Monday, December 18, 2006


Walls. We all have them. Mine are tall, thick, and strong and encasing. They are stronger than castle or fort walls. It didn't take an army to build them just a few bad experiences and lots of pain. My walls served their purpose at the time but after a while they start impeding instead of protecting. In a few short days, I will be faced with either letting my wall crumble, letting someone behind my wall or coming on the other side of my wall myself. I need to let someone in. I need to let someone get closer. Not just anyone, but my Sweetie. This is a pivotal point and I am scared.

I'm wiping away the fear from my eyes as I write this. I'm fighting and struggling with myself. The risk gets greater the more times I do this. I thought the last time...


Don't walk into my life and try and control me. I will run back into myself.
Don't try and make me who you want me to be. I will run.

You circle the walls of my castle. I'm hiding deep within. I stand in the tower and watch you trying and trying to get in. Only I can let the draw bridge down and open the castle doors. My castle is strong and moored.

How do I know you're not the enemy? How do I know you'll do me no harm? How do I know that you won't trick me with your wit and your charm? But, I know that I need to leave my castle because it is no longer warm. The winds bring unbearable memories. Storms are trapped with in. I've cut myself off from the world that lies beyond the door. How do I know you won't harm me like the ones that came before?