Friday, December 30, 2005

We're back.

I'm working on polishing up my posts and getting back to reality. I hope to be back in the swing of things shortly. I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

We made it!

Chowhound and I are here in beautiful Exuma, Bahamas. The flight yesterday was a little unnerving but we eventually made it. It wasn't bad enough that yesterday morning the news reported two airplane crashes. Both in the cities I was flying out from. Nothing like hearing this hours before you climb on board. But, then 10 minutes into the flight out of Miami, the pilot announced we were having a minor indicator problem and were returning to Miami. He assured us it was minor but then added that it involved the propulsion system. I'm sure they are trained to always announced that problems are minor. We landed back in Miami without indicent, but not without my nerves being on edge. Maintenence boarded the plane, without tools, went into the cockpit for a short while. Then, the pilot announced that we were good to go because one of the two systems was still operating properly. Finally, we made it.

Today, diving was great. We will have pictures tomorrow. I forgot to charge my camera battery and then a bird committed suicide in the transformer so we had no electricity. And when the power is out, it doesn't matter how many outlets you plug the charger in, it won't work. I know I tried three. My brain hasn't destressed and kicked back in yet. Teenagers will do that do you.

Monday, December 19, 2005

Teenager Logic

I, no longer being a teenager, have long shed the teen brain gene. The gene that makes stupid things seem like wonderful and obviously sensible ideas. But, they abound in my household.

Example #1: Yesterday was 45 and drizzly. Terribly weather to have to be out in. Daredevil was called into work. He opted to peddle my beachcomber bike the mile to work in the nasty, miserable weather, rather than pick up the phone and ask his father to take him. When asked why he didn't call for a ride, he stated, "I was feeling lazy. I didn't feel like calling" Hello, knock knock. Anybody home. Ride in a warm car vs peddling your ass off in frickin freezing rain. My logic says call for a ride. But, then again, what do I know? I'm only the mother.

Example #2: Improviser lives up to his name again. I'm once again shaking my head and wondering, why? I came home to a trail of mischief today. I moved into Mother Detective mode immediately upon spying the lid to the spackle lying on the kitchen counter. Okay. Where is the rest of the container? And where is the hole? So, move into living room. I spy the spackle, a screwdriver, a knife, pliers and a chair. This is getting interesting. I'm scanning the walls trying to find the repair job. I can't spot any. Must have done a good job (beaming, I taught them well) or I'm just looking in the wrong place. I haul the boys in for questioning. It was the latter. I missed where the living room closet door had been repaired. BUT, THEN I HEAR THE REST OF THE STORY. That's not all I overlooked. The door had originally been on the hall closet when it was damaged. Big brother vs Little brother. Teasing. Taunting. Things flying. People running and ducking. Only the closet door was injured. No further explanation needed there. Just explain to me why Improviser thought the hole in the door would be less noticeable in the living room verses the hall. He went to great effort to take both doors off and switch them. THEN he looked for the spackle and repaired the hole. I don't understand the logic, but it actually worked out well. The living room closet door never has closed right. Now, it closes just fine. Dumb luck saves his butt again.

I am sooooooooooo ready for my vacation. Chowhound and I leave tomorrow. I must really be out of my mind and need this vacation if I can find logic in leaving an 18, 19 and 20 year old alone in my house and with possession of my car for a week while I am out of the country. Yes, you counted right. There is an extra hormone driven, dain bramaged male staying in my house. Improviser's best friend who just completed bootcamp. And who turns 20 Friday. OMG. What am I doing? Evidently, I still possess a small amount of that teen gene or senility is moving in already. If I don't return from the Bahamas, you'll know I regained my senses.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Christmas Music Memories

Momma Bug dug out the Christmas Albums and this resurrected memories for me as well. I grew up in an era of 33's and 45's. Record players. Adapters. Scratches and skips. And the ability to change the speed on the player so everyone sounded like Alvin and Chipmunks. We, too, had a collection of Christmas records. I believe my mom still has them tucked in a closet somewhere too. We decorated our pilfered tree to dogs "singing" Jingle Bells and Alvin and his cohorts screeched out traditional songs in a non-traditional style. Those were my mom's favorites. My favorites included two songs on a 45 sung by Yogi Jorgesson , "I yust go nuts at Christmas" and "Yingle Bells". They were in a Swedish accent, I believe, and were comical. **OMGosh. I just googled it and found the lyrics and someone else's memories revolved around this song. Too funny. Hat tip to StinaLisa.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

You can dress her up, you can't take her out

OMG. I can't believe what I did. I re-enacted the restaurant scene from Pretty Woman. I am usually dressed in jeans, tee shirt, hard hat, steel toed boots, grease and dirt. But, last night for our Company Christmas party, I dolled myself up. Elegant, sexy dress. Pantyhose. Heels. Makeup. The works. I looked good. Sophisticated and Uptown. But, you can dress me up, you can't take me out. As I attempted to pinch the tail off my shrimp cocktail, it took flight. Unlike in Pretty Woman, there wasn't a waiter standing by to catch it. Instead it sailed right into my Boss's forehead. Cocktail sauce splattered all in his hair and face. After the initial shock wore off, he laughed and said, "Slippery little bugger isn't it." Oh, I was so embarrassed. So much for a Christmas bonus.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Christmas Cake Recipe


You'll need the following:

1 cup of water
1 cup of sugar
2large brown eggs
2 cups of dried fruit
1 teaspoon of salt
1 cup of brown sugar
Lemon juice
1 bottle of whisky

Sample the whisky to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it's the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again. Make sure the whisky is still OK. Cry another tup. Tune up the mixer. Beat two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fired druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it goose with a drewscriver. Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whisky. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon the sugar or something. Whatever you can find. Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the whisky again and go to bed.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Mistletoe at the Airport

Being a frequent Airline traveler, I had to post this one. I fully expect to see this in Miami.

Mistletoe At The Airport

It was slightly before Christmas. The trip went reasonably well,
and he was ready to go back. The airport on the other end had turned
a tacky red and green, and loudspeakers blared annoying elevator
renditions of cherished Christmas carols.

Being someone who took Christmas very seriously, and being slightly
tired, he was not in a particularly good mood.

Going to check in his luggage (which, for some reason, had become one
suitcase with entirely new clothes), he saw hanging mistletoe. Not
real mistletoe, but very cheap plastic with red paint on some of the
rounder parts and green paint on some of the flatter and pointier
parts, that could be taken for mistletoe only in a very Picasso sort
of way.

With a considerable degree of irritation and nowhere else to vent it,
he said to the attendant, "Even if I were not married, I would not want to kiss you under such a
ghastly mockery of mistletoe."

"Sir, look more closely at where the mistletoe is."


"Ok, I see that it's above the luggage scale, which is the place you'd
have to step forward for a kiss."

"That's not why it's there."


"Ok, I give up. Why is it there?"

"It's there so you can kiss your luggage goodbye."

New 12 Days of Christmas Policy


To: All Staff
Date: December 1
Subject: New "Twelve Days of Christmas" Policy

The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the early reindeer retirement package has triggered a good deal of concern about whether they will be replaced, and about other restructuring decisions at the North Pole.

Streamlining is due to the North Pole's loss of dominance in the season's gift distribution business. Home Shopping TV channels and mail order catalogues have diminished Santa's market share. He and the Board could not sit idly by and permit further erosion of the profit picture.

The reindeer downsizing was made possible through purchase of a late model Japanese sled for the CEO's annual trip. Improved productivity from Dasher and Dancer, who summered at the Harvard Business School, is anticipated. Reduction in the reindeer will also lessen airborne environmental emissions for which the North Pole has received unfavorable press (gas and solid waste).

We're pleased to inform you that Rudolph's role will not be disturbed. Tradition still counts for something at the North Pole!

Management denies, in the strongest possible language, the earlier leak that Rudolph's nose get red, not from the cold, but from substance abuse. Calling Rudolph "a lush who was into the sauce and never did pull his share of the load" was an unfortunate comment, made by one of Santa's helpers and taken out of context at a time of the year when they are known to be under 'executive stress'.

