Dreams and Memories

This is a Sonnet written by Chowhound. Wisdom from the next generation.

Dreams and Memories

by Chowhound

Everyone knows how hard it is to see

What lies ahead of us, years down the road.

They always know where they would like to be,

And for me the big city is my foe.

Nice sight the sea surface is from above,

At a place where the water is so clear,

But there is another view that I love,

Sixty feet under, my foes can’t be near.

To be under the water that far down

And look up to see the surface again,

Or to see a sunken ship that was found,

Where George the Grouper lives and is a friend.

Many people just like my mom and me,

From the ocean, have found serenity.

Shakespearean sonnet

Problem: thinking about memories and dreams that you can’t get to at this certain point

Solution: Find your dreams coming true

Exercise

It is important to exercise my body, mind, and spirit daily. I do this with energy and enthusiasm. I look forward to this time for myself.

Trust

I trust my intuition and myself. I won't let anyone put me down. I won't put down or doubt myself either.

Promises

I keep commitments and promises I make to myself.

I always do for others what I promise. So, why would I let myself down? I am important too. Keeping promises instills trust. It is the foundation of all relationships.

I promise to trust myself and not let myself down.

Need my head examined

See the Eskimo pixie all bundled up? That's the current temp in Winnipeg, Manitoba.

Why the hell did I volunteer to go to Manitoba, Canada? I know. Because my mouth engaged before my brain did.

I leave in a week. They are having a "heat wave" right now. The ten day forecast predicts the High next Sunday when I arrive will be 8 the low -4.

I have been going through my winter clothes. Crap. I think I'm going to need more than a sweatshirt and tennis shoes. I live in Florida. That is the extent of my winter wardrobe. I have a feeling I am in big trouble.

I have been shopping for clothes that I will wear this one time in my life. I still am stressing out over what to wear for shoes. I was looking for long johns last week and the clerk informed me they sent all they had up North. Crap. I found some in another store luckily. But, I just have a feeling that Florida winter clothes are not the quality you need in single digit or negative temps. I am going to be hitting the thrift stores this week. I figure I might find something a Northern transplant threw out.

I have faith that I will have everything to keep me warm. Yes. I'll keep repeating that over and over and over.

The Path to Serenity

Peacefulness comes from within. It is my decision on how I handle my emotions. I choose serenity.

I feel lucky

I think I'll go buy a lottery ticket.

Make every day bright and sunny

I can bring sunshine into a gloomy day just by smiling.

The Story behind the Affirmations

A long time and wonderful friend left the following comment on the daily affirmation I posted today.

Just wondering. After all these years I still don't know. Are you Catholic? I am. We have affirmations to the bible/ The Lord. They can also apply to your personal life. Just wondering where yours came from? I really like it! I have always known what a wonderful person you are. Are you just realizing it? I am sorry I haven't told you before now just how MAHVALOUS YOU REALLY ARE!

First, Tweety, thank you very much for the compliment. This means the world to me coming from you. You are such a tower of strength and love to everyone in your life.

I'm not sure of the answer to your first question, "Are you Catholic?" Well, kinda sorta. I was baptized for the first time in the Catholic Church. I have my certificate somewhere. If that makes you a Catholic then I am Catholic. But, then my parents were divorced when I was four. That's a big no-no for Catholics.

So, from there most of my religious up bringing came from attending Vacation Bible School with the neighbor's kids. Then, when I was ten I started riding a church bus with friends. I was the only one in my family to attend church. In my house, Sunday's were for nursing hangovers not for finding God. I went in search of Him.

I was baptized again in the First Church of the Nazareth. I was trying to wash the shame off. I was being sexual abused by my step-father and I felt dirty and shameful. Everyone said God was forgiving. God made everything better. Nothing helped. He didn't seem to be there.

So, I looked in the Baptist Church. I was baptized for the third time. The shame still hung like stench. It wasn't working.

So, I went to the Pentecostals. I was trying to understand the differences between the denominations. If the Catholics, Nazareth's, Baptists, Methodist and Pentecostals all prayed to and believed in the same God then why the different churches? The Pentecostals accepted me and I was baptized once again. I wanted someone to take me in and love me. Anybody. I still found nobody.

I tried a non-denominational Church. The messages in all of the churches were the same. Be kind. Be loving. Don't lie. Don't steal. Don't cheat. Worship only one God. Don't kill. But, I still didn't feel loved by others, myself, or God. I was angry that he didn't protect me.

I went back to the Catholic Church. I took Catechism classes. I went to Mass. I was doing everything the Bible told me to do to be a good person. But, my life was spiraling downhill. God still wasn't helping me. I was still full of anger, shame, and humiliation. I felt I wasn't worthy of being loved by myself or anyone else for that matter.

