florida. Divorce. Still here. Hell, I've done more traveling since I divorced than I have did as a Navy wife.

7. My car has a cassette player in it. I do not own an MP3 player. I do have a cell phone that I use every once in a while. That's was my mother's day present last year.

I'm not tagging any one but feel free to post facts about yourself in the comments.

I don't want to hear this

In the car on the way home from the Band Banquet.

Daredevil: "Which hand does the engagement ring go on?"

Me: Stunned silence....reluctant "Why?"

Daredevil: "For future reference"

Me: holding breath "How far future?"

Daredevil: "Not anytime soon. Just want to know."

I am so not ready for them to be adults but I guess it is going to happen whether I'm ready or not.

Shining Moment

From my vantage point I can see the entire cafetorium. There are eight alternating black and red draped tables running the length of the room with a wide aisle down the center. Across the back is one long table running the width of the large room. The room is filled with parents and teenagers laughing, talking and reminiscing. A young man is at the podium announcing the graduating seniors and remarking on their accomplishments and futures. No, this isn't the commencement ceremony but it is "the ceremony" of the year. The final band banquet for a hand full of hardworking kids.

This is a special time for senior band students. It is an event they look forward to for four years. But, Daredevil is an exception. He has been in the high school marching band for not four years but six. This is because his school is a junior/senior high school. He joined the band program in seventh grade. Twelve years old and marching amongst the high school students. Finally, he is a senior. The years of sweat and agony behind him. But, this ceremony wasn't for him. This wasn't his school. I felt disappointment for him. He wouldn't get the spot light he so deserved.

You see, at the end of last year, the Band Director reluctantly announced to "his kids" that he accepted a new position with a High School in another county. There were tears. There was anger. There was sadness. Daredevil was torn. JW, the band director, was torn. He had built the program from almost nothing, he had twelve students when he started, to a vibrant, award winning band program that was eighty strong. For eight years he had dedicated his heart, soul, and every waking moment to teach these kids the discipline and strength it takes to be a top marching band. He had been raising these children for years and now he had to leave them.

Chowhound immediately decided that he would follow the director. Music is his life and this man had instilled that in him. There wasn't any doubt in his mind. The opportunities were what he could learn from his teacher and not from the friends and school he would leave behind.

But, Daredevil was different. Music isn't his life. He loves marching band. After all he is the lead bass drum player. He is the one that marches the entire group to the beat of HIS drum. Throughout the fall marching season he is the man. He loves it. But, when spring comes the story changes. He hates concert band and will find anyway to get out of it. He isn't in the band for the music. So, he struggled with the decision to leave his "home" school in his senior year. His "home" school hired a new director who had no marching band experience. The program collapsed so Daredevil switched schools so he could be in the marching band for his senior year. After the season was over he transferred back to his "home" school. He wanted to graduate with his friends. Thus, there was no band banquet at his "home" school.

So, last night, we are at Chowhound's school. Chowhound's band banquet. Although Daredevil had been a student there and was a senior he wasn't one of the seniors. We weren't permitted to sit at the tables in the center reserved for seniors and their families. Of course, being the independent cusses they are, my boys weren't even sitting with me or their father. I could see Daredevil from where I sat. He was seated at the edge of the room, laid back in the chair with his arms crossed. The last of the seniors were announced. My heart cried for Daredevil. I knew he wouldn't admit it but there was disappointment that he didn't get his shining moment. But, he accepted it because he had made his decision, knew the consequences and was okay with it.

Then something unexpected happened. Something forever etched in my mind and heart. After the last senior was announced, the band director stepped up to the podium. He personally called Daredevil's name. Daredevil stood up and all eyes were focused on him. JW joked about Daredevil going back to the other school. He proudly admitted that he had been teaching him for six years. He recalled his surprise when he learned Daredevil joined the Marines. He congratulated him and thanked him for having the courage and strength to fight for our country. The applause was tremendous and then one by one everyone stood and applauded my son. I fought back the tears. I have never been so proud. Daredevil had his shining moment and more. He instantly had the respect of every person in that room. He told me later that afterwards people kept coming up and shaking his hand, congratulating him and thanking him. He said it was something he would never forget.