As for further restructuring, today's global challenges require the North Pole to continue to look for better, more competitive steps. Effective immediately, the following economy measures are to take place in the "Twelve Days of Christmas" music subsidiary:

1) The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree, which never produced the cash crop forecasted, will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance;

2) Two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions are, therefore, eliminated;

3) The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the French;

4) The four calling birds will be replaced by an automated voice mail system, with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked;

5) The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implications for institutional investors. Diversification into other precious metals, as well as a mix of T-Bills and high technology stocks, appear to be in order;

6) The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per day was an example of the general decline in productivity. Three geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by personnel will assure management that, from now on, every goose it gets will be a good one;

7) The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times. The function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on order. The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes, thereby enhancing their outplacement;

8) As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought. The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility. Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching;

9) Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps;

10) Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords, plus the expense of international air travel, prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen. While leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant as we expect an oversupply of unemployed congressmen this year;

11) Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cutback on new music, and no uniforms, will produce savings which will drop right to the bottom line;

Overall we can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals and related expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship in one day, service levels will be improved.

Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorney's association seeking expansion to include the legal profession ("thirteen lawyers-a-suing"), a decision is pending.

Deeper cuts may be necessary in the future to remain competitive. Should that happen, the Board will request management to scrutinize the Snow White Division to see if seven dwarfs is the right number.

Happy Holidays all!!

Monday, December 12, 2005

5 Indicators of my Uniqueness

I'm renaming this Meme that Quality Weenie passed off to me. Weird habits. I have none. They are not weird to me, anyhow. They are eccentricities of my personality. The things that set me aside from the mainstream. I don't notice them until people point them out.

1. I rock. We're not talking music. And I don't need a chair. Think autistic. Rainman even. Definitely Rainman. Definitely. If I can't rock back and forth or side to side, then my leg or foot will be moving. I am hardly ever still. Something has to move.

2. I rarely watch a movie at home from beginning to end. Either I fall asleep or I have to get up and wander around. Do something. Sitting still doesn't happen very often. See #1. Now, I can go to the theatre and watch the entire movie without a problem. But, it takes 2 or 3 viewings at home before I see the whole thing.

3. It has to be noisy for me to go to sleep. I use the TV for a nightlight and background sound. If it is quiet my mind conjures up all sorts of ghosts and evil things lurking. If the TV gets turned off, I will immediately sit up and say, "Hey, I was watching that." Evidently, I watch it with my ears. (This only applies if I'm not with my Sweetie. I guess it's a security issue.)

4. I post notes for myself everywhere. On doors, mirrors, on the steering wheel. Anywhere obvious. I am extremely forgetful. I have to post a note on the door leading outside when I light candles in the house. Otherwise, I will leave without blowing them out. I have done this more than once. So now I have a note on the door.

5. I have to have keep at least one book in the bathroom. Otherwise, I will be reading the back of the shampoo bottle or anything within reach.

So, there you have it. Five indicators of my uniqueness. Now, who hasn't been tagged. If I tag you and already did this and I just couldn't find your post about it, then tag someone for me. So, I'm tagging Love and Koolaid Stains, Naya's Reality, Son of a DJ, and GA Mongrel.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Dive Day Two

Yeah! Chowhound and I completed and passed our diving certification. It was a wonderful experience. But, it was C.O.L.D. COLD today. I sometimes forget I live in NORTH Florida. Today the emphasis was on North. I don't know what happened to the Florida part. It was gone. We froze. The water in the spring is 70 year round. Today, it was warmer in the water. If you consider 70 warm. I don't. But, I guess if you learn in the worst conditions everything else is a piece of cake.

But, we froze our butts off. Well, I don't think Chowhound's butt was very cold because he commented at the end of the third and final dive, "I don't know why but I had to pee every 5 minutes." Wonderful. Kinda makes you feel like you're swimming in someone's toilet. Yuck. I guess that's how he stayed warm today. The thing is though, It wasn't his wetsuit. It belongs to the dive shop. And it was brand new. They took off the tags and handed it to him since none of the others fit the skinny beanpole. A $140 wetsuit. Hope they rinse it out good.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

I love living in FL

While a lot of you are shoveling snow and freezing, this is what you can do in Florida in December. Chowhound and I went diving in Devil's Den. We are completing our open water diving certification. It was his first dive. He did incredible. Better than I did and I've dove before (only twice, but still). Brat. I guess I should be glad that my children are more coordinated than I am. But, to be showed up by a 15 year old. Geezzzzzz. Actually, I was really proud of him. He said, "And, on the video they make it seem likes it hard." Gotta love him.

Devil's den is a beautiful place. Since it's a fresh water spring, there isn't much aquatic life, but there were giant catfish. They swam right up to us. Looking for those catfish goodies they sell there. I wasn't scared, but it was a little unnerving to have a group of 3ft catfish circling around inspecting you. Tomorrow we go to a different place. I can't wait.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Nerves or Mind which goes first

My nerves are frazzled and I'm about out of my mind. Any bets on which goes first? It's been an interesting couple of days in my household. And right now is no exception. The "boys" are wrestling. Daredevil, Chowhound and Remington. I'm taking bets on the dog. He'll whoop both of them. Although, I am watching my Charlie Brown Christmas Tree wondering if it will survive another season.

I fried several nerves yesterday and think I popped a blood vessel or two. At work, we are making and collecting shoeboxes for seniors. One of the guys brought in an undecorated box. I volunteered to make it pretty. So, during lunch I zipped home to grab my wrapping paper. Wow, I probably have a shoebox here somewhere, I thought. So I'm doing a mad dash through the house checking closets for shoeboxes. I whipped open Chowhound's closet door. My heart stopped and I screamed. THERE WAS SOMEONE IN IT! It took me several hearts beats and gray hairs to realize it was Daredevil. He skipped school. I guess it seemed like a place I wouldn't look. Two lessons learned. First, you can't skip school without your mother finding out. Secondly and more importantly don't ever scare the crap out of your mother like that. I fumed! Talk about boiling mad. Not to mentioned scared to death. He abruptly checked into school. (I didn't realize it at the time, it was a half day and they only had 15 minutes left.) It was a good thing for him I had to get back to work right then and he had to work that night. That gave me 8 hours to try and simmer down.

So, I come home. Still smoldering. I walk into a nice clean house. Improviser is currently job hunting and in his spare time as been "spoiling" me. In addition to the housework, he is making pumpkin pie. As he is pouring the pumpkin mixture into the pieshell, the bowl slips and splashes into the pie. Splosh! Pumpkin pie mix everywhere. All over and in the electric stove. We cleaned it up pretty well, I thought. Then, as I'm frying cube steak and talking on the phone to my mother, sparks start shooting from the stove like "old sparky". The entire house dims and then comes back to life. I'm juggling the phone, screaming, running and wondering if I have any lives left. So, now all I want for Christmas is a brand new stove. I just flipped the breaker and figured I'd deal with it later. Improviser took it apart today and is going tomorrow to get the parts to fix it. He sure has been handy lately.

And the story continues....Part II tomorrow.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Christmas Reservations

The airline reservations are a done deal. However, my internal mother reservations are still wavering. Chowhound and I are going to spend Christmas with my Sweetie. For those of you who don't know, Sweetie lives on an island in the Bahamas. Naturally, Chowhound is excited and Daredevil and Improviser are pouting. I hate not having all my boys with me for Christmas. But, finances and schedules play a really big part in the plans.

Chowhound was supposed to go with me this summer. A few days before our scheduled departure, an opportunity arose for him to tour with a drum and bugle corps for the summer and he chose not to go with me then. So, he already has his ticket paid for. I cannot afford to take everyone at one time. Plus, Daredevil has to work and Improviser has to look for work since he was laid off. And somebody has to take care of the dog.

I talked it over with the boys before I made the decision. Chowhound thinks it great. Of course. He gets to go to the Bahamas without his brothers. The other two understand and are ok with it (I think) and are having fun making me feel guilty. Which isn't necessary since I feel guilty without their help. I love being with my boys especially at Christmas. Although, since they are now older teenagers the magic of Christmas is not the same. They will not be alone though. They will spend the holidays with their dad. Also, their Aunt has invited them over to her house which is a 5 hour drive. Which is probably where they will go. But, that scares me too. Road trip + teenagers alone for the first time = speeding tickets. I worry about accidents too, but I'm trying really, really, really hard not to think about that.

