Manic-Depressive

I always knew it was true. Now, I have proof.

I can so relate

AN OPEN LETTER TO:

Mr. JAMES THATCHER
BRAND MANAGER, PROCTER & GAMBLE CORPORATION

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core(tm) or Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing?

As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in capri pants. Which brings me to the reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words:

"Have a Happy Period."

Are you &#@%ing kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness-actual smiling, laughing happiness-is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlúa and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreens armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull your head out, man. If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong"? Or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your accounting department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending crap. And that's a promise I will keep.

Best Always,

Wendi Aarons

Austin, TX

Dreams and Memories

I love when wonderful memories come flooding my dreams and I feel like I have stepped back in time. This morning I had one of those. Chowhound was three years old. He crawled into bed next to me and snuggled and started talking about everything. I could smell his sweet baby smell. I could hear the innocence in his voice. It gave me the warm fuzzies. I'm trying to hang on to that feeling. I want to keep it with me all day. I miss those times.

Unfit mother

I read this article about a horrible accident at an illegal street car race. Seven people were killed when a car ran into the crowd of about 50 people.

The reporter interviewed one woman.

"There were just bodies everywhere; it was horrible," said Crystal Gaines, 27, whose father was among the dead.

Gaines said she grabbed her child but could not help her father, William Gaines Sr., 61. (emphasis mine)

She grabbed her child. Hello. McFly. What the hell was she thinking? She had her child with her at an illegal street race at 3:40 AM. While the article did not mention the age of her child, do the math. Unless she was 9 when she gave birth, which I highly doubt but don't rule it out as she seems pathetically stupid, her child is a minor. And I'm guessing that since she had to grab her child out of danger's way, the child was young enough not to know to run. What a stupid, irresponsible person! Now this child has witnessed it's grandfather's death. How tragic. The article didn't mention if any of the spectators had been arrested but I believe that woman should have been. Stupid. Stupid. And then to top it off, she agreed to be interviewed and named.

If my father had just been killed and I had my child at an illegal race in the middle of the night, I certainly would avoid reporters. Somebody slap a stupid sticker on her forehead and give her child to someone with common sense and love so that child can be protected.

MonaVie

Has anyone tried Mona*Vie? Do you know anyone selling it?

This is the latest thing going around work right now. One of the guys I work with claims he makes a 6 digit income off of selling Mona*Vie and getting others to sell it. I'm not sure how long he has been doing it.

It looks like overpriced juice sold through a pyramid organization to me.

Comments, anyone?

Change

Remember, the only thing that doesn't change is the fact that everything changes. I will embrace the changes in my life and make them work to my advantage. Attitude affects change.

PMS and Affirmations don't mix

I am aware of my body chemistry. I can overcome the frickin ragin hormones and find inner peace and tranquility. I can get through the day without ripping someone's head off.


It's hard as hell to write an affirmation when your PMSing.

Thursday 13-Reasons I love my Man

Happy Valentine's Day Everyone!

Here is a list of why I love my Sweetie. I sent to this to him recently. I believe you should always let the people you love know how you feel everyday not just a couple of times a year. So, I sent him a reason a day for 11 days. Close enough for a Thursday Thirteen. So, now I want the world to know why I fell in love with this man.

So, Happy Valentine's Day to the love of my life.

13. 12. 11. There are a million little reasons why I love you and I could easily list one for every day of the year. But, they add up to the most important one. I love you because you are YOU. You don't hide or pretend to be anything you're not. That's why I fell in love with you.

10. You're honest, hardworking, and lovable

9. You're cute.

8. You're smart. You educate yourself.

7. When I am upset or stressed you, usually, try and make me smile. That makes my stresses go away.

6. You make my coffee just perfect. You make it better than I do.

5. You don't fuss and yell about my driving. You either tease me or just don't let me drive. That's fine with me.

4. You genuinely care about the people in your life. You may worry excessively and fuss at times but you do it out of love and concern because you want people to strive to better themselves or circumstances like you have done. You want the people you love the be happy.

3. You're not afraid to show your sensitive side. You'll watch chick flicks, the Lifetime and Oxygen channels. I love it when you describe and discuss what you've watched and how it relates to you.

2. You strive to be the best that you can be. You're always trying to improve who you are and to live according to your values.

1. Your laugh. It fills the room. It makes me smile. It lights up your face and reveals your soul.

Motivation

It's important that my motivation comes from within and I put a little humor in every day.

Happy Thoughts

Today, I will think happy thoughts. I will bring peace and harmony into my life at will.

Throwing away baggage

It's my past. I can throw away baggage I don't want.

Can't change your life; change your attitude

I can get my tired butt in gear and go to work. It's okay that I am an hour late. The world will not end and I don't have to feel guilty. After all, I'm doing them a favor by coming in on my day off.

Yeah, that's my affirmation for today.

Screw 'em. I'm tired. I'll get there when I get there.

I survived Canada

I got to make a snow angel. Nope. No pictures were taken of that. But, I can say now that I have experienced snow. The only other time in my life that I have been in snow was when I was 8 years old and we lived in Virgina Beach. Florida snow doesn't count.

I was disappointed though. I couldn't make a snowball. The snow wouldn't stick together.

Manitoba Canada is flat. Flat like Florida flat. Only there aren't many trees to block the view so you can see for miles and miles.

I wasn't able to get many pictures since we were working 12 to 15 hours per day. Remind me not to work with IT people again. Those people get hunkered down in front of their laptops and forget there is another world around. We didn't even break for dinner. We wound up eating dinner at 11pm.

Overall, it was a good trip with a great bunch of people. But, boy am I tired.

He'd get my vote

I wish Senator Jim DeMint was going to be on the Presidential ballot this November. I'd vote for him just based on his comments and reaction to the Berkeley City Council trying to make the Marines move their recruiter office.

“This is a slap in the face to all brave service men and women and their families. The First Amendment gives the City of Berkeley the right to be idiotic, but from now on they should do it with their own money. If the city can’t show respect for the Marines that have fought, bled and died for their freedom, Berkeley should not be receiving special taxpayer funded handouts. I am currently drafting legislation to ensure that American taxpayers aren’t forced to pay for this insult by rescinding all of the earmarks for Berkeley in the Omnibus Appropriations bill, and to transfer the funds to the Marine Corps.”

Go Jim!