Send prayers and rain

This map shows all the wildfires burning in Florida as of 4pm this afternoon. The massive fire in Georgia jumped the St. Mary's river and is threatening the homes of some of my friends and their families. They have been evacuated. This fire is just to the West of me. South of us is another massive fire that has other friends and families threatened. Please keep them in your thoughts and prayers.

Prayers must work. I asked for a hurricane and now we have the first named storm of the season, Andrea. Hopefully, it will rain enough to put out all of these fires. We certainly need it.

This map shows the major fires in the United States right now, their locations and their names. Sweat Farm Road (9), Big Turnaround Complex (16), Bugaboo Scrub Fire (11), and Dairy Road (12) are the major ones in this area.

Depending on the wind direction breathing can be difficult. The schools sent out an advisory to the students warning them if they have asthma not to come to school. Several of my friends' children have tried using this to get out of going. One girl told her father what the school said and asked it she could stay home. He said, "But, you don't have asthma--you're going." Give her credit for trying.

I'm not a "newsy" type person or a real religious one either. I rarely watch the news and I can't recall the last time I was in a Church. . But, looking today at the fires across the US and the flooding and the tornadoes made me think about the end of the world. Maybe I need to research that a bit more....Okay, I researched a bit and found this explanation of the end of the world. Wait for it to load. I thought it was hilarious. But, then again I have a strange sense of humor.

Wanted

Monsoon
Hurricane
Hunky Firemen


Anything to put out the fires in south Georgia. The smoke is killing me. It hangs in the air like a heavy blanket. I can't do anything outside. The smoke burns my eyes and is suffocating. If the hunky firemen can't put out the fire I'll settle for a little mouth to mouth resuscitation.

Kitchen and clutter

I've been taking the "damn pill". It has turned me into friggin Martha Stewart. I've barely ventured out of the kitchen this last week. I've baked more goodies in the last few days than I have the last five years. I've forgotten what the rest of my house looks like. But, I peeked around the corner and it looks like chaos. Effin clothes all over the place.

The "damn Pill" is supposed to help me sleep at night. Forget that. I can't sleep now. and when I do I have the weirdest dreams. I've warned my son not to drive cop cars even though his cop friend asked him too. My mom has a boyfriend and is living with me. Frickin nightmares.

Sleep. Sleep. I want some sleep.

Expert medical advice

I hate going to the doctor. Absolutely frickin hate it. But, I found a soft spoken yet frank doctor. He listened to my list of issues and confessed that I sounded exactly like his sister. She battles the same roaming pains. He prescribed a low dosage of anti-depressants. He cut me off before I could finish exclaiming that I am not depressed. Believe me, I have been in the clutches of depression. It's a maddening state. I fought like hell to get out of it and I know that now I'm not even on the same planet as depression. But, before I could get into my objections. He said, "I'm telling you like I told my sister. Just take the damn pill." Then he went into the technicalities and it makes sense.

He sent me to the vampire people for every kind of test possible. They took a half-dozen tubes of blood.

I'll go back in a few weeks to see what he finds but in the meantime I guess I'll just take the damn pill.

Giving Heros a Bad Name

It's amazing that obviously intelligent people can be so stupid. This guy is a doctor. (Play the video link at that site too. It's humorous.)

MELBOURNE, FL -- It's a dark day for Captain America.The super hero was busted after stuffing a burrito in his waistband Monday. According to police a man dressed as the super hero attacked a woman inside a Melbourne, Florida bar. She says he came into the bar brandishing a burrito, made rude suggestions and grabbed her between her thighs.

They had to do a line-up to identify him. He was not the only guy dressed as Captain America. This was an event sponsored by a pharmaceutical company. What the hell were they thinking?

Is this how the big money companies are enticing the doctors to turn us all into prescription junkies? Let's have parties and make all these drugs seem fun! Woo Hoo!!! Let me put my faith and life in these people's hands. Comforting? Yeah, right.