I believe Daredevil and Improviser have a TV idea of what "the Bahamas" are like. They are probably picturing half naked women wandering the beaches. This island is not like that. This island is just beginning to be touristized. Most of the roads are still unpaved. There is no Mall, no convenience stores, movie theater or anything. The only blockbuster on the island is the guy parked under the tree selling videos out of his trunk. This is not a place where you can just run up to the store. It's like stepping back in time. Which is probably why I love it. But, not a heaven for hormone driven teenagers. There is diving and fishing and four wheeling and jet ski-ing, weather permitting. Well, maybe on the other hand they would have a great time. Guilt setting in again. I think I'll go invest a few bucks in the FL Redneck Retirement fund aka FL lottery. Maybe then I can take everyone. But, then what would I do with the dog? Sheesh! It's always something.

I'm Delenn

Which Fantasy/SciFi Character Are You?

Devoutly dedicated to helping lead others to glory, you are a strong, supportive, and spiritual caregiver.

Summoned, I take the place that has been prepared for me.

Delenn is a character in the Babylon 5 universe. You can read her biography at the Worlds of JMS fansite.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Happy Gobble Gobble Day

Image Hosted by

It's the national it's ok to stuff your self silly day. Overeating is publicly accepted and encouraged. I am off to Pensacola to spend time with my family. That should give me plenty to blog about. Never a dull moment when I get together with my three sisters. So, have a great Thanksgiving and forget about the diet until January.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Nervous Mother

Sometimes I hate being a mother. Like tonight. I'm sitting on pins and needles waiting for the two oldest boys to come home. They went downtown for a concert fest. An all day event sponsored by a local radio station. The day part didn't bother me. Coming home from downtown at night does. It is easy to miss the exit and end up in some not so comforting neighborhoods. Improviser and Daredevil are 18 and 19. They are old enough to go by themselves. Rationally, I tell myself this. But, the mother part that wants to protect them still worries. I'm waiting by the phone. I jump everytime it rings. Watching them "spread their wings" is like watching them take their first step. It scares you not them.

They went to this event last year. I took them. I stayed on site, out of the way and read a book. Just in case. Call me over protective, but they were barely 17 and 18 and I had no idea what it would be like there. It was a well managed event last year. I know they need to grow up and I trust my boys so I feel confident that they won't be an any trouble. But, it 's still a mother's fear.

Kid Quotes

Just a few things I have overheard kids say lately. I hear good things all the time and make a mental note to remember it. But, apparently I'm out of cerebral post it notes or mental ink because I can't remember most of them.

Overheard from my neighbor's backyard: a little boy's voice, "I have a hose and I know how to use it."

One little girl to another in Wal-Mart while their mothers stood talking, "Don't sit on the floor. They'll sweep you up and you'll be gone."

I was asking Chowhound about the movie he was watching. He turned, pointed the remote at me and said, "Mute".

Alarm Clock Meme

I probably shouldn't announce this because it's asking for trouble, but I have been tagged with my first Meme by Oddybobo. And I agree with her, it's not even a cool one. But, having a lack of material lately, it gives me something to post. So here goes nothing.

1. Do you use an alarm clock to wake up in the morning?
Not to wake up. I set it but I am usually awake before it goes off.

2. What time do you set it for?
5AM. I am a morning person. I love the quiet of the mornings and this is when I get the most done.

3. Do you hit the snooze button? If so how many times?
Sometimes. Usually once or twice if I got to bed late.

4. Have you ever abused an alarm clock?
No. But, my ex had one when we got married that I made him get rid of because I couldn't stand the sound of it. It was extremely irritating and made me want to abuse more than the alarm clock.

5. It’s time to spread some “It’s Blogcess” linky love.

Rules of the game, so I have been told:

First: Copy and paste #1 - #5(Make sure to link to: “It’s Blogcess”, which is the link in #5. Because it’s always polite to link to the one who started the linky love.)

Second: Link to my site (because it’s polite to link to the site that tagged you).

Third: Go and tag up to five other blogs, or more if ya like.

Fourth: Email the owner of, or post on the blogs that you have tagged, to inform them that you’ve tagged them.

So, who do I tag? No one. I'll wait for a better one. Beside, everyone I know already did this, I think.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Another Goofy Mom

This must be Goofy Mom Week. I'm still wiping the tears from my eyes after reading Bou's admission to being a Goofy Mom. I can stand proudly beside her after the stunt I pulled last night.

It has been a brain draining week. I am now fully submerged in my new position at work. It is all brain work and little physical activity. Whereas, for the last 8 years it's been just the opposite. My brain is screaming overload. When I get home now, I don't want to do anything that requires thinking or concentration. Hence, the lack of posts this week. So, last night I was vegging in bed checking my eyelids for leaks, when Chowhound comes and requests I cut his hair. I'm still in a blurry state. But, not wanting to disillusion my child on my motherly qualities, I drag myself out of bed and stare at the clock. It was 7:30pm. That should pretty much sum up my week and state of mind. I told him to get everything set up in the garage and I would be there shortly. Now, I am not a hairstylist. I do buzz cuts only. Nothing fancy here. Chowhound and Daredevil like my haircuts. Improviser won't come near me when I have clippers in my hand. Last night, Chowhound should have taken his advice. Now, Chowhound went to all the trouble last night to thoroughly clean the clippers. He took them apart, oiled them and put them back together. I was impressed. It was more than I have ever done. I usually just rinse them in a vat of WD-40, wipe it off and hope for the best. Chowhound likes his hair short. I always use a #2 guard. Well, in my brain stupor and admiration of his cleaning job on the clippers, I forgot to put any type of guard on it. Opps. I didn't realize my mistake until he had a nice reverse Mohawk going. On the side of his head. OMG. I couldn't believe I did that. I once shaved him completely bald at his request. He does not have the head for it. Some people can pull it off; Chowhound is not one of them. So, not wanting him to be totally bald, I finished it with the #1 guard, lots of apologies and a promise that in a week it would grow out and we could even it out. He has a band competition today. And since he is in the pit, he doesn't have the advantage of a hat. I might be out of the haircut business for good now.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Birth Order Quiz

You Are Likely A Fourth Born

At your darkest moments, you feel angry.
At work and school, you do best when your analyzing.
When you love someone, you tend to be very giving.

In friendship, you don't take the initiative in reaching out.
Your ideal jobs are: factory jobs, comedy, and dentistry.
You will leave your mark on the world with your own personal philosophy.

This Quiz surprised me because it's right. I am the fourth born.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

My Jack-o-lantern face

I know, I know. I'm a little late with this. But, I'm a bargain shopper. I do after the holidays sales. So you shouldn't be surprised that I'm just now finding and posting this.

discover your jack-o-lantern face @ quiz me

Hat tip to Cindermutha's Corner.

Shoeboxes for Seniors

My company is involved in another community project. This one I like. It's Shoe Boxes for Seniors. We have a list of items that can be purchased and placed in a decorated shoe box. The shoe boxes will be distributed to the area nursing homes. This is a worthwhile project. Too many seniors are tossed into nursing homes and forgotten and neglected. It's not always intentional. Sometimes it's for convenience. Sometimes, it's because there is no one else.

This project reminded me of a very special lady I met in 1995. I only knew her briefly but she impacted my life and I will never forget her. I interviewed Sally for one of my history assignments in college. She was 93 at the time, according to the nursing home staff. She claimed she was 87. A woman and her vanity, no need to argue; you won't win. She was a riot. She wasn't there because she was impaired. She didn't have anywhere else to go. She had outlived her husband and both her sons. Her current boyfriend was the furry four legged variety that stayed curled up in her lap purring. Sally had an amazing life. She had been set up to go to law school. A daring thing in itself for a woman during that time. But, instead she ditched college and went into vaudeville. She danced and sang for years. She finally went to nursing school and during wartime met her husband. Her tired eyes perked up when she talked of him and all she had done. It was wonderful talking to her but sad too. She felt she was just wasting space. Everyone she loved was gone and she wasn't useful any more. I visited her a few times and then I moved away too.

So, the Shoeboxes for Seniors is a project that touches my heart because we will be going and handing these out personally. There is a lot of life and experience in the residents of a home. Most of the people love to have visitors. It doesn't matter if they know you or not. They are wonderful to talk to. And if you really want to see a Senior's eyes light up, take a toddler with you. Most love to see small children. I think the orphanages, day care centers and nursing homes need to be side by side.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Poem from the Past

I have always collected poems, tidbits and anything else I found interesting. While sifting through a box of "memories", I came across this cute little poem. I have been hauling this one around for approximately 30 years. I know this because I have my sixth grade teacher's name and my homeroom number on it. But, shame on my teacher. She did not put the author's name on it, but I did. Hope you get a giggle or two.