Then, when I was at my lowest point, He sent someone to me. I was headed to a remote area in Milton to OD on some pills I had stolen. Something prompted me to pull into a McDonald's parking lot. I think it was the fact that I was crying so hard that I couldn't see to drive. I sat there crying and started writing letters to my kids trying to explain that I loved them. That no matter what, they needed to know that. There was a rapping on the window. It startled me. A man was standing there. He motioned for me to roll the window down. He asked me what was wrong. I hesitated and said the standard lie, "Nothing". He pressed on. He asked me to come inside McDonalds and have a something to drink. For some reason I did. For the first time in my life, someone finally asked what was wrong. The dam burst and 25 years of shame and misery spilled forth. He sat and listened and listened. He explained that he was a Preacher from some Church in Crestview. I don't recall the name of the Church or even the denomination. He was just passing through. That "chance" meeting changed my life. I turned my car back towards home and went in and took my life back. It wasn't an easy journey. It took a lot of work and faith. I never saw him again. I never got a chance to tell the Preacher Thank you but I remember to tell Him Thank you all the time.

So, am I a Catholic? Yes. And a Baptist and a Protestant and a Methodist and a Pentecostal. I am a believer in God. I have Faith that there is so much more to life than just what we can see.

I can look through my life and see His work. But, I am human. Occasionally, I start believing what the world tells me and forgetting what God has shown me. That I matter. That I am special. That I can do all things through Faith. I have been given many Blessings in my life, my children, my family, and my friends. Now, I have been given another chance at love and marriage. God has given me so much. It is my gift to give it back to as many people as I can. That is the only repayment He requests. Lately, I started to forget again and He gave me a gentle reminder. So, right now, it is important to me to affirm my attributes to myself. I do this through my daily affirmations and through living my life to my highest potential. I keep my Faith and Spirit strong this way.

Thank you for asking.

Make the most of yourself

It's not where you come from or what you do, It's who you are that matters most.

Thirteen Books on my Shelf

For my 2nd Edition of Thursday Thirteen, I present the first thirteen books on my bookcase.

1. Wildlife of the Islands (Wildlife Habitat Series) by William H. Amos
2. Wildlife of the Oceans (Wildlife Habitat Series) by Albert C. Jensen
3. The Little Prince by Antoine De Saint-Exupery
4. When I am an Old Woman I shall wear Purple edited by Sandra Haldeman Martz
5. Dark Harbor by Stuart Woods
6. Odd Thomas by Dean Koontz
7. From the Corner of His Eye by Dean Koontz
8. Directv Receiver Owner's Manual
9. I try to take one day at a time... by Ashleigh Brilliant
10. Three to get Deadly by Janet Evanovich
11. Four to Score by Janet Evanovich
12. Eleven on Top by Janet Evanovich
13. Hard Eight by Janet Evanovich

My favorite book is The Little Prince. It is my reminder to always keep the innocence of a child. What do you see in the following picture?

If you had to guess at the picture, and guessed a hat, I suggest you read the book.

My favorite line is: "Grown-ups never understand anything by themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them."

Creative Ideas

I am creative and innovative.

Energy

I let energy flow through my veins and provide me with new life and courage to do everything I have to do.

Relationships

I contribute to the healthy growth of my relationships.

Carrot, Egg or Coffee

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up, She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her daughter, she asked, 'Tell me what you see.' 'Carrots, eggs, and coffee,' she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hardboiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, 'What does it mean, mother?' Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

'Which are you?' she asked her daughter. 'When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.

When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

____________________________

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

Letting Go

I let go of all expectations.

I flow freely and lovingly through life. I love myself. I know that only good awaits me at every turn.

Affirmations

I'm sure my dedicated readers have noticed my daily affirmations. I'm not posting these to brag on myself but to remind myself of my worth and my successes. I recently discovered that I switched from celebrating my successes to belittling myself. I would avoid the mirror and fuss at myself when my clothes didn't fit anymore. I focused on how fat I had gotten, how broke I was, anything and everything that was not going in the direction I wanted it to. This took a toll on my self-esteem and on my life. But, I didn't realize the extent until right after Christmas.

My Sweetie and his best friend sent me and his wife to a day at Seventh-Wonder Day Spa for our Christmas present. We had five hours of pampering. I have had an occasional manicure and pedicure but never anything beyond that. The "Day of Seven Wonders Package" included,
"Beauty care for the mind, body and spirit".

Treat yourself to a day of complete relaxation and health.

Start your day with a morning Massage followed by a soothing Manicure and Pedicure. Enjoy an afternoon Lunch served with Wine. Afterward, let us highlight the contours of your eyebrows using our method of Threading. All this is followed by a relaxing Facial, and a Chakra Balancing session of Reiki.