Yes, I'm cynical today. I hate doctors. I hate doctor appointments. I've taken off work today to go subject myself to another humiliating ritual. It's Mammogram day. Or rather the yearly smashing of the puppies so we can wonder later on why they're going flat and sagging. Am I the only one that sees the connection here? Prior to that fun filled event, I get to meet yet another new doctor. I've been doctor hopping for the last 10 years. (I know that sounds pretty sleazy) I have yet to find one I feel comfortable with and one I think listens to me.

This doctor I'm seeing today has been recommended by several people at work. I was impressed with his staff when I scheduled the appointment. I loved the honesty. I have a 10:30 appointment. She said he always runs late and that I would probably get in to see him about 11:15 but that he was a very good doctor. I appreciate the warning. I can prepare and bring a book or something to entertain myself.

I'm still battling this head to toe I hurt all over and feel like crap stuff. My sister described it perfectly. It's like I'm a human pin ball machine and this sharp intense pain is bing-binging throughout me all day long. I know that the pain could be a million times worse but it's just the constant I sensations and the unknowing when and where an ice pick is going to be stuck in me. The pains in my head and eyes scare me the worse. I've had them hit while I was driving and it took everything I could do to pull off the road without wrecking. I'm usually fine after about 30 seconds or so. The don't last long but they are intense. Now, I am always on edge. Just waiting.

I'll report back later. It's time to get my butt in gear.

The village's turn

Dear Neighbor:

Do you know what your children were doing tonight? No? Gee, could it be because they were locked out of the house so as not to wake up Daddy?

I truly understand about night shift and needing to sleep but in this day and time with all the perverts around is it truly wise to make your five year old daughter and seven year old son stay outside unsupervised? Don't you watch the news or read the paper? A six year old boy was just abducted, molested and murdered by a neighbor. It made national headlines. This was in a town within 50 miles of here. Have you checked the Internet? There are five sex offenders living within one mile of your house. Fortunately, for you I am not one of them.

Also, fortunately I have patience with children as I have raised three boys.

Yes, I can tell you told your children to stay in the yard but guess what---they didn't. Are you shocked?

Not as shocked as you're going to be when they come home fifteen minutes before bedtime all wired off of the two cokes and two sprites each I let them have. I promise you I was a thoughtful and considerate neighbor. I made them go ask if it was okay first. Yes, your son walked toward your house just out of my sight and then came back proclaiming that you said yes. Alrighty then, I did my part. So help yourself to the sodas kids. They've been sitting in my garage for a month. My boys don't drink them very often.

I had fun gardening with your kids. They both can handle a hoe, a rake and a shovel. I do want you to know that I washed your daughter's hand thoroughly after I caught her playing in the weed and feed I was spreading in my yard. Yes, if they are going to come in my yard and ask to help, you betcha, I ain't gonna say no. I did, however, draw the line at swinging the axe. I think that is a lesson for family to teach. Blood makes me woozy. I'm not sure what they did with all your tools. All I know is they took them back toward your yard. Oh, and by the way, your hoe is bigger than mine. Your son made sure to point that out.

Good job on making your daughter clean her room. Did the toys really go in the trash or did "Daddy" just put them out of sight somewhere? You missed some Dad and she thinks that is funny. She still has her Bratzs dolls so no big loss on the other toys. Just thought I'd let you know.

Your son may have a future as a stunt man. He is very skilled on his bike. The way he jumps off and pulls it back before he runs out into the street in front of a car is awesome. You should have seen it. Really. Gifted.

He can also shimmy up the pole to my basketball goal. He's quick too. It only took him mere seconds after I told him to stay off to do it again. I wouldn't have minded so much except that little rope anchoring it in the ground has been baking in the sun for four years and the firewood added as extra weight is dried out. The firewood is there because the base doesn't hold water. This goal will fall. All you have to do is look at the egg shaped hoop and the dents in the concrete for proof. Although, if it had fallen today it most likely wouldn't have hit the ground just my son's car. No big deal. He has just worked his *ss off to make the payments and insurance.

Can I borrow your son the next time I have a garage sale? He's really quick about pulling crap out of my garage. I think I had him put the racket, the tennis ball, the basketball, the Frisbee, the kickball, the extra sodas, and the axe back.