"I cannot go to school today."
Said little Peggy Ann McKay.
"I have the measles and the mumps,
A gash, a rash and purple bumps.
My mouth is wet, my throat is dry,
I'm going blind in my right eye.
My tonsils are as big as rocks,
I've counted sixteen chicken pox
And there's one more-that's seventeen,
And don't you think my face looks green?
My let is cut, my eyes are blue
It might be instamatic flu.
I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,
I'm sure that my left leg is broke_
My hip hurts when I move my chin,
My belly button's caving in.
My back is wrenched, my ankle's sprained.
My 'pendix pains each time it rains.
My nose is cold, my toes are numb,
I have a sliver in my thumb.
My neck is stiff, my spine is weak,
I hardly whisper when I speak.
My tongue is filling up my mouth,
I think my hair is falling out
My elbow's bent, my spine ain't straight,
My temperature is one-o-eight.
My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear,
There is a hole inside my ear.
I have a hangnail, and my heart is___What?
What's that? What's that you say?
You say today is....Saturday?
G'bye, I'm going out to play!?

Shel Silverstein

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

I'm back

Highlights of my trip:

American Airlines gives birthday presents. At least they do me. For two years in a row now, they have given me an all expense paid night in Miami. Note to self: Next year have Sweetie with you.

Warning, if you are on the fifth floor of the hotel and the elevator buttons don't work, don't take the stairs because they keep the doors to the other floors locked and you have to walk back up. I'm really glad there wasn't a fire.

There is apparently a no luggage in the restaurant law. I was told to leave my luggage in the hotel lobby while I ate. I didn't. I left.

Always make sure your children are fully awake when you tell them what time to pick you up at the airport.

Start worrying when you find a BIG CITY TATTOO card in your car. I was told they were just looking. I haven't seen any tattoos and if they did and I can't see them, I don't want to see them.

The police chief of a small town will bring your child home if he is walking around on Halloween night dressed all in black carrying a paint ball gun. And he will take one of the paint balls to use for identification in case anyone complains.

Teenagers and DOGS can exist on Ramen noodles.

If your teenagers says, "I did not skip on Friday or Monday" figure out which day he did not include. (Tuesday)

Make sure when you have your ride drop you off to get your car keys from your kid, that you kid has the car. (The car was at home)

Prepare yourself before you walk in the house when your son says, "I thought you were coming home yesterday. It was clean then."

Saturday, October 29, 2005

Happy Birthday to Me!

Yes, I'm tooting my own horn. I love my birthday. It means I have survived another year and I'm beginning anew. I am now officialy forty-something. I figure every day on this side of the dirt is a good one and I'm going to celebrate it. So everyone have a great weekend and celebrate with me in spirit.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Don't need cheese anymore

Harvey, you can have your hoop of Cheddar cheese back. I don't need it. American Airlines changed their notice and are up and running full operations again. MY TRIP IS BACK ON! Yippie!!!!!!! Tomorrow, I am Bahamas bound to be with my Sweetie and celebrate my birthday. All is good.

Got any cheese?

'cause, I'm whining. What a sucky day this has turned out to be. First, I get roped into helping give free handouts to the not so f(ing) needy. Then, I find out I'm a victim of Wilma's aftermath. Plus, it's cold. Yes, I'm whining and I'm pissed. The only way this could have been "better" would be if I was PMSing. Which I'm not, but might as well be. WTF pile it all on. I don't care.

Every year, my company sponsors a food drive through one of the local food banks. I don't volunteer for it. I'd rather go poke my eyes out or pull my fingers out or some other form of torture. It's not that I don't like helping people. On the contrary, I'll be the first to give you the shirt off my back or help you in any way I can, if you need it. But, it absolutely galls me to hand out free food to some of these people. Yes, some need and deserve the help. But, then you have the ones with the brand new cars, talking on their cell phones and complaining about what you're giving them. F them. They already receive food stamps and live in free housing. I'm tired of supporting them. They need to get off their dead asses and contribute. I'm a single mother of three teenage boys and I work my ass off to support myself and them. At one time, I lived in subsidized housing and received food stamps. (But, my car was a POS and I didn't have any luxuries.) I have been there. I understand that sometimes you need help. But, you have two choices work the system to get out or work the system to stay in. I wanted out. I put myself through college while raising three toddlers on my own. Screw these people. If I can do it so can they.

Second rant. I HATE HURRICANES, MIAMI, AND AMERICAN AIRLINES. And, not necessarily in that order. Hurricane Wilma destroyed my plans. I was supposed to fly down tomorrow and spend my birthday weekend with my Sweetie. American canceled my flight out of Miami. This Sucks. Another birthday celebration by myself. Last year, I spent my birthday stuck in a hotel in Miami because of a dispatcher dispute. This year, I don't even make it down there. I guess being home is better than being stuck in Miami right now. But, I'm bummed. I miss my Sweetie. I haven't seen him since Sept and was really, really looking forward to spending four days with him. Now, I'll have to wait until Christmas. This really, really sucks. I'm going to check for flights out of other airports and see if I can make it down there somehow. But, what a bitch.

And now it's frickin cold. I hate being cold. I don't have any cheese so I'll stop whining.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

No Blog Fodder---"You're Grounded"

Nothing much today. The boys haven't created any new blog fodder. Maybe I should ground them for that. Hmmm. Getting grounded for not screwing up. I'll have to put some thought in to this and make sure the punishment fits the crime. What would be the punishment for being too good? Grounded for life. Oh, wait. Daredevil is grounded for life already. His Dad did that one. Gotta think. Any suggestions as to how I can make my good kids bad examples? Sounds like a good List. Now I have something to think about and possibly post. Guess this should have been titled "Brainstorming Post".

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

How VW and I fought High School Boredom

There is an obvious and simple pattern to this post. Can you decipher it?VW this should bring back memories and smiles and probably slapping of the forehead.

During our high school days, VWBug and I found all sorts of ways to interrupt the boredom and monotony of school work.Since we could only duel with our imaginary swords between classes, we distracted ourselves during class writing notes.At first they were all plain and straight forward. But, that left the imagination thirsty.So, we began writing encrypted notes. This is an example of how we wrote some of them.This wasn't so the underworld spy teachers couldn't catch us. It was purely boredom control.Our notes progressively got longer and more complicated.I wish I still had some of them.I would love to remember what we wrote about.
VW, Thanks for making High School tolerable.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Beer Troubleshooting

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.

SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.
FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him.

SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they have free beer.

SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: The beer is too weak.
ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.

SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.
FAULT: Beer is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar.

Stolen from The Toque

Remi and Rue

This is Remington. Home protection at it's best. I sometimes think he is the smartest one in the house. Now, I know why. When we aren't home he is busy studying. Maybe he can teach the boys.

This is my darling little Rue and her "boyfriend".

Saturday, October 22, 2005

How desperate can you get?

I have sunk to a new low. I desperately needed chocolate last night. That nawing at you, frantic, leave me alone or I'll bite your head off until I get chocolate desperate. Mother Hubbard's cupboards were bare. Nothing. No vehicle to go to the store. Damn. I kept searching and searching the kitchen like a crazed crack head. Hoping a snickers bar or something would magically appear. I opened the freezer and hit pay dirt. Except it was embedded in orange sherbert. Yuck. I hate orange sherbet. So, being in the chocolate state of mind, I picked the itty bitty chocolate chips out of the sherbet. It couldn't have added up to one bite of a hersheys bar. But, I got my fix. If you don't hear from me for a while it's because I have checked into the Willy Wonka Rehab.

Friday, October 21, 2005

Daredevil's Continuing Saga

Daredevil just walked in and said, "I've got more blog fodder for you." He has officially been "kicked" out of his father's house. He has to bring all his things to my house. (I sure hope that doesn't include the couch he sleeps on.) His father does not want anything more to do with him. Today, after school, Daredevil and 6 other kids, male and female, went to his Dad's house. Daredevil did not want to be rude and make everyone stand outside so he invited them into his Dad's house. They had walked to the elementary school to get one of the girl's little sister and had to walk right past his Dad's house. So the one girl called her Dad from there and let him know where he could pick them up. Daredevil then talked to his Dad's girlfriend on the phone and let her know that he had friends in the house. This was the straw that broke the camel's back. His Dad's policy is no one in the house when he is not home. Regardless of sex. Meaning male and female. Not having, this time. So, his father told him not to come back except to get his stuff. I am staying out of this. This is a male control/independence issue. I sure hope he isn't doing this just to give me something to write about.

