Improvising for 24 years

Happy Birthday to my Improviser. Wow, I can hardly believe you are 24. It just seems like yesterday that you were running me ragged and making my hair turn gray. You were always the inquisitive one. You took everything apart to see how it was made. You even showed me how to put it back together. You told me I was "doing it a different way". I had to hide the tools from you. A four year old with a screwdriver is a dangerous thing. But, I didn't want to discourage you either. You were my cook. You loved cooking and still do. There were several occasions when you "cooked" by yourself. Oh, the stories if I had a blog and camera back then. There was the time I woke up from your nap to find you "cooking" in the living room. I don't think I ever got the chocolate syrup stains out of the carpet. Or the time I woke up because I rolled on a cold package of ham in my bed. It was 3 or 4 am and again you were "cooking". I found you sitting in the kitchen by the light of the refrigerator. There was a bowl between your stretched out legs and a dozen and a half eggs shells beside you. I forget what all ingredients you used but you were making a cake you told me. You never slept much as a child. I would find you up watching TV at 4 am. You definitely kept me on my toes. There was nothing you couldn't or wouldn't do for yourself. You were constantly surprising me.

I am in awe of your intelligence and ingenuity. There was the time you rigged up a contraption so you didn't have to get out of bed to turn off the lights. You took off the training wheels on your bike and just started riding. You didn't need any assistance. I've watched you through the years and I hope you realize how amazing I think you are.

I love you and I am so proud of the young man you have become. I miss seeing you daily and watching you grow. Happy Birthday.

My Robotics class started last night. I am going to love this class. It is all hands on. I have the same teacher for the majority of my classes. Normally, he just reads the book or a powerpoint presentation to us and it is very boring. But, not tonight. He handed out the syllabus told us to Read Chapter One and then gave us handouts on the Robot we are going to be programing. The Robot isn't the latest and greatest but it will suffice for general purposes.

After class was dismissed and the spoiled generation left, three of us older folks ganged up on the teacher and begged him to let us write a quick program. The instigator of this expedition is a guy that was in one of my previous classes. I love being around him. He has such enthusiasm and it just spreads to everyone in his vicinity. My good fortune is he is already a computer programmer. I will have a great advantage having him as my lab partner. Always, he is very encouraging. I guess that comes from being a father of six. The man has patience. Anyway, he I and one other older guy set up the Robotic arm, created a position table and then wrote the code to operate it. We just did a three position move but it was exciting. We had a near miss on the first go around. Our position offset was too low and we barely missed taking out the conveyor belt. We all gasped and laughed. We edited the program and all went well the second go around.

I will look forward to Thursdays for the next 11 weeks.

Essay Question

I'm filling out scholarship forms and as part of the process I have to submit an essay. It has to include the following:

• Please indicate why you feel a college education is important.
• Describe your career and educational goals related to your program of study and how you plan to reach them. Also include what, if anything is impeding those goals (i.e. financial burden).
• Please describe why you are deserving of a scholarship and how it is important to attaining your goals.
• List any previous activities related to your major (i.e. related volunteer work, freelance work, or participation in related student organizations). Please also describe your work experience.
  

First off, I hate essays. I hate trying to write what I think people want to hear and that is what they are asking. Plus, it is pressure. I stress doing things like this. The good side is that I am not sitting in a classroom with a clock ticking away. I can't do that. I freak. I panic. I hit meltdown mode.

I read a book recently that suggested if you have difficulty writing start by writing down all your thoughts. All excuses, fears, everything. Just write what comes to mind. Also, don't edit as your writing. Save that for later. I know those suggestions work because my best writings come when I do exactly that. The difficult part is getting in that zone. Everything has to be perfect. Especially my head. That's no easy task.

I started this essay several days ago. I deleted numerous beginnings. I just couldn't get into it. So, I will try to take each part first and then later pull it together into some type of comprehensible rambling. I don't anticipate getting any scholarship but it doesn't hurt to try. The reason I don't feel I will get one is that most of the scholarships are based on ethnics believe it or not. I thought that was discrimination. But, it you are a black female with children, chaching, you are cashing in. I saw ones for Asians, women, Hispanics, and gays too. I did not see a single scholarship for a Caucasian male. They are screwed. Anyways, I'm rambling and avoiding the task at hand.

This is a work in progress. Please feel free to give suggestions for the essay. I appreciate any and all help.