Also, they think you both yell too much and the babysitter is mean. She yells at your five year old daughter because she won't close her eyes and take a nap. She tried to explain to the babysitter that you told her it was okay to keep her eyes open as long as she laid there quietly but the babysitter ain't buying it.

Again, thank you for letting me entertain your children for an hour tonight. I forgot how tiring young children can be. I hope you have a great evening and the caffeine and sugar don't keep the children up too long.

I'm going to go hug my teenagers now and hand them each a box of condoms.

I know how he feels

How to train a Marine

Daredevil thought this was going to be a vacation. Ha! His initiation into diving taught him that it is not a sport for weaklings. Those tanks and all that gear get heavy.

We forgot the ladder to the boat so much thrashing was done to get back in. I have the bruises to prove it. I think I got more of a work out than he did on that aspect.

He did get a good one on Chowhound though. My Sweetie, his son, and Chowhound were diving while Daredevil and I stayed around the boat. Daredevil decided to snorkel. Since the waters are so clear he was able to stay right above the three of them the entire time. At one point, he dove down and grabbed Chowhound and then shot back to the surface. Chowhound was freaking out looking around trying to figure out what was getting him. He didn't think to look up. I am so glad it wasn't me. I would have stunk up the ocean.

That was day one.

Today was too windy to dive. It was just a touch to rough to take our little boat out. That and with three of us being beginner divers it just wasn't advisable so we played on the four-wheeler. Actually, we did hang out around the boat today. It was the only shade around. So, were sitting around like a bunch of rednecks on buckets and coolers under the boat. Yeah, quite a site.

All the boys took turns. But Daredevil got the workout. He was having a blast blazing up and down all the dirt roads. That is until it quit on him. He had been gone for an unusually long time without us hearing him so my Sweetie, his son, and Chowhound hopped in the truck and went searching. I stayed behind in case he returned. I walked up the road in the opposite direction the search party when and spotted Daredevil. He was at the top of a hill waving his arms. He was pushing the four-wheeler (except for down hill when he would jump on and ride). He pushed it quite a ways. Poor kid was tired.

I think he'll make a good Marine. He's tough.

Lionfish Invasion

The Lionfish is invading the Atlantic Ocean. This fish is native to the Red Sea. I saw one yesterday for the first time in the shallow, clear waters of the Bahamas. It is beautiful. But, like so many beautiful things it can be deadly. They are very poisonous. We kept our distance although my Sweetie kept threatening to push me into the thing. Men can be such brats.

A little late but...

...we made it. It wouldn't be a trip to Exuma without some sort of complication. It's tradition. I have been delayed in Miami (on more than one occasion) both leaving the country and returning home. I have been delayed in Exuma. Now, I have finally, officially been delayed on every leg of the trip from Jacksonville to Miami to Exuma, Bahamas. We missed our flight Wednesday morning. By three minutes. Three minutes late and they wouldn't check our luggage in. If we only had carry on we would have made it without any problem.

But, because Daredevil has a lead foot, we had to spend our extra time sitting on the side of the road with the dancing blue lights behind us. The cop was nice and understanding.

He asked Daredevil at what point did he realize that it was a police car he had passed (it was unmarked).

It was right as we were doing 70 to pass him and Chowhound asked Daredevil "Is that a cop? He has a spotlight on his car."

"No, I think it was an old police car that was probably sold at auction."

Then they spent the next few miles discussing it. They were coming to the conclusion that it was a retired car that the spotlight had been left on when the blue lights settled the debate.

He did reduce the ticket by putting we were only doing 69 in a 60 instead of the 76 we were actually doing. However, he only laughed when I asked for an escort to the airport since we were really, really running late by that point. So, we missed out flight. Instead of getting into my Sweetie's arms at 2:30 pm, I had to wait until 9 pm.

Officially...

ON VACATION!!!!

Tomorrow

9:45am flight to Miami
1:00pm flight to Exuma, Bahamas
2:30pm I'll be in the arms of my Sweetie

Yeah, tomorrow is going to be a good day!

Tell me

What defines love?

UPDATE: I found one explantion here.