When Business gets Personal

I've never been one to get caught up in the politics of business. Most of it is bullshit game playing and I hate it. But, unfortunately, I have found myself in the front row seat and get hit with a turd or two. The two people who work for the contractor my company is booting are slinging crap and being obnoxious. I am one of the people replacing them and although I do not know these people they are being aholes to me. I don't understand why people get personal about business. Business is business. It has nothing to do with how they do their jobs. If their company had let them out of the contract, they would have been hired by my company. They just need to get over it and deal with it or just get the hell out so I can do the job I was hired to. It is frustrating being in an environment like that. Okay, my venting is over. Thanks for listening.

Hurricane Wilma

Ugh, another Hurricane. Everyone is sick and tired of them. It is really becoming apparent in NOAA's discussions. I love today's 4am update.



These forecasts are usually dry and technical. The personalities and frustrations of the forecasters are starting to seep through. I would love to see these forecast if they were not censored by format.

WTF. Here we go again. Everyone in Florida pack up your sh*t and get your as*ses out of the state. We obviously can't predict where this hurricane is going to go. I don't care where you go just don't clogged up the interstates because I'm getting the hell out of here too. If you want further updates, watch the weather channel. They are the only friggin idiots that will be here.
All joking aside, my thoughts and prayers are with my friends in South Florida. Please be take precautions and if you can leave do. I hope the forecasters are grossly wrong and for some unforeseen reason it heads west instead of east. I know all of our blog family and friends will be sitting on edge until we know everyone is okay.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Update of Daredevil's dilemma

Letting your best friend and his girlfriend fool around at your father's house: 16 weeks restriction

Openly defying your father: empty threats

Proof that your ex is an idiot: priceless.

I am still shaking my head in disbelief. This man has a master's degree in psychology. Why the hell doesn't he just use common sense. He used to work with juvenile delinquents. He should realize that Daredevil is basically a well behaved, responsible young man. His rationalization to Daredevil was this: If he were living in a dorm or somewhere else, he would have to abide by the rules set up by the governing authority. Or faced being kicked out. So, he tells Daredevil he has one more chance or else. Or else what. He doesn't live with his father. He visits. He lives with me. What is he going to do, tell his son he can't come over and spend time with him anymore. What an idiot.

Feeling Good

I think I made a wise choice in taking this new position at work. After one day I feel this way. We will wait and see if I feel the same way after one year. I didn't realize until I changed departments just how negative everything was in the old one. Everyone griped about everything all the time. It's funny how you slowly sink into the environment and don't realize how much it weighs you down. Maybe it's just the newness of the job, but there was a jovial and light sense of air about everyone. I felt relaxed. Which is a 180 from how I usually feel when starting something new. But, then again, this is a brand new adventure for everyone involved in this project. These two positions were just created and my partner in crime is an upbeat, wonderful lady. I think what I will gain in attitude and experience will be the greatest benefit of changing jobs. Well, I am off the Charlotte today. We are off for three days of training, inspiration and hopefully a clue as to what we are doing.

As you can see from the time of this post, I can't sleep. I get wired whenever I travel. This plus there are a billion new bits of information processing around in my head. I can't turn my brain off. And, I haven't even brewed the coffee yet. Morning blogging without coffee and I can still make a coherent sentence. But, thank goodness for spell check and the opps keys delete and backspace. I love cyber erasers. I think it's the only time I don't run out of eraser before I run out of "pencil". Technology is wonderful! Otherwise, I would have a heap of wadded up paper and broken, eraserless pencils. Not to mention, no hair or fingernails. Well, this is turning into a caffeine deprived rambling. So I am going to take brewing hints from Humble Devil Dog and see if I can construct some good coffee.

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Daredevil in trouble, again

Daredevil is in an on going battle with his father. I think it is actually has more to do with his father's girlfriend than his Dad. She tells him what to do with his boys. The boys have all commented that their Dad doesn't "have the balls" to stand up to her. They have all gone through it with her. Daredevil is the last one and the most defiant to take a stand. After the stunt he pulled in August, his Dad grounded him for 8 weeks. Even though the boys are all teenagers, his Dad still insists on the every other weekend thing. I could understand this if that is all he ever saw of them, but they are over there everyday. He only lives a 1/2 mile from me and he is right across from their school. Anyways, since this is the case, the punishment is dragged out to 16 weeks. I think it is excessive. He wasn't even the one getting laid. So, fast forward to tonight. Daredevil was invited to a bowling party for the girl involved in the previous incident. His Dad told him no. So, Daredevil went anyways. He got off work at 5 and went without telling anyone. I agree this was wrong. Absolutely wrong. But, I saw it coming. Daredevil is a good kid. He works part time and is involved in the band at school. He does not go off with his friends very often. He is 18 after all. I talked to him and he is willing to take the consequences. He weighed the pros and cons and took his chances. He felt it was worth it. That is the life lesson. There are consequences to every action.

Cleaned out my locker

I cleaned out my locker and said goodbye to my loader today. I've been driving heavy equipment, i.e, dumps trucks, loaders, cranes, forklifts, etc. and doing maintenance for almost 8 years. When I took that position, I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. It was a far cry from the computer and payroll duties I had been doing. I have battled blisters, bruises and the sexual discrimination that is not supposed to exit. I entered the man's world and felt the differences. But, I persevered, proved myself and learned more about the "real" world in that job than in any of the others I have held. (And, I have had a variety too. From vacuum salesperson to legal assistant to Client trainer to home health care and then some.)

It's kind of a melancholy moment. I start down a new path tomorrow. Leaving something comfortable and starting something unknown is stressful. Some many little things are coming up that I really hadn't thought about. Now, I have to think about what to wear to work every day. Not that I have to dress up. Blue jeans and sneakers are ok. Only, I don't have any decent blue jeans. Yet. But, I get to toss the grease stained jeans and T-shirts. I don't have to wear my steel toed boots anymore. Now, I have to think about shoes even. And what to do with my hair. Before, I pulled it back in a pony-tail and threw my hard hat over it. I'm going to have to start coloring it now. You will have able to see that I have a few gray hairs. I can wear jewelry again. Only, I don't own any so that's no big deal there. I can wear make-up now that I won't be wiping dirt and grease off my face a gazillion times a day. Except, I'm really only a special occasion make-up wearer. So, now that I think about it. Nothing is really going to change. Jeans, T-shirt, sneakers and I'll just have to wear my ball cap. Life is still simple.

The hardest part of cleaning out my locker was deciding what to do with my safety harness. I'm not going to need it. But, it's mine. It is styled for a lady and is green, pink and purple, so I didn't figure any of the guys would really want it. So, I kept it. Kind of looks like a S.M outfit, maybe me and my sweetie can make use of it. Hey, halloween's coming up, that's also my birthday weekend and I will be with my sweetie. Think I know what I'll go as for halloween.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Following in my Blog Mom's footsteps

Not having thought of anything of my own today, I just going to mimick my BlogMom, VWBug. ('cause that's what children do!)

Tootsie Roll Pop

It only takes three licks to get to your center!

You Should Get a PhD in Liberal Arts (like political science, literature, or philosophy)

You're a great thinker and a true philosopher.
You'd make a talented professor or writer.

Optimus Prime!
Which Colossal Death Robot Are You?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey

Dominant Personality: Understanding

Good Traits: You gravitate towards people,
and are a shoulder to lean on. You give advice
at any given time.

Bad Traits: You aren't close with any one
person. You immerse yourself in other people's
problems and forget your own.

People see you as: Friendly, secretive, and
popular. People envy you, and may try and use
you as a tool

You're most like: Grace. You both have
positive relationships with people. Neither of
you have close friends, but unlike graceful
people, you try to help people out and aren't
as arrogant.

You need more: Solitude. You hardly get the
chance to breathe when you take on the world's
problems. You can't take other's
responsibilities or put them before your own.
Be selfish once in a while and discover who you
really are.

What's your dominant trait? (10 unique results)
brought to you by Quizilla

Friday, October 14, 2005

Curiosity or Boredom?