1. Please indicate why you feel a college education is important. (Because I don't want to be a poor, ignorant redneck and do manual labor for the rest of my life. And if you don't have a degree that is what is going to happen. No one promotes someone who isn't educated. That is my truthful answer. But I don't think that is what a review committee is looking for so I'll try to come up with a politically correct beauty contestant answer. Damn, I hate writing what people want to hear when it's just a bullshit answer. I'm a tell it like it is kind of person.)

Knowledge is the only thing in this world that you can acquire and no one can take from you. It is a key that opens doors that otherwise would be forever locked. A college degree indicates to others your dedication to education. It shows that you are not afraid of goals and challenges. It is the end result of hard work and focus.

2. Describe your career and educational goals related to your program of study and how you plan to reach them. Also include what, if anything is impeding those goals (i.e. financial burden).

***I'll pick up here later.

All dressed up

Comings and Goings

Lately my house has had a revolving door. First, my step son was here for a week. He lives in South Florida and was up here for spring break. Bless his heart, he spent most of his time studying for the ACT. He will be graduating from high school and June and then heading straight to Orlando to attend UCF.

Daredevil came home the day Dusty left. In fact, we just swapped kids out at the airport. His visit was bittersweet. He will be leaving for Afghanistan in a few days. There will be a knot in the pit of my stomach for the next seven months. It was a great visit. I love when he sits next to me and puts his head on my shoulder. I live for those moments and will cherish them forever.

He left on a Sunday and then Chowhound arrived the next Wednesday. He is here for a couple more weeks. His next assignment is in Japan.

My children are getting scattered around the world. In a few weeks, Improviser will be the only one still on US soil. He is on a deployment status and can't come home on leave. He may be deployed by the end of the year.

I am proud of my boys but I miss them terribly.

Just Do it

I've been skimming through this book called, "Do it! Let's Get Off Our Buts". I say skimming because I just open it at random and read a section. I do my reading in the bathroom so sometimes a paragraph is all I get to read and other times I manage several pages. You know the drill. I don't have to spell it out.

Anyways, this book has been very interesting. One of the things it says to do is quit rationalizing. But, I'm good at it. I can make a case for everything I do. I can even convince myself it's true. It also says we must move out of our comfort zone. But, But, But...wait. I spent my whole life making my comfort zone perfect. There's a lazy boy and a big screen tv, plenty to eat and drink and no stress. I like it. Yes, that is me rationalizing. The truth is I have come out of my comfort zone quite a bit in my life. In fact, recently, I was way out of it. The engineering drawing class I was taking took me so far out that my inner child took over and poof, it was melt down time. My poor husband saw me in my rarest form. I was slamming my books closed declaring I was out of my mind to think I could do something like this. I got to the point of tears everytime I got near the class room. I couldn't even ask the teacher for help. I didn't think he would understand why a middle aged woman was crying over homework assignment. Geez. It was a rough couple of weeks. I managed to suck it up enough to call a wonderful friend who talked me through it like I was one of her kids. It was the hand I needed to get over the wall. Once, I hurdled over that obstacle, it clicked. My comfort and confidence came back. I had fun doing the final projects and I am proud of my work.

The comfort zone knows us intimately and hits us at our weakest point. It wouldn't dream of using an excuse we could see through. It uses the reasons we find reasonable, the rationales we find rational (the rational lies), the realizations we find most real (real lies). It takes our greatest aspirations and turns them into excuses for not bothering to aspire.

Damn comfort zone. I hate being uncomfortable but I hate being stagnate even worse. The road less traveled always brings adventure.

I once complained to my father that I didn't seem to be able to do things the same way other people did. Dad's advice? "Margo don't be a sheep. People hate sheep. They eat sheep. (Margo Kaufman)

I'll remember that quote the next time I hear, "You're doing it backwards!" That is the phrase I hear most often. I hear it at work all the time. My grandmother even said those same words when she was attempting to teach me to knit. My engineering drawing teacher shook his head as he uttered those words. He said, "Technically, it's correct but it's a mirror image. I don't know how you did it but it's completely backwards."

I'm convinced I'm right and the rest of the population are just brainwashed.

