How to bug your children....

When they go in their room to play video games, wait a few minutes and then yell,

"Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeey, Come Watch this!"

How long can you hold it in?

When they groan and go back to their room give them a few minutes and yell,

"Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey, Come watch this!"

Beer lady.

They will snicker and disappear into the video zone again. Wait a few minutes and yell,

Yep, you guessed it. "Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey, Come watch this".

Who needs disney?

See, it's fun having teenagers. They're are all kinds of ways to amuse your self and annoy them at the same time.

But, by now, they are shuffling their feet and whining. So you have to get creative.

"Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeey, Come Watch this!" (The creative part is the fact that you're lying).

Funny Father.

"Heeeeeeeeeeeeeey, last one."

Fake Waterbed.

Got brain draino?

Brain draino needed. All my ideas are stuck and the plunger is not working.

Life without a Song

My self-esteem has taken another hit. It was bad enough when I took the superhero quiz it came up with nothing. Twice. Yes, I took it twice and twice it produced no results. I have no superhero qualities. Cat Woman, Super Girl, Wonderwoman, they can all relax I am no threat.

Now in addition to having no great qualities, I don't even have a life song. This seemed simple enough for an ordinary person to do. No tall buildings to leap, no walls to climb, just plug in the date of your 18th birthday, click on the UK or USA flag and based on billboard's hits it tells you the #1 song at that time. I punch in the date, click the USA flag and wait in anticipation. It was kind of exciting in a "I got no life so this is my big thrill" kind of way. Until it stuck it's tongue out with "Information is not available". WTF! I have no theme song. No sound track for my life. I'm living in the silent film era. No cool song to strut down the street by. Seeing as how I won't be battling bad guys I won't need background music. But, wait, there is still a chance. So, I resort to clicking on the British Flag. Now it retorts with "Do you really want to hurt me?" (Culture Club) ! Yep. This is it. This has been my theme song. Now my life makes sense.

Other notable songs:

The #1 song on the day I was born was "Baby Love" by the Supremes.
Improviser's life song "Burn" (Usher).... BD song-Greatest Love of All (Whitney Houston)
Daredevil's life song Gold Digger (Kane West).... BD song-Didn't We Almost Have it All (Whitney Houston)
Chowhound bd song Black Velvet - Alannah Myles

So, what is your theme song?

Egg Snot Cures

I'm no longer feeling like egg snot. Thanks to a $45 bottle of cough syrup. Holy Crap. Now I can't even feel my head, lungs, etc. Whoo Hoo! The modern cure for bronchitis. I was skeptical when he said to take one teaspoon at bedtime once a day. This stuff was thicker than egg snot. But, oh does it work. Bedtime came at Noon today. By my calendar we're on day two now and it's almost bedtime again.

This is how I feel today.

Like Egg Snot.

Update on Concerned

Apparently, I wasn't the only person who called the Resource Officer at the school and asked him to check on the boy I mentioned previously. Daredevil told me last night that the Officer called the girl's mother. He said the boy was ok and in a safe place and that he couldn't go into further details. I'm not sure exactly what that means, but I feel better that someone checked on him.

Concerned

I feel like I have let a child down and I haven't and I shouldn't feel that way, but I do. (Wouldn't my English teacher love that sentence!)

Let me explain. Hopefully, I'm calm enough now to write this without losing my mind. Yep. You guessed it. This post is compliments of Daredevil. He is my mother's revenge. I know she dances around singing, "Ha! Ha! Ha! I told you so. Paybacks. Paybacks!", everytime I call her and say, "Guess what Daredevil did?"

Tuesday morning.

Ring. Ring.

Me: "Hello."

Stranger's voice: "Do you live at *****? This is Officer *****. I am sitting in front of your house. There are some children in there and they won't come out."

At first, I thought maybe it was a Valentine's prank, early April Fool's joke. Something. I'm quite into denial and like to live in that world sometimes. Reality hoovers.

I started asking him for credentials, contacts and how I could verify who he was. This annoyed him. I could hear him rolling his eyes. Yes, I verified his identity. There are too many nuts out there to trust everyone. I was suspicious and cautious because he asked if I had caller id and just wanted me to call my house and tell the kids to come out.

It seems my neighbors called the school and reported truants. Needless to say, I wasn't happy. (I was unhappy about the situation, not my neighbors. Everyone should have neighbors that care.) After the second conversation with the Officer, I huffed out a "I'll be back" to my boss and sped home daring another officer to pull me over. It wouldn't have been a pretty sight. I roared into the house ordering children OUT! They tucked their tails and hurried to the safety of the officer. I told the officer I would handle my own child. But, that's another story.

This is the part that bothers me. Two of the kids that were caught skipping have been forbidden by their parents to see each other. They were both suspended from school for the rest of the week because they left campus. Daredevil told me tonight that when the boy's father found out he skipped school with the girl he got physically violent with him. "Throwing him into doors and walls" is what I was told. I know nothing about this kid or his father. I do not know how valid the information is. But, I do not believe that any child should ever be touched in anger.

I grew up in a violent household and it still scares the hell out of me. I am worried this child was hurt. I feel guilty and responsible. I know I shouldn't but I can't help it. I plan to call the school tomorrow and request the officer visit the child's home to check on him. I don't know if he will. But, I feel I need to do something. The thought of a child being hurt hits me to the soul. I don't know what else to do.

FTD stands for.....

Failure To Deliver. It should be NFTD...No Flowers Tonight Darling.

Because it's almost 2 days after Valentine's Day and I don't have my flowers yet! My wonderful Sweetie sent me flowers or so he says (grins & winks), "It's the thought that counts, right." I know he thinks of me more often than he tells me and I don't need flowers to prove it.

But, when you pay for something and they tell you it will be there on a certain day then they should keep their promise.

What happens when you....

1) have nothing to do

2) own a sharp knife

3) have a large lime

4) own a patient cat

5) drink too much tequila

6) and it's football season?








hat tip to my sister for the e-mail. I just had to share this.

Is 28 degrees too cold for shorts.

I live in Florida. North Florida. It is 28 degrees this mornings. Brrrrrrrrr. That is too freaking cold for me. We are minutes from the GA border. This is imported dead palm tree country. Tourist do not flock here for the winter. It gets cold. Tomorrow is going to be in the teens. Today's high isn't even going to hit 50.

However, Chowhound is prancing around here in shorts this morning. He is wearing shorts to school. He insists he lives in Florida so he can wear shorts year round. I know it's an attention thing from his friends. He is 16. I won't get into a head butting contest with him. I just shake my head and walk off. If he wants to freeze his marbles off that his business. But, I bet he took his sweats with him for track practice. He maybe brain damaged but he is not stupid.

It still makes me lose my mind.

Help Save the Iguana

In my dining room, I have a wall done entirely in stone (it matches my fireplace).

I wanted a mirror for this wall.

I wanted the mirror to be surrounded by black wrought iron.

This imagine of the perfect mirror has been haunting my mind. I have been obsessed with it. I had to find this mirror.

I searched and searched.

Yesterday, my car suddenly veered out of the stagnate traffic and went to this little hole in the wall shop. I had never noticed this shop before. The signs were kind of confusing. The name was Island Imports yet it informed me that the products were from Mexico. Did I miss that geography class?

But, lo and behold there was my dream mirror. It's exactly what I had pictured. Well, almost. My version didn't have the iguana.

I bought the mirror with the intent of removing the critter or covering him up. But, now there is a debate in my household.

Improviser loves the iguana. He votes it stays.

Daredevil is in love and therefore nothing exists except his girlfriend. So, he's not voting.

Chowhound never makes it to the dining room. He camps out in front of the refrigerator. Therefore, he hasn't seen the new pet. But, he would probably vote to remove and cook the delicacy.

The critter is starting to grow on me. He looks at home lurking on those rocks. Well, I have been trying to come up with a new "theme" for my house. Maybe I found one.

Help me. Vote. Do we keep the new pet or find him a new home?

Valentine greetings NOT to send

Valentine for your brokeback buddies?

Going through a mid-life crises?

For the working girl.

This one is just disgusting.

This isn't a valentine it's just to make up for the last picture. Test your sanity.

UNPOPULAR VALENTINE'S DAY CARDS

* Thinking of you sweetheart, which, technically, the court order can't prevent.
* Just wanted to say "I love you" when I wasn't falling down drunk.
* If only we weren't so closely related!
* I'm too shy to ask in person, but what is that thing on your face? A mole, a wart? WHAT????
* You're too beautiful to resist, my under-the-ether dental patient.
* I'm more than half interested in you, my hermaphroditic darling!
* The Medicated Shampoo Took Care of It.
* I'm Glad the Arkansas State Troopers Brought You to My Hotel Room, Valentine!
* I'll Give You Money To Have Sex With Me.
* Just thinking of you while I am drunk and no one else will have sex with me.

_____________________

EXCUSES WHY MEN FORGET VALENTINE'S DAY

* The Florist couldn't find your house, did you move?
* I sent a candygram. Someone must have eaten it.
* The Hallmark Store was closed, and I didn't want to send less than the best.
* I sent an e-mail card. You never got it? AOL must have messed up again!
* I left a message on your answering machine to meet me for dinner. Where were you?
* I didn't know you liked jewelry.
* I thought Saint Valentine's Day was a Catholic holy Day.
* Your mailman must have been shot in a Post Office Massacre.
* I thought we would do something different this year.
* I thought it would mean I was making a commitment.
* You didn't remind me!

How to cure the blues

Blogging has been light lately since I didn't want to spread my depressed attitude. But, I had a great pick-me-up last night.

I went out on a "date". A handsome young man asked me out and I accepted. There is nothing better to lift a woman's heart then to be asked out by her son.

Daredevil called me at work yesterday. Usually, it is "can I use the car tonight". Instead he asked, "Mom, would you go shopping with me tonight?"

My heart brightened.

He has been searching and searching for a necklace for his girlfriend. He bought her a birthstone ring for Christmas and wanted to find a matching necklace.

When I asked him why he wanted me to go with him, he replied, "We haven't done anything together in a while and I wanted a woman's opinion."

This coming from my 18 year old son. I was flattered and honored. We had a fantastic time. We found exactly what he was looking for and in his price range. Yes, he used his own money. He does not ask me for any.

So, I am beaming this morning. My sons brighten my life. I love them dearly and am proud of them all.

Perspective

Dawn's services are today and regretably I can not attend. She is a very special person to me and will always be.

Dawn, I will not say goodbye. Only, until we meet again.
________________________________

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other. Then someone at my side says, "There, she is gone."

"Gone where?"

Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side, and she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port. Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when someone at my side says, "There, she is gone!" there are other eyes watching her coming, and there are other voices ready to take up the glad shout, "Here she comes!" And that is dying.

- Anonymous

More Heart Facts

Compared with Men:

38% of women and 25% of men will die within one year of a first recognized heart attack.
35% of women and 18% of men heart attack survivors will have another heart attack within six years.
46% of women and 22% of men heart attack survivors will be disabled with heart failure within six years.
Women are almost twice as likely as men to die after bypass surgery.
Women are less likely than men to receive beta-blockers, ACE inhibitors or even aspirin after a heart attack.
More women than men die of heart disease each year, yet women receive only:
33% of angioplasties, stents and bypass surgeries
28% of inplantable defibrillators and
36% of open-heart surgeries
Women comprise only 25% of participants in all heart-related research studies.

Heart Disease and Women

This post is to all women and everyone who loves them.

My best friend, Dawn, died of a heart attack. She was 41. She went to the emergency room complaining of chest pains a few days prior to her fatal heart attack. They sent her home with two sheets of paper. Two handouts. That was their medical treatment. A handout on chest pain management and one on stress, anxiety and panic attacks. We will never know if her condition could have been treated if someone had taken her seriously. If someone had taken the time to properly evaluate her and not immediately assume it was panic. You see she had been "diagnosed" as a manic-depressive. She was under a doctor's care for years. Why hadn't anything else ever been checked? I have a lot of questions right now and I know there will never be any answers. "What if's" won't bring my friend back. But, knowing the following information might alert someone else. If you have any symptoms, don't let the emergency room staff just dismiss you. Press on. Make them check out everything.

Remember:

Heart disease isn't just a man's disease. Heart attack, stroke and other cardiovascular diseases are devastating to women, too. In fact, coronary heart disease, which causes heart attack, is the leading cause of death for American women. Many women believe that cancer is more of a threat, but they're wrong. Nearly twice as many women in the United States die of heart disease and stroke as from all forms of cancer, including breast cancer.

Cardiovascular disease claims more women's lives than the next six causes of death combined — about 500,000 women's lives a year.

Some heart attacks are sudden and intense — the "movie heart attack," where no one doubts what's happening. But most heart attacks start slowly, with mild pain or discomfort. Often people affected aren't sure what's wrong and wait too long before getting help.

Here are signs that can mean a heart attack is happening:

Chest discomfort. Most heart attacks involve discomfort in the center of the chest that lasts more than a few minutes, or that goes away and comes back. It can feel like uncomfortable pressure, squeezing, fullness or pain.

Discomfort in other areas of the upper body. Symptoms can include pain or discomfort in one or both arms, the back, neck, jaw or stomach.

Shortness of breath. May occur with or without chest discomfort.

Other signs: These may include breaking out in a cold sweat, nausea or lightheadedness

As with men, women's most common heart attack symptom is chest pain or discomfort. But women are somewhat more likely than men to experience some of the other common symptoms, particularly shortness of breath, nausea/vomiting, and back or jaw pain.

Heart Facts

Heart disease is the #1 killer of American women.

One in five women have some form of cardiovascular disease.

In 1999, cardiovascular disease (CVD) caused the deaths of 512,904 females, 53.5% of all deaths from CVD.

One out of three women compared with one out of four men will die within one year after having a heart attack.

A woman's chances of developing heart disease soar after she goes through menopause.

More women than men will suffer a second heart attack within six years after their first heart attack.

African American women are 60 percent more likely to die of coronary heart disease than white women.

Women with diabetes are 3 to 4 times more likely than men to develop heart disease.

Fewer than one in ten women today think that heart disease is their greatest health threat.

Diabetes doubles the risk of a second heart attack in women.

For more information:

Women's Health

American Heart Association: Women and Cardiovascular Disease

To Dawn Rena

My post for Dawn is gone. Damn Blogger. It was there. I saw it. And now it's gone. Just another reason to get angry. Maybe I can take out my frustrations on blogger.

I will try this again.
_________________________________

Dawn Rena, I will miss you. You are my best friend. We have over twenty years of memories together. We're supposed to have a lot more. We've raised children, married and divorced, laughed and cried. Two weeks ago we made "plans" to get together next time I came to town. You laughed at how some people couldn't understand how we could go months without talking and still be best friends. And we exchanged "I love yous". I'm so glad I got the chance to say that to you even though I know you already knew. That's what being friends is all about.

Our lives became entwined right after high school. Late nights closing at Taco Bell. The look on your face when I threw a cap full of sour cream and it landed right on the top of your head. Sour Cream exploding everywhere. When you laughed and came at me with a bottle full of water, I knew we would be friends for life. That was the beginning of a wonderful, beautiful friendship. You truly are a beautiful person inside and out.

You radiated in your bridal grown (both times). I stood beside you the first time and in front of you performing the ceremony the second. We always said husbands come and go but best friends are forever. You paced the halls with my family when I had my boys and you helped watch them grow.

We spent many a night drinking daiquiris and solving the worlds problems. We realized we were "getting old" when a great Friday night without the kids meant driving an hour to the first Super Walmart. We thought they were going to throw us out we were laughing so hard at the greeting cards. Never did take much to amuse us.

So many memories. I cherish them all. Dawn you are forever in my heart. You are a piece of my soul. I love you. And I will miss you greatly.

How do I say goodbye?

I'm having a hard time with the news of Dawn's death. And it pains me that I will not be able to attend her services. I don't know how to say goodbye or how to reconcile the pain and anger I feel inside. She is too young to die. She is my best friend. She has always been there for me. I feel like I'm not going to be there for her.