Friday, April 27, 2007

Expert medical advice

I hate going to the doctor. Absolutely frickin hate it. But, I found a soft spoken yet frank doctor. He listened to my list of issues and confessed that I sounded exactly like his sister. She battles the same roaming pains. He prescribed a low dosage of anti-depressants. He cut me off before I could finish exclaiming that I am not depressed. Believe me, I have been in the clutches of depression. It's a maddening state. I fought like hell to get out of it and I know that now I'm not even on the same planet as depression. But, before I could get into my objections. He said, "I'm telling you like I told my sister. Just take the damn pill." Then he went into the technicalities and it makes sense.

He sent me to the vampire people for every kind of test possible. They took a half-dozen tubes of blood.

I'll go back in a few weeks to see what he finds but in the meantime I guess I'll just take the damn pill.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Giving Heros a Bad Name

It's amazing that obviously intelligent people can be so stupid. This guy is a doctor. (Play the video link at that site too. It's humorous.)


MELBOURNE, FL -- It's a dark day for Captain America.The super hero was busted after stuffing a burrito in his waistband Monday. According to police a man dressed as the super hero attacked a woman inside a Melbourne, Florida bar. She says he came into the bar brandishing a burrito, made rude suggestions and grabbed her between her thighs.

They had to do a line-up to identify him. He was not the only guy dressed as Captain America. This was an event sponsored by a pharmaceutical company. What the hell were they thinking?

Is this how the big money companies are enticing the doctors to turn us all into prescription junkies? Let's have parties and make all these drugs seem fun! Woo Hoo!!! Let me put my faith and life in these people's hands. Comforting? Yeah, right.

Yes, I'm cynical today. I hate doctors. I hate doctor appointments. I've taken off work today to go subject myself to another humiliating ritual. It's Mammogram day. Or rather the yearly smashing of the puppies so we can wonder later on why they're going flat and sagging. Am I the only one that sees the connection here? Prior to that fun filled event, I get to meet yet another new doctor. I've been doctor hopping for the last 10 years. (I know that sounds pretty sleazy) I have yet to find one I feel comfortable with and one I think listens to me.

This doctor I'm seeing today has been recommended by several people at work. I was impressed with his staff when I scheduled the appointment. I loved the honesty. I have a 10:30 appointment. She said he always runs late and that I would probably get in to see him about 11:15 but that he was a very good doctor. I appreciate the warning. I can prepare and bring a book or something to entertain myself.

I'm still battling this head to toe I hurt all over and feel like crap stuff. My sister described it perfectly. It's like I'm a human pin ball machine and this sharp intense pain is bing-binging throughout me all day long. I know that the pain could be a million times worse but it's just the constant I sensations and the unknowing when and where an ice pick is going to be stuck in me. The pains in my head and eyes scare me the worse. I've had them hit while I was driving and it took everything I could do to pull off the road without wrecking. I'm usually fine after about 30 seconds or so. The don't last long but they are intense. Now, I am always on edge. Just waiting.

I'll report back later. It's time to get my butt in gear.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

The village's turn

Dear Neighbor:

Do you know what your children were doing tonight? No? Gee, could it be because they were locked out of the house so as not to wake up Daddy?

I truly understand about night shift and needing to sleep but in this day and time with all the perverts around is it truly wise to make your five year old daughter and seven year old son stay outside unsupervised? Don't you watch the news or read the paper? A six year old boy was just abducted, molested and murdered by a neighbor. It made national headlines. This was in a town within 50 miles of here. Have you checked the Internet? There are five sex offenders living within one mile of your house. Fortunately, for you I am not one of them.

Also, fortunately I have patience with children as I have raised three boys.

Yes, I can tell you told your children to stay in the yard but guess what---they didn't. Are you shocked?

Not as shocked as you're going to be when they come home fifteen minutes before bedtime all wired off of the two cokes and two sprites each I let them have. I promise you I was a thoughtful and considerate neighbor. I made them go ask if it was okay first. Yes, your son walked toward your house just out of my sight and then came back proclaiming that you said yes. Alrighty then, I did my part. So help yourself to the sodas kids. They've been sitting in my garage for a month. My boys don't drink them very often.

I had fun gardening with your kids. They both can handle a hoe, a rake and a shovel. I do want you to know that I washed your daughter's hand thoroughly after I caught her playing in the weed and feed I was spreading in my yard. Yes, if they are going to come in my yard and ask to help, you betcha, I ain't gonna say no. I did, however, draw the line at swinging the axe. I think that is a lesson for family to teach. Blood makes me woozy. I'm not sure what they did with all your tools. All I know is they took them back toward your yard. Oh, and by the way, your hoe is bigger than mine. Your son made sure to point that out.

Good job on making your daughter clean her room. Did the toys really go in the trash or did "Daddy" just put them out of sight somewhere? You missed some Dad and she thinks that is funny. She still has her Bratzs dolls so no big loss on the other toys. Just thought I'd let you know.

Your son may have a future as a stunt man. He is very skilled on his bike. The way he jumps off and pulls it back before he runs out into the street in front of a car is awesome. You should have seen it. Really. Gifted.

He can also shimmy up the pole to my basketball goal. He's quick too. It only took him mere seconds after I told him to stay off to do it again. I wouldn't have minded so much except that little rope anchoring it in the ground has been baking in the sun for four years and the firewood added as extra weight is dried out. The firewood is there because the base doesn't hold water. This goal will fall. All you have to do is look at the egg shaped hoop and the dents in the concrete for proof. Although, if it had fallen today it most likely wouldn't have hit the ground just my son's car. No big deal. He has just worked his *ss off to make the payments and insurance.

Can I borrow your son the next time I have a garage sale? He's really quick about pulling crap out of my garage. I think I had him put the racket, the tennis ball, the basketball, the Frisbee, the kickball, the extra sodas, and the axe back.

Also, they think you both yell too much and the babysitter is mean. She yells at your five year old daughter because she won't close her eyes and take a nap. She tried to explain to the babysitter that you told her it was okay to keep her eyes open as long as she laid there quietly but the babysitter ain't buying it.

Again, thank you for letting me entertain your children for an hour tonight. I forgot how tiring young children can be. I hope you have a great evening and the caffeine and sugar don't keep the children up too long.

I'm going to go hug my teenagers now and hand them each a box of condoms.

Friday, April 06, 2007

How to train a Marine

Daredevil thought this was going to be a vacation. Ha! His initiation into diving taught him that it is not a sport for weaklings. Those tanks and all that gear get heavy.

We forgot the ladder to the boat so much thrashing was done to get back in. I have the bruises to prove it. I think I got more of a work out than he did on that aspect.

He did get a good one on Chowhound though. My Sweetie, his son, and Chowhound were diving while Daredevil and I stayed around the boat. Daredevil decided to snorkel. Since the waters are so clear he was able to stay right above the three of them the entire time. At one point, he dove down and grabbed Chowhound and then shot back to the surface. Chowhound was freaking out looking around trying to figure out what was getting him. He didn't think to look up. I am so glad it wasn't me. I would have stunk up the ocean.

That was day one.

Today was too windy to dive. It was just a touch to rough to take our little boat out. That and with three of us being beginner divers it just wasn't advisable so we played on the four-wheeler. Actually, we did hang out around the boat today. It was the only shade around. So, were sitting around like a bunch of rednecks on buckets and coolers under the boat. Yeah, quite a site.

All the boys took turns. But Daredevil got the workout. He was having a blast blazing up and down all the dirt roads. That is until it quit on him. He had been gone for an unusually long time without us hearing him so my Sweetie, his son, and Chowhound hopped in the truck and went searching. I stayed behind in case he returned. I walked up the road in the opposite direction the search party when and spotted Daredevil. He was at the top of a hill waving his arms. He was pushing the four-wheeler (except for down hill when he would jump on and ride). He pushed it quite a ways. Poor kid was tired.

I think he'll make a good Marine. He's tough.

Lionfish Invasion

The Lionfish is invading the Atlantic Ocean. This fish is native to the Red Sea. I saw one yesterday for the first time in the shallow, clear waters of the Bahamas. It is beautiful. But, like so many beautiful things it can be deadly. They are very poisonous. We kept our distance although my Sweetie kept threatening to push me into the thing. Men can be such brats.

A little late but...

...we made it. It wouldn't be a trip to Exuma without some sort of complication. It's tradition. I have been delayed in Miami (on more than one occasion) both leaving the country and returning home. I have been delayed in Exuma. Now, I have finally, officially been delayed on every leg of the trip from Jacksonville to Miami to Exuma, Bahamas. We missed our flight Wednesday morning. By three minutes. Three minutes late and they wouldn't check our luggage in. If we only had carry on we would have made it without any problem.

But, because Daredevil has a lead foot, we had to spend our extra time sitting on the side of the road with the dancing blue lights behind us. The cop was nice and understanding.

He asked Daredevil at what point did he realize that it was a police car he had passed (it was unmarked).

It was right as we were doing 70 to pass him and Chowhound asked Daredevil "Is that a cop? He has a spotlight on his car."

"No, I think it was an old police car that was probably sold at auction."

Then they spent the next few miles discussing it. They were coming to the conclusion that it was a retired car that the spotlight had been left on when the blue lights settled the debate.

He did reduce the ticket by putting we were only doing 69 in a 60 instead of the 76 we were actually doing. However, he only laughed when I asked for an escort to the airport since we were really, really running late by that point. So, we missed out flight. Instead of getting into my Sweetie's arms at 2:30 pm, I had to wait until 9 pm.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Officially...

ON VACATION!!!!

Tomorrow

9:45am flight to Miami
1:00pm flight to Exuma, Bahamas
2:30pm I'll be in the arms of my Sweetie

Yeah, tomorrow is going to be a good day!

Monday, April 02, 2007