I hate homework time

She's one of those kids that you hate to try to teach. Emotions take over and the meltdown begins. She can't think. She can't "see" what your trying to get at. The tears well up behind her eyes. Jaws are taunt. Teeth grinding. The book goes hurling across the room. The pencil gouges deep holes in the paper as she transfers frustration. Walls are up trying to contain the rage. Nothing can penetrate. No reasoning. No comforting. Nothing.

Yeah. She is me.

It doesn't make sense

I'm still trying to wrap my head around a senseless violent act that occurred in my little town. Someone I know was murdered. It was in the middle of the day and some punk 17 year old kid stabbed her to death in her own front yard. She lives right across the street from the Middle/High school my boys attended. They are friends with her daughter. This young girl is now trying to understand why. We are all trying to understand why. Marilyn didn't have much. Nothing that was worth stealing and definitely not worth murdering someone over. The details are still sketchy. One of the coaches from the high school witnessed her struggling with a young kid. The coach alerted the school resource officer and they went to help Marilyn. The kid took off running. It took three blocks but the officer caught him. Life Flight landed at the high school, which was immediately put on lock down. Marilyn died on the way to the hospital. The speculation is that the kid was trying to steal her car. I don't know if he was a student or if he is telling the truth to the cops. He has been arrested. He received cuts to his hand during the incident. I hope it gets infected and he has to suffer.

This is just so stupid. I am sick and tired of all the violence in this world. Why can't people just get along and help one another? What ever happened to following the Golden Rule? Why is this 23 year old girl having to help make funeral arrangements for her mother? Children are supposed to bury their parents but not at this young age.

Donate Life

Bou did a PSA recently about organ donation. My MIL brought home a info card on organ donation from the DMV. There is an online registry now. You can register and have your wishes printed out with your registry number and even e-mail your loved ones with your wishes and information. The site iswww.donatelifeflorida.org. Under their terms and conditions it states,

"This registration will serve as a document of gift as outlined in the Florida Uniform Anatomical Gift Act. A document of gift, not revoked by the donor before death, is irreversible and does not require the consent of any other person."

This is a great way to make your wishes known.

The dog speaks better Spanish than I do

I'm learning a language through the Rosetta Stone Program. The program is really good. It is interactive and teaches pronunciation, recognition, spelling, and grammar. I am working on learning Latin American Spanish. I'm in Lesson 2 so I'm not really expecting perfection at this point. But, come on. The program needs to give me a break on my accent. Apparently, a southern accent doesn't work well with the pronunciation. It displays a picture and the words describing it and then it says the words. I then have to repeat it and it will "ding" and go green if I get it right. I don't see that very often. More often than not, I get the "buzz" and the gray microphone sign. I have to repeat it until I get it right. It's not going so good. I'm comprehending the language and am able to listen to what it says and pick the correct picture from a choice of four. That part is going good. But as for speaking it, if someone who was native to the language heard me, I'm sure they would be rolling on the floor. Hell, for that matter, everyone who heard me regardless of their language would be rolling. I suck. I was trying to do this over the holidays when the boys were home. Chowhound and I were in the living room and of course the TV was on and the dogs were hanging out. It was not an idea environment to be using a microphone built into the laptop. All of the background noises were being picked up. At one point, I was repeating and repeating the words to no avail. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Then all of a sudden the dog started barking and "ding" he got it right. Damn it I didn't know my dog knew Spanish and can speak it better than me. He's giving me speech lessons now.

Good Bye 2009

Hello 2010.

Here is what I want from the coming year:

1. A local job for my husband that pays at least what his previous job paid.

2. A new house with a wrap around porch, an island in the kitchen, a big tub and sinks for two in the masterbath. There should be at least two acres fenced in with a small barn.

3. the energy and clarity of mind to accomplish my goals at work.

4. All my children should remain happy and healthy. Should any of them have to go to war areas, they should return safe and sound.

That's all I have for this moment. I'll add more later. Thank you for all the blessings I have in my life.

I did it!

I can down put a check mark next to "Complete a Half Marathon". I completed it in just a little over 3 hours. I wasn't out to set any records. I just wanted to do it.

Kudos to the folks who organized, set up and operated the Marine Corps Half Marathon here in Jacksonville, FL. I'm not sure how many participants there were but obviously more than they anticipated because they ran out of medals for those of us who completed the 13.1 miles. That's okay. I don't need a medal to remind me of what I just accomplished. I have my screaming muscles to do that. Actually, I'm not as sore as I thought I would be. While I did train, I didn't stick to the schedule. So, any pain that I'm in is my own damn fault.