Improviser is working the 3-11 shift. Which means he essentially has no contact with anyone at home. We are gone when he gets up and in bed when he gets home. So what do you do when you have free time and no one to talk to? Well, you experiment, of course. Usually, for a mother of a 19 year old this is a frightening thought. Well, last night when I got up for my middle of the night trip to the bathroom and kitchen (because it never fails first you have to pee, then you are thirsty, so you can do it all over again in a few hours), I found he had been experimenting. What I found was a bag of flour, a box of corn starch and a bowl of some goo on the kitchen counter. My 2am sleep fogged brain thinks, "What the hell?" So, I ask him. I got some explanation about solid and liquid states of corn starch and I don't remember what else. I really wasn't comprehending this as I was busy calculating how many hours until the alarm would start blaring. Then today after work, I find this in the freezer:

Notice that the lid is not screwed on the bottle. The bottle is resting on the top of the lid. This prompted another, "What the hell?" and shaking of the head. Groan. I can never tell what goes through that child's mind. I'm sure there is a very good explanation. And, I have no doubt I will hear it in the wee hours when my brain is screaming for no input.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

The maid is finally being paid

Two out of three of my boys have jobs. I love it! I like doing their laundry now. I keep any money I find. When they start cleaning out their pockets, I'll let them do their own laundry again. Until then, Mom has spending money.

Alive and kicking, well sort of

Okay, I'm back. I don't want Harvey fussing at me anymore. Life is creeping back into my back. I'm not up to doing the can-can yet, but sitting and walking are options now. It really hoovered though. I had to cut my weekend trip short. I did make it to Orlando, but I didn't get to do Daytona. *pouts* We had tickets for Daytona USA and a hotel on the beach. Well, I have until March to use my ticket. So, all is not lost. I did get to see my oldest sister while in Orlando. We saw the best mystery dinner show. I'll blog more about it later. So, that was worth the trouble my back was giving me.

If this is what it feels to get old. I refuse. I'm going searching for that fountain of youth. I am far from being old, but this crap with my back was horrible. It was worse than labor pains. Well, ok, not. But, pretty darn close. Maybe it's a good thing I start working back inside Monday. I felt "like a girl" at work. I couldn't lift or swing anything. We had a really physical job to do this week and I had to just stand there looking helpless. Oh, I hate that. I'm usually right in the middle of things. I have no problem swinging a sledge hammer and running the air chisel for this particular job we were doing. If there is one thing I am not, is a helpless woman. I may not be real big and strong. I'm 5'5" and wear a respectable size 6. But, I have busted my butt out there for 8 years making sure that I pulled my weight and did not have to rely on the guys to do my job. I think I have done a good job at it. This was not the way I wanted to spend my last week at this position. But, things happen for a reason. Good or not.

Monday, October 10, 2005

I'm still alive

but, barely. Or at least that's how it feels. I'm still having problems with my back. Hopefully, I will feel like blogging in a day or two.

Friday, October 07, 2005

Phobias. Do you have...?

I found an interesting site that list phobias. I have not checked these out to see if they are actual phobias or not, just going by what was on the site. There were some I recognized and some that made sense. Then there were others you just have to wonder about. I don't have time to look them up. If you do and any of these are inaccurate, let me know. Or just make up your own and leave them in the comments.

It states that, "Broken down by age and gender, the National Institute of Mental Health study found phobias were the most common psychiatric illness among women in all age groups and the second most common illness among men older than 25. "

Do you have...

gatophobia, galeophobia, felinophobia, elurophobia, or ailurophobia? If so, you have a fear of cats. Why do they need five different words for it? I think 9 would be more appropriate. One for every life.

hippophobia?No, it is not a fear of hippos. VWBug does not have this fear. It is a fear of horses.

hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia or sesquipedalophobia: If you are afraid of long words you won't even want to try and say what your phobia is.

My kids claim they have didaskaleinophobia or schoolschlionophobia. I think it's just an excuse not to go to school. They are not afraid of school just work.

I really liked this one. Arachibutyrophobia The fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth. That's not a fear; that's reality.

I don't think we will find any male members of the Bad Example Family with these phobias: caligynephobia,gynophobia,venustraphobia. I think they would rather die than have a fear of beautiful women. And, that goes for dipsophobia, too. No fear of drinking in that bunch.

I wish more people had allodoxaphobia. It's a fear of opinions; hopefully, their own.

I don't have batonophobia. But, plants should have a fear of me.

I am beginning to get liticaphobia and decidophobia. A fear of lawsuits and making decisions.

And I'm really afraid I am getting phronemophobia rhytiphobia. The fear of thinking about getting wrinkles.

I'm afraid that's all I have for now.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Quiz Week?

Has this been an uneventful week or something? Everyone seems to have a quiz.

So, here they go. I am..

You are Betty Grable!
You're Betty Grable!

and I am...

scoot jpeg
You are Scooter.
You are a loyal, hardworking person, better known
as a doormat.

Going for stuff.
"Go For Broke!"

"15 seconds to showtime."

"300 New Ways to Get Your Uncle to Get You a
Better Job "

Coffee, clipboard, and Very Special Guest Stars.

What Muppet are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

and I am...

You are Lust!
Sexy!! But they say that theres such a thing as too
much of a good thing. You have sex on the
brain, and it doesn't stay just there for long.
Passionate, Fiery - and most certainly
confident. You're a fun loving, spontaneous
person who is always up for a laugh. People
however, have trouble keeping up with you.
You're sex crazy, and perhaps need to tone it
down a bit! learn a little self control!
But, Hey, Congratulations on being the Sexiest Red
Hot deadly sin out of all the 7...

?? Which Of The Seven Deadly Sins Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

Lust only applies when I am with my Sweetie and then I can't get enough. And it seems just wrong to have lust and a muppet on the same post. Especially Scooter. *I do like the duckling better than the chipmunk. All I think of when I hear chipmunk, is, "You go first." "No, you." "No, after you." Those annoying little cartoons. Politeness. Please. Put them on a skewer. As for the pinup girl. I'll take that. Although, my million dollar legs have been hit with inflation. But, I'm working on that.
*Had to delete Which Cute Animal are you. Something was messing up the borders on my site.

Hat tips to:
One Happy Dog Speaks
Boudicca's Voice
Army Wife Toddler Mom

Always a Bridesmaid....

The Maid of Honor
Deliberate Gentle Love Master (DGLMf)

Appreciated for your kindness and envied for all your experience, you are The Maid of Honor.

Charismatic, affectionate, and terrific in relationships, you are what many guys would call a "perfect catch"--and you probably have many admirers, each wishing to capture your long-term love. You're careful, extra careful, because the last thing you want is to hurt anyone. Especially some poor boy whose only crime was liking you.

Your exact opposite:

Random Brutal Sex Dreamer
We've deduced you're fully capable of a dirty fling, but you do feel that post-coital attachment after hooking up. So, conscientious person that you are, you do your best to reserve physical affection for those you you can respect yourself.

Your biggest negative is the byproduct of your careful nature: indecision. You're just as slow rejecting someone as you are accepting them.

ALWAYS AVOID: The False Messiah, The 5-Night Stand, The Vapor Trail, The Bachelor

CONSIDER: The Gentleman, someone just like you.

Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid .

This explains a lot. I shouldn't have tried to be a bride. One day......

Hat tip to Bad Example

Laughter isn't the best medicine

As I previous reported I found muscles I had forgotten I had. I was just sore the first day. So, it seemed like a good idea to try it again. What was I thinking? I wasn't. I was laughing and having fun doing the twist and the hula hoop. I'm not laughing now. My back is screaming at me. It is in spasms. This made work even more fun. Climbing up and down ladders and even walking were chores. So, my brain finally re-engaged and I decided I should take it easy for a few days. I canceled with my workout partner and stayed home last night. Then comes suppertime. I didn't feel like cooking. I didn't have my car. There is a little restaurant only a 1/2 mile from the house. My stomach took over the thinking and convinced my brain that this was a good idea. My brain didn't even offer the suggestion to send Chowhound up there for take out. No, "Let's walk up there for dinner" stupidly comes out of my mouth. Chowhound always ready for a meal, hence the name, jumped at the opportunity. About halfway there, my back spasms. I yelp, grab my back and hunch over. Chowhound is sympathetic the first time and only the first time. After this happens several times. He starts in like a lamaze coach. Breathe, Breathe. Hands gesturing and he is demonstrating the breathing technique. So here we are standing next to road looking like we belong in the labor ward. He got me laughing so hard which only aggravated the spasms and caused even more pain. Then, he looks at me cutely and says, "I guess laughter isn't the best medicine." I'd smack him but that would hurt too much. I'll have to remember to do that when I get better.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Too old to hula hoop

I have muscles that I had forgotten about. OMG. I am sore. A woman who is about to turn officially 40 something in 25 days (do the math and take notes) should not hula hoop. Don't ask what started it. I think it was my friend's, "Mouth of the South" (as she calls herself), enthusiasm. We went to work out at Curves yesterday. They were playing some great 50's music. Well, what does that makes you want to do? The TWIST, of course. So we are laughing and hamming it up and dancing our butts off (hopefully, we certainly are trying). After our workout, she grabs one of the two hula hoops hiding from us behind the bookshelf. They are typically only brought out on Fun Fridays. But, Monday just needed a kick. MOTS is determined to keep this hula hoop going. Bless her heart. She can't get it to stay up but one or two rounds. Surprisingly, I have this thing going. So while she is getting her hoop going for the 25th time. I still have mine twirling. I couldn't even do this as a kid. I was proud. Until this morning. Pride has turned into agony. I can barely move. So, being the brainiac that I am. She picks me up after work today and we go do it again.

Well, between the CURVES workout, the twist, and hula hooping maybe I just might lose the 5-8 lbs I want to before my birthday. Because, I am going to see my Sweetie then and I want to look hot for him. So, guess what we are doing to do again tomorrow?! Yep. Repeat Monday and Tuesday.

Oh and BTW, guess what's next. Belly dancing lessons.

Still teaching them NOT TO RUN IN THE HOUSE

From the time my boys learned to walk, I learned to yell, "DON'T RUN IN THE HOUSE". When are they going to learn? It's been 18 years. Taught the Improviser that lesson again the other day. Saturday night, I had to house to myself. Good time to scrub and wax the kitchen floor. And I didn't give it another thought until the next evening when Improviser was running from the dog. With the first step into the kitchen in those socks, he slid all the way across the room. WHAM! He busted his butt, big time. And I the proud Mom, got to say, "SEE, THAT'S WHY YOU DON'T RUN IN THE HOUSE!" Sure made waxing the floor worth it.

Monday, October 03, 2005

Karnival of Kidz is Up

It's Karnival time. The kidz are being taught all kinds of wonderful things by their 'Uncle' Harvey. He is such a GREAT EXAMPLE. Go join the fun and you might just learn a thing or two.

Also, sad note. Karnival of Kidz needs a moderator. Please read Harvey's endnote. We don't want this to be the last one. It is so much fun to see what antics other people's children have done. It makes you say, "Oh Good! It wasn't my child this time."

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Child rearing in public

I got tickled at a story my mom told me today. She was in WalMart waiting on a prescription. There were about five or six other older ladies, probably 60's or 70's, also waiting. And there was one young, agitated mother. And one red faced screaming 3 year old. This kid was pitching a fit because she couldn't have something. My mom and a couple of the other ladies naturally starting talking about how they raised their kids. They all agreed this child needed a good butt whipping. Then, one of the ladies sitting a few seats down from this discussion group, walked over to the mother. She leaned forward and very politely said, "Nobody here would have the slightest problem with you spanking your child." LMAO. I applaud this woman. In this day and age people are terrified to discipline their children in public or otherwise. You cannot reason with a 3 year old. I agree it should be a last resort. But, sometimes it is the only solution. I know when I was a kid, we dreaded public restrooms. Not because of sanitary reason. But, because that's where our mom took us and beat our butts if we acted up. Of course, she also left us waiting in the car most of time.....And we didn't wear seat belts..... or wear helmets when riding our bikes...... Hey, wait a minute..... Is it too late to report her now?

Saturday, October 01, 2005

A little bit of everything

Wow, can't believe how everything just seems to pile up and demand attention. The house is screaming to be cleaned. (ArmyWifeToddlerMom warned me about that). Can't find that damn maid anywhere. I ought to fire her. Wish I could, please, please. Still working on the lawn mower. I think I saw a lion and a giraffe roaming around out there. Having to car share with Improviser. He finally got a job. Great. Except it's 3-11 and I currently work 7 -3:30. The bumper fell off his car. It's a real POS, but it was free. But, it is illegal to drive without a bumper, so it's on the list to be fixed. Had to replace the battery in mine yesterday. My blog has been neglected. So has my school work. Good thing it's online and do at your own pace. Of course, I think they expect something once in a while. Been working OT. One day off in the last 3 weeks. Now this month is going to be really hectic. I have 3 out of town trips and start my new job. Whew. I'm tired just thinking of all this. So, today, after work, I did my grocery shopping. Stocked up on cleaning supplies. Stopped by our version of Starbucks. Double expresso to go. My house is now half-cleaned. Just wanted to get something out to you few dedicated readers. Need to work on that, too. Now, just a few notes and tidbits:

First, VWBug left her house open. I am having a decorating party over there. So, please help decorate her new house. Tater and Tot keep her busy, so I know she will appreciate our keen decorating taste.

Bad Example "Uncle" Harvey is hosting the Karnival of Kids this week. You have until midnight to get your stories and pictures in.

Here's mine in the Bad Example Family Tradition.

Improviser and Daredevil start shaving at an early age. I don't even want to know if Daredevil still puts shaving cream there.

I know I should probably make separate posts for all of this. But, with this caffeine buzz going, I don't care and I'm ready to get back to cleaning my house. I have to be at work at 7 am tomorrow. I might be done by then.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

But the dead deer with the IV made it weird

Did your paper have this story?

Cops in North Carolina thought it was odd enough a Jacksonville man was driving
an ambulance reported stolen hours earlier.
Odder still was that he was wearing a makeshift doctor's uniform consisting of a stethoscope, a pager-like gadget and latex gloves stuffed in his back pocket.
But then things started getting really strange when they saw a dead deer, fully stretched out and wedged in the back. Some said there was an intravenous line attached to the animal and there was evidence a defibrillator had been used.

Mental patient or someone from PETA? Oh, I forgot. There isn't a difference. Maybe he was the guy who responded to the 911 call in this audio clip I heard years ago. Supposedly, this guy calls 911 to report he had hit a deer and then put it in his car thinking it was dead. Then the deer revives and bites him on the neck. Then a dog comes along and tries to get the deer. It's funny. Don't know if it is true and don't really care. It is just hilarious to listen too.

You don't really need to make things up. People do the strangest things.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Carnival of Recipes entry?

Chowhound has a new sandwich recipe.

6 slices bread
globs and globs of peanut butter
1/2 jar of marshmallow creme

*makes 3 sandwiches

He made this for BREAKFAST this morning. Yuck. I DID NOT buy the marshmallow creme. Either he or Daredevil did. I didn't even know it was in the house until I walked in the kitchen this morning and caught him making it.

I sure am glad he is into running. Otherwise, this child would weigh 600 lbs.

I accepted the job!

I stood on my soapbox and gave justification for the salary I felt I should be paid. And, it was accepted! Yeah, me! I was also reassured that there would be OT available in my new position. I feel confident in my decision now. My company is booting out the contractors and we are taking over all the contracts and dispatching of the trucks and railcars. We are talking about shipping over 600,000 tons of product per year. I knew the contractors would be training us some. What I didn't know was that the other lady and I get to set up the new system. She called me today and informed me that we have to order all our office equipment before we can even start our job. I'm talking from desks to chairs to pencils, maps, computers everything. I guess they have more confidence in me than I realized if they trust me to take this position. I'm excited now. We will have to go to Charlotte for training in a few weeks. I'm looking forward to that.

Okay, I can sigh now, relax, wring out my sponge of self-absorption and get back to humorous blogging.

Monday, September 26, 2005

Second guessing myself

I'm driving myself nuts trying to decide whether or not to accept the new position at work. I have to let them know tomorrow. I was all excited at first and had no doubts, but as time passed I began to second guess myself (nasty, terrible habit) and wonder if I am making a wise decision. Money wise, it is more per hour. Of course, it was even more yesterday, but then today, they announced the annual pay increases. So now it is 3/4 of what it was, go figure. I thought about negotiating, but I suck at it.(Put this in my list of things to work on.) There is no guarantee of OT. I depend on OT for my playing money. And, I like to travel and play. I keep weighing the pros and cons and just end up driving myself nuts. It is a faith issue vs money issue. Do I have faith that this is what I am supposed to do? Take chances, risks. You don't get any where with out taking a risk. Of course, by staying I will be taking a risk too. I think this is best summed up by a quote from Ashleigh Brilliant's Pot Shots, "I can do anything I decide to do~ The only thing I can't do is make decisions." I don't think I am going to sleep worth a damn tonight.

Eggby Conclusion

Today concluded Daredevil's parent experience. This is the final summery of his journal:

This is the part where I have summarize the experiences I had caring for the egg/child. I’m supposed say that taking care of this child made me feel like a parent and the feelings that come with being a parent, but I’m not. The only thing that this project showed me is that if I had a child, he/she would know my parents more he/she would know me. My parents babysat my egg everyday because of band, work, or both. But I will say that I was worried the first day because I didn’t want to lose any points. That was change when I got home after work when I found out that Dad's girlfriend let the cats play with my egg and broke and the points were taken off my final grade. After you said for us to go home and boil another egg or it will stink I did just that. And after that I stopped caring because I knew if it did break again you wouldn’t take off any more points and I could just boil another egg. In my opinion, this project was pretty point less if you’re trying to learn the difficulties of being a teen parent.

I think he learned more than he realized. He makes that clear by his statment that his child would know his grandparents more than his father. I also realized that, he never asked me to babysit. I'm not sure if that was a good thing or not. I was surprised that he took the time to type the journal. He said, he thinks it is because of the influence of his new girlfriend. I like her already and I haven't even met her.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

I'm Hobbes

Which Calvin and Hobbes character are you?

You're HOBBES! My personal favorite. You like to
eat, sleep, and live a good life. Me too.

Which CALVIN & HOBBES character YOU?

How well do you know the Alphabet

Want to learn more about the alphabet? Well, even if you don't, you should go check this out. This is an interesting Quiz. I didn't do very well, but I also didn't try very hard. Brain Strain. I try to avoid it on the weekends. What surprised me is that 3 correct answers is average. At least I am still average with luck. How did you score?

Friday, September 23, 2005

Eggscellant Parenting

Daredevil is a father, sort of. He has a beautiful baby girl EGG. Yes, egg. Chicken egg. Which came first the teenager or the egg? And we know it is a girl because her chromosomes are written on her bottom. Appropriate place, I guess. Let me eggsplain. It seems that in an attempt to teach responsibility, he has to take care of a hard boiled egg/child for a week and keep a journal about how it interferes with his life.

Day 1: He had 20 points deducted. The cats decided to play with her and she got cracked (His dad's girlfriend was babysitting the egg/child while he was at work). I told him he should have drawn stitches on her and and wrote down that accidents happen but he took her to the eggmergency room.

So, the teacher told him and the other 10 -15 students whose eggs cracked, they should boil a new child since that one would soon start stinking. Guess the school only provides one child per student. Good thing they're cheaper by the dozen.

What does he do with his injured child? First, he tortures her with a pin and pokes holes in her. Guess she needed her immunizations and tetanus shot. Then, he and some of the boys played with her. Aw, that should make her feel better. Right? They used the child for a hackey sack. What goes through these teenage brains? Kick. Splat. LOL. Kick. Splat. Splat. OMG. LOL.

I don't think this is eggactly what the teacher had in mind. For some reason, I don't think he is taking this eggsignment seriously. He doesn't even know where he left his new daughter. He said, "she might be at my Dads....or in my locker....or I could have left her at school on the picnic table." Sure hope this doesn't reflect his future parenting skills. I'm not eggspecting a good grade on this eggsignment.

So, what how does an egg/child interfere with your life:

Day 1: Resist the urge to eat child. But, I've heard some mothers eat their young. Throw away Cookbook: 101 ways to prepare eggs.

Day 2: Put off grocery shopping. Can't let her see relatives in morgue.

Day 3: Read bedtime story. Green eggs and ham. Nope...throw book on floor. (Don't leave it there you will get a time out. Just ask VWBug of One Happy Dog Speaks.)

Day 4: Take her to chicken house to find natural mother. Eggads. Stinks. EWWWWW. Leave her to do her own search.

Day 5: Take 11 siblings out of refrigerator. Omelet anyone?!

Thursday, September 22, 2005

For All Moms

This is for anyone that stays at home all day with small children. And for the people who think they just do nothing all day. Full time stay at home moms work their butts off. This also includes the wonderful people who watch our children for those of us who work. It is a hard job. My hat is off to you.

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door. He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that something serious had happened.
He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls. As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?" She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world did I do today?" "Yes," was his incredulous reply. She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Daredevil is 18 today

Happy Birthday to my Daredevil.

I knew from the first ultrasound that this child was going to be a handful. He had one hand behind his head, the other holding, uh....well you get the picture. Yes, evidently boys are aware of IT from the beginning. Then, I got the picture they take in the hospital.

Notice his right hand. Looks like he is shooting a bird. He loves this picture and points that out to everyone.

He was always testing limits and still does. He held a crayon inches from the wall and dared me, "I have a crayon, I'm going to write on the wall." He would be all dressed up and put the tip of his shoe in a puddle and look me in the eye. Daring me. No, he didn't write on the wall, that time. I snatched it from him and beat his butt. Probably for the millionth time. But, yes he turned and ran straight through the puddle. And got his butt beat for that too. It never did any good. He has always had a smile that would melt your heart while you were ready to strangle him. He still has that charm.

He is fearless. I have spent more time in the emergency room with him than both the other boys combined. He has broken his collarbone 6 or 7 times. I lost count. He has had stitches and casts. I took him to the emergency room about a half a dozen times in one year. I just knew they were going to call HRS. One of the times was only 2 weeks apart. An injury never slowed him down. I think it just encouraged him.

He is only 16 months younger than Improviser. But, he learned early on how to handle that difference.

Here he is trying to get a cupcake from Improviser.

He has developed into a wonderful young man and I am very proud of him.


Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Hanging up my hardhat

After 8 years of operating a front end loader (Cat 980) and doing maintenance, I'm turning over my keys, hanging up my hardhat and going back in the office. I am taking a position, within the same company, as a shipping coordinator. I think it will be a great opportunity and I am capable of doing it. But, I am scared to death. I have enjoyed operating the equipment, working on it, and getting dirty and grimy. I love being outdoors. I don't even mind the weather. I have learned a great deal in these last eight years. So many things that I was "taught" in school became clear once I had the hands on experience. But, life is about change and risk. And, this will give me an opportunity to learn another aspect of the business. I love learning so I am looking forward to it. It's just change is always scary.

New York Red Neck Wedding Brawl

Here's a wedding to remember. All you have to do is read the arrest report. And, there won't be any pictures except mug shots. It seems that two wedding parties got into a brawl at the Crown Plaza Hotel in White Plains, NY, when a person from one wedding party thought the bestman of the other party was a photographer who absconded from their wedding. Eleven people were arrested. All from Mr. Fortunato's wedding party. They weren't very fortunate, were they. The police spokesman said, "We believe the event may have been alcohol-driven." You think. I would hate to think they would have acted like this sober.

Well, Harvey. You wanted to know
how to liven up a wedding. I don't know if their ceremony was as exciting, but the reception certainly was a knock down and drag out. I wonder what the anniversaries will be like, if there are any.

Monday, September 19, 2005

T' Scallywag's Shoes

Arrrrrrrrr! Had to revise me post for today. Missed the announcement of Talk like a Pirate Day. But, this is a good day t' make a scallywag walk t' plank. T' scallywag be Chowhound. He insists o' wearin' these shoes. No, your eaye do not deceive you. Aye, that be duct tape. He has new sandals. He won't wear them. He says these make him popular. Translate, "These get me attention."

I learned early on to let them be individuals. But, when we go out in public. I will not walk with him. If he comes near me, I ask real loud, "WHERE IS YOUR MOTHER?". Of course, that just makes him hug me in public, YUCK (See previous post on Teenagers!) Well, I figure if this is the most defiant he gets, I got off easy. I think he does it just to embarrass me. Although, I may have found a way to get back at him. He looked mortified when I started taking pictures and he found out I was posting them. I have a sign that says, "I smile because you are my son, I laugh because there's nothing you can do about it." Mom always comes out the winner of the embarrassment contest. Why? Because, I'm the mom. Besides, I have naked baby pictures I can post. Shiver me Timbers, I still think de scallywag should walk t' plank.

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Obituary for Mr. Sense

Today, we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Mr. Common Sense.

Mr. Sense had been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm and that life isn't always fair.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not kids, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his condition.

Mr. Sense declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student, but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten commandments became contraband, churches became businesses and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after a woman, who failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, spilled it in her lap and was awarded a huge settlement.

Common sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by two stepbrothers, My Rights and Ima Whiner. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

(Author Unknown)