I tossed and turned and stressed the night before about going. I didn't know if I would be able to relax while a stranger touched my body. This fear stems from the years of sexual abuse. It really stressed me out thinking about it. Almost to the point that I started to back out. I'm glad I didn't.

I started out with the full body massage. It took a few minutes of coaxing and reassuring myself but I finally convinced myself there was no threat and I could enjoy it. She started with my neck and face and then proceeding down the right side of my body and back up the left. It felt great. She used just the right amount of pressure. But, it was what she did next that left a profound impact.

She went into the Chakra Balancing portion of the package. Now, I had no idea what the hell this was or what she was going to do. I had never even heard the word Chakra before. I didn't know I had them or I would have been worrying about whether or not anyone could see them. Kind of like when you're in Elementary School and someone tells you your Epidermis is showing. You get all panicky until you find out it's your skin. But, you're terrified to admit that you don't know what the hell they're talking about. I still don't know or care if I have them. What ever happened transformed me. I feel great. She put on a meditation tape. One with soothing music that takes you to a meadow and describes the sights, sounds, and smells. While I concentrated on that she put her hands over my eyes, just barely, if at all, touching me. The heat from her hands felt fantastic. She held them there for a long time and then moved them to over my ears. It was very relaxing. She progressed to my arms and then legs. Even though she never increased the pressure she was applying I felt more and more fatigued as time when by. It was a instantaneous relief when she removed her hands. Now, I am knowledgeable in the going ons on the body and I know why this works. But, then the tape changed. The narrator started saying affirmations in the first person and instructed me to repeat them. She said the sort of things I have been posting. "I am in control of my life." "I deserve to be happy." All the while, Tanya is still doing this barely touching thing to one body part at a time. As I laid there, listening I felt tears seeping out of the corners of my eyes. I couldn't help it. It was like WOW! The stress just oozed from me.

I realized how bad I had been treating myself lately. I didn't have a man belittling me anymore so I was doing it to myself. So, I have vowed to take care of myself. There are things I can control and I will.

Please feel free to add your own positive comments to the affirmations and repeat them over and over.

Self-forgiveness

As I forgive myself, I leave behind all feelings of not being good enough, and I am free to love myself.

Appreciation

My talents are in demand, and my unique gifts are appreciated by those around me.

I have a choice

I have the choice to change things about myself that I do not like and I choose to change them in a positive and productive way.

Photo Friday

This week's theme is disastrous.

Sunken tug at Georgetown Marina in Exuma, Bahamas.

Happy Birthday Mom

Dear Mom,

I don't think I really and truly appreciated you until I became a mother. Now, I see the sacrifices you made. Some were great and some small but both given through unconditional love. It takes great strength to stand quietly in the wings holding your breath and biting your lip while you watch your child take risks. You've tasted a lot of blood with me. There were so many times you could have lectured, nagged or scolded me but you didn't. There were also times you dragged me by the scuff of my neck while I kicked and screamed. I made my choices and you were there no matter what the outcome. Thank you. That taught me the most when it has come to raising my own children.

The most difficult part of being a mother is knowing when to interfere and when not to interfere. It's standing there feeling helpless because you can't fix your child's broken heart. It's running weeks on end knowing what sleep deprivation is but deciding that your children's welfare is more important. It's holding your daughter's hand as she gets married for the 3rd time even though you know it's the worse man she's picked so far. It's being by her side and holding a minutes old baby up for her to see. It's being there no matter what.

A mother's love is like nothing else in the world. Thank you for loving me. Happy Birthday. I love you for all that you are and all you have given me. I hope you have a great 74th Birthday. You are special and deserve special things.

Love,

Your #4 daughter

Thursday Thirteen: The Little Things

Sometimes in life we have to remind ourselves of the little things we have accomplished. It is so easy to demean ourselves for not reaching some major goal. It is the little steps that lead to major changes. Remember to pat yourself on the back once in a while for a minor milestone. It may be finishing a book. Losing one pound. Remembering to mail a letter to a friend. The little things in our lives may make a big impact in someone else's life.

For Thursday Thirteen, I am listing 13 things I have done.

13 Random Things I have accomplished

1. I got my SCUBA diving certification. I quit during my first certification class so it was quite an achievement to finally get it 10 years after my initial attempt. I have been rewarded by seeing a lionfish, doing a wall dive, and exploring the vast underwater world.

2. I made screens for my house. When I moved in there were no screens on any of the windows. Evidently, the prior owners never opened the windows during good weather. I'm a fresh air person.

3. I have killed a six point buck. And, I did this the first time I ever went hunting. He was killed instantly. Dropped on the spot. I have only been hunting twice. I don't think it is something I would ever do again. But, I did it. I can fire a gun. Don't mess with me.

4. I won a poetry contest. Granted it was just for Homecoming in my senior year and that was a few years ago. But, it is the only poetry contest I ever entered. I don't even have a copy of the poem.

5. I bought a house. I did this all on my own. This is a major accomplishment for me. I went from living in public housing to buying my own place without government assistance.

6. I brought three precious lives into this world.

7. I remembered to mail my son's glasses to him today. Everything was working in my favor today. I made it to the post office before they closed. I had a few other odds and ends to send him. The glasses were wrapped up in a shirt I was shipping also. As, I placed the shirt in the box, the glasses fell to the floor. I was so glad. Somehow, my glasses had ended up packed with his stuff and his glasses were in the truck. Close call. All is right in my world.

8. I can weld.

9. I can operate forklifts, loaders, cranes, dump trucks, manlifts.

10. I can back a trailer.

11. I finished a crossword puzzle.

12. I accepted a compliment today. This usually embarrasses me and I respond awkwardly. Today, I held my head up and said Thank you.

13. I posted my first Thursday Thirteen today.

Remember to celebrate the little things you do. What are you accomplishments?

Determination

I WILL FIND A WAY--OR MAKE ONE

Swedish Proverb

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours”

Life Updates

My nephew, Robert, who graduated from bootcamp a week after my son, will graduate from his MOS on January 25th. He was just promoted to PFC and is in contention to graduate at the top of his class. He and another Marine are battling back and forth for the highest grade. They are 2/100ths of a point apart. The top graduate gets promoted to Lcpl. Keep your fingers crossed for him. He found out today that he will be going to Okinawa, Japan, for his permanent duty station. He will leave about a week after graduation. Robert was lucky and laughing. Several of the other Marines will be going back to Beaufort, SC for their duty. Can you imagine "escaping" from Parris Island just to be sent back on your first duty assignment? Poor guys.

My other nephew leaves late February or early March for Iraq. Please keep him, his wife, and one year old daughter in your prayers. Also, include my sister. In a matter of a month or so, she will have two sons out of the country, one in Japan and one in Iraq. Her oldest son is trying to join the Army (a medical condition prevents him from being a Marine). Talk about stress.

Meanwhile, my son just started his MOS training today. He has night classes. He has class from 5pm to Midnight. What a schedule! His roommate has day classes. Daredevil will be in school until the middle part of June. Then, he will choose his next school which is more than likely in 29 Palms too.

It was great to have Daredevil home for Christmas and New Years. He left a week earlier than anticipated. He found out at Noon on the 3rd that he had to be back THAT day. We did some quick calls and had him on a 5:30 pm flight to Vegas. That was the closest airport we could manage. I was stressed out trying to help him figure out how to get from Vegas to the base in CA. His SSgt ended up sending someone to pick him up. It is a 2 1/2 hour drive one way. I can hear that conversation, "Honest, honey, I don't want to go to Vegas, but the Marine Corps is making me." Some guy was probably in big trouble with his girlfriend or wife.

But, it all worked out and Daredevil made it back the 29 Palms. I miss him but I think his younger brother misses him more. No one to get in trouble with.

All in all, everything is going well. I am making wedding plans for myself while helping Chowhound get set up to graduate and start college. This will be a busy year. The last one leaves home.

Cookie Monster meets Spider Man

Dawn, of Because I Said So, has her hands full with her son, Clay. Here's her post on this. (But, I've embedded the video for convenience.) I love the belly laugh.

Security and Love

I feel more secure each day
and
Love opens all doors.

Faith

I believe in myself.

Pride

I am proud of who I am and everything I have accomplished.

The Perfect Partner

I have the perfect loving partner in my life. We love and support each other and assist in each other's growth for the good of all concerned.

Prosperity

I move from poverty thinking to prosperity thinking.

Good Relationships

I have wonderful relationships with my friends, family, and co-workers.

Ideas

Ideas come to me easily and effortlessly.

Guiltless

Be free of guilt today.

Learning

No matter how old I am, I can always learn more and I choose to do so with confidence.

Thinking clear

I am a clear thinker and express myself with ease.

New Opportunities

Wonderful new opportunities to share my unique gifts now open up to me and I choose to recognize and accept them.

Self Expression

I feel good expressing myself in all sorts of creative ways.

Experience Opportunities

I turn every experience into an opportunity.
Each problem has a solution.
All experiences are an opportunity for me to learn and grow.
I am safe.

I believe in me

Belief in self is a step toward personal growth.

Moto for 2008

I can handle all changes that come my way.