It wasn't as cool as the weather people predicted but it was a nice morning. It started to get a little warm towards the end but that just inspired me to get my butt in gear and hit the finish line.

I started out next to three platoons, two Marines and one Army. I loved the cadences and was keeping pace with the Army group. The Marines were way to fast for me. I was disappointed when my singing soldiers veered off at the 5K split. Wimps. None of those three groups were going the distance. I held my head a little higher and headed towards the first bridge. We had two bridges to conquer, the Main Street Bridge and the Acosta Bridge . The Acosta kicked my butt. Even with my determination, I couldn't make it to the top running. I walked up. Up until this, I had kept a steady pace. I was doing about a 13 minute mile which is fast for me. The planners were smart in placing the bridges at the beginning of the race. In between mile 10 and 11 we had a ramp that goes up under the Acosta Bridge and it about killed me going up it. Coming down was fun because it goes around in circles. This part of the course is right on the St. John's river. I did mess up my pace a little because I had to stop and talk to the guys fishing. I couldn't run by them without out checking out the catch of the day.

I was grateful for the water station people. Especially at mile 10. I was feeling the effects of not sticking to my training schedule. I was getting tired and my legs were beginning to scream. They handed me a pack of energy gel. Wow. That helped. It really started to kick in about mile 11 or so. I needed that boost. My sweetie met me about a 1/2 a mile from the finish line and accompanied me to the final sprint. Yep. I kicked it in gear and ran full throttle across the finish line.

The people who participate in these runs are great. They are from all walks of life and in all different stages of physical shape. As noted in one of the previous posts, I called VW at the half-way point to give her an update. She went into hysterics when I mentioned that I had almost caught up to the guy on crutches. I wasn't kidding. This man did the entire half marathon on crutches. I never did catch him. He was fast. He is my hero of the day. What an accomplishment!

One guy gets the jerk award. I couldn't believe this man. He was probably in his late 50's or older. He's jogging by this young girl who is probably in her early 20's and says to her, "I hate to pass you. The view is great." What a creep. I wish I could have seen his number. I would have reported him to the officials. There is no excuse for rude behavior like that.

Overall the day was fantastic. The course was beautiful. The event was well organized. The people were great (except for one idiot). And the charity it benefits is special. The proceeds from this event go to Scholarships for the children of our Service people who have been killed in Iraq. I hope they raised a lot of money.

I personally ran for Run4Chance who supports the Injured Marine Fund and the Fisher House. I raised $260. Thank you to all who supported me. I had a great time and felt honored to represent Run4Chance and participate in this event.

3 hours 7 minutes or there abouts

Yipeee, she finished the race. FANTASTIC. I'm so proud of Sticks. Getting old and still able to get out there with the best of them! *ducks and runs*

1/2 Way Thru the Race

Just got a call from Sticks. She is half way thru the race and has almost caught up with the man on crutches. No joke. I laughed so hard when she told me. She just kept telling me it was true. I believe her, but it is still too funny!

Go Sticks Go!!!

The Soul of a Woman

The Soul of a Woman

Down in the depths of a woman's soul,
God's love is found, perfect and whole.

In her motherhood and sisterhood, she is healer of all,
Mender of life, she waits for her call,
And puts self aside, to bring out Self in all.

Beauty exists in the dawn of the day,
The answer is found by all who pray,
To know, truly know, woman's loving way.

Her heart grows from birth to transition,
Guided through life in quiet decision.

With the wisdom of sages,
She faces life's stages,
Knowing her role all along,
Is to sing and dance to every song.

Through expression of love, true and pure,
Her heart holds our secrets, safe and secure.
Down in the depths of a woman's soul,
God's love is found, perfect and whole.

Sore but grateful

Sunday I completed my 8 miles of training. While I was slightly sore and not so bendy yesterday, the worse part came at work. I am required to wear steel toed, metatarsal boots. I haven't weighed them but they probably weigh about five pounds. My legs screamed as I dragged those heavy ass boots around. It felt like I had my feet tied to concrete blocks. To make matters worse, I also do a lot of climbing. I am actually grateful as my job helps to keep me in shape. About three years ago, I transfered out of this particular job. I gained 28 pounds and felt like crap. Between my job and training for the Marine Corps Half-Marathon, I have lost 18 of those pounds in the last three months.

Hero of the Day

There are people who are far stronger and braver than I am. When faced with impossible circumstances, they prevail. One of those people is Sgt. T. J. Edwards, USMC. He was wounded in Iraq on December 9, 2006. Despite being burned on over 45% of his body, he recovered and is running marathons. He states,

"If I can be burned over nearly 50% of my body and complete three marathons and one triathlon, along with overcoming the mental anguish of losing six of my brothers in combat, then anybody can overcome their tragic circumstances, and come out a winner on the other side.

It just takes time and effort and the will power to never quit."

He is my Hero of the Day. Thank you Sgt. Edwards for your duty, courage and sacrifices.

Run4Chance

Today two great things happened. My official Run4Chance Shirt arrived and I officially registered for the Marine Corps Half-Marathon being held in Jacksonville on Oct. 3. I have 45 days to hit the training hard. I have been training but not as diligently as I should be. This race is important to me. First, because of the cause I am representing. Run4Chance. I am running this event independently. This is not one of their official races but I am still raising money for their cause. The money raised goes to the Injured Marines Fund and the Fisher House which gives the families of the injured service people a place to stay.

So, far you wonderful people have donated $265.00 to Run4Chance.

Mrs. Who of House of Zathras.
VWBug of One Happy Dog.
Writers Block of Pereiraville
and my blogless friend, Linnaya.

The men and women of our military put their lives on the line for all the liberties we have. The more I read about how women are still treated in other countries, the more I truly appreciate the sacrifices others have made for me. Recently, I read about a woman being caned for wearing pants. Pants. I can't imagine not wearing pants. Hell, I work in a man's world. I run a 35 ton tractor. Another woman is being caned for drinking beer. I would have been caned to death by the time I was old enough to drive. That would have been more beatings. While I have done a lot of things I probably shouldn't have, it is up to me to choose my how I live my life. I have to figure out what I believe is right and wrong. I don't think that should be done for me. Here in America we have the freedom to make wrong choices and the freedom to make right choices. And to decide if they are right or wrong.

I am truly an American Woman. I used to drink. I cuss. I wear pants. I drive a car. I travel by myself. I am going to college. I have married and divorced. More than once. More than twice. Stupid maybe. But, it is my life. I have to find what I think is beyond this life. I am discovering what my purpose in life is. I love the freedoms I have. It pains my soul to know that women are still treated so disrespectfully in other countries.

I am extremely proud of all of our servicemen and woman, past and present, who sacrificed so much including their lives so that I am free to make decisions for myself. I love being an American.

Focusing

I am alive with creative energy, awake to prospering ideas, and open to unlimited goodness.

I am focused and handle distractions quickly and with ease.

______________________________________________________

I have two things at work at which have been procrastinating. Today I will tackle these.

Conquoring Adult ADD

I took an ADD quiz and scored an 82. Anything above a 70 is considered Serious. I have often mentioned to people that I have ADD. They laugh and usually joke that they do too. But, I am serious. This is something that holds me back. I need to make some changes in my habits to help me overcome this.

Just the thought of trying to get organized enough and stay that way to accomplish this almost brings me to tears. I know that I am an intelligent person and that I could be doing so much more in my life if I could only control this more. I love when I am organized. I feel better. But, it takes so much energy and is draining.

I am determine to finish projects that I start and start projects that I keep postponing.

A suggestion from one website says:

This is a different take on dealing with procrastination. Instead of trying to overcome procrastination by fear “get organized, try harder”, they suggest overcoming it by getting around fear through creativity and making “a small, imperfect start ” Here’s one of the steps.

How to talk to yourself:

– Replace “I have to” — which promotes victimhood and resentment — with “I choose to.”

– Replace “I must finish” with “When can I start again?”

– Replace “This is so big/difficult/complex” with “I can take one small step: one rough, rough draft, one imperfect sketch.”

– Replace “I must do this right (i.e., perfectly)” with “I can be human.” Accept “mistakes” as feedback, and part of the natural learning process. In fact, try to be imperfect. Intentionally do the first part of your project sloppily: rough draft in crayon, or on a coffee-stained old envelope.

My fear of making mistakes is huge. I am a perfectionist and analyze things to death. I don't "see" things like other people do. Solutions are not obvious. But, most of the time, I find that my ideas are right on. It's just that I have difficulty bringing them to life or finishing them.

I must conquer this. Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated.