Future Bad Example Family Member?

The kitchen ain't just for eatin' any more

The backwoods got a little closer today. Just when I think that we live in an advancing society somebody comes along and blows up that theory. This is a true story folks. I can't make crap like this up.

Today, one of our regular drivers comes in. (Oh, did I mention he lives in Alabama. That may explain this.) It's been about a week or so since we've seen him. We notice and mention that he has a new tooth. He gap in his smile is gone. We knew he had been having dental work done and was looking forward to his new tooth but it was still supposed to be a while before the work was completed. So, we congratulate him on his appearance. Then he admits that it is a temporary tooth. He had a friend who knew this guy that makes teeth. He went to the man's house. The man took him to the kitchen, sat him down, made an impression and made him a tooth right there in his house. Black market tooth fairy. Who knew?!

12 Pains of Christmas

Valuable lesson

Last night, I had a living demonstration on being grateful for what you have because it could be worse. This lesson was brought to me by Wally World of all places. I had time to kill and shopping to do so I figured I would check out our brand new Super Wally World. It has been open about a month now. The greatest thrill I was seeking was pushing around a new cart. I really was looking forward to that. Shopping buggy's hate me. I always seem to get the handicapped one. Well, lo and behold, if I didn't manage to pull out a limping SOB out of the barn of newborn buggies. Thud, thud, thud, thud. One wheel had a flat spot on it. In fact, it was the left rear wheel because the mechanic in me came out and I had to diagnose the problem. First, I lifted the rear wheels off the ground and pushed. No thud, thud, thud. So, then I rolled it on three wheels keeping the right side wheel up. Ok. I found the problem. It didn't fix it. But, I diagnosed it. Why? I don't know. Impulse. Just had to. But, I still pushed this stupid thud, thud buggy around until I couldn't take it anymore. I limped it back to the entrance and traded it in. Ah,,,,,,,quiet. The cart was a little difficult to push. The wheels felt tight but after all it was new. But, it wasn't thud, thud, thudding. I am a very tolerant person. I don't expect everything to be perfect that is why I put up with the limping buggy for so long. I should have been satisfied with it. As I continued my shopping, my "new" new buggy freed up and was easier to push. But, then all of a sudden an alarm or something went off in the stupid thing. A high pitched run to the hills squeal. It was worse than fingernails on a chalkboard. Damn. Do buggys hate me or what? It definitely killed my shopping mood and saved me money. I guess I should be grateful.

Accent Wars!

I have been dragged inta dis accent war between my "Grandma Bou" `n` my "Great Grandpappy Harvey" about whether er not my "Uncle T1G" has an accent.

Well, if you are unsure, then take this Yankee test. I scored 97% Dixie. Then it asked something about my Grandfather Lee. Don't know why their dragging him into this. The last time I saw him was at a club in Hammond LA through the bottom of a shot glass. That was many moons ago.

So, if`n yew tekk da test `n` do turn out ta be a Gott forbid Yankee, then yew can translate yore yankee talk cheer so us Southern folks can understan` yew.

There is even a place to "hoggle" your web searches and blog url's. I tried a few. My favorite was "One Happy Dog Speaks" which translates to "One tickled pink dog speaks".

So, now put in any Url and us southern folk with be able to understand you Yankees. (Hint: put in Great Grandpappys web address and go back and read his post the way it should have been written.)

Have fun and "Ya'll come back now, ya here. I'll leave the light on for ya."

Accent my a$$.

It's a small, small blog world

I'm am still cracking up at this. It seems that another Bad Example family member and I have something in common. We dated the same guy (sort of). Actually, I more than dated him. I divorced him. Oh yeah, and had kids too. She was smart enough to only sort of date him before I did. Too effing funny.

Two hundred drummers drumming (or more)

Anyone who lives near Clearwater, Florida, probably heard pounding in their ears all weekend long. The Boston Crusaders held their annual auditions there this weekend. Approximately 300 teenagers descended on this town. About 250 of them pound on something (the others are flag corps). And believe me, as a mother of two percussionist, they pound on anything. Unlike, most mothers, a percussionist's mother cannot scold her children for beating on things because they come back with "but, we're practicing." Yeah, right.

The Boston Crusaders Drum and Bugle Corps, founded in 1940, is the third-oldest junior drum and bugle corps in the nation and is proud to be a founding member of Drum Corps International. The corps, composed entirely of brass players, percussionists and color guard members under the age of 22, travels over 10,000 miles each summer, performing in more than 40 competitions and exhibitions before a combined audience of over 300,000 fans.

Chowhound toured two summers ago with Teal Sound. He was only 15. The average age is 19. He will be 17 in March. He researched his choices and decided that the Boston Crusaders were worthy enough for him to join. I am a proud Mama, but I can tell you the kid is good. He plays the marimba, a percussion keyboard. He has been asked back for the next audition in December. This means that more than likely he will make the cut. Which means that once a month for the next five months, I get to drive 3 hours one way to Clearwater. Lucky me. Then at the end of May I get to figure out how to get him to New Hampshire. He isn't real keen on flying. He has only done it once and didn't really care for it.

But, I will do what I have to do because as I was leaving him this weekend, he wrapped his arms around me and said, "Thanks for supporting me, Mom." Awww, Shucks. I'm such a sucker.

Hoops and YoYo

Have you seen these cards from Hallmark? A friend of mine sent me "We want Turkey". I had tears in my eyes from laughing so hard. Anyone with boys can see their kids doing these things. Especially my three boys. Here are a few (I hope the links work.)

Fun wtih Taters

We want Turkey

There are a bunch more. But these two were great.

Near miss but I don't know how

I was flying down I-75 last night near Ocala. I was on my way home from dropping Chowhound off in Clearwater (that's near Tampa). The traffic at this point had thickened but everyone was still doing about 80 so they wouldn't get run over. That is the typical speed for the holiday weekend. The Northbound lanes were three wide and occupied and I was in the inside lane. There was a narrow emergency strip to my left bordered by a guard rail. There was not immediate access to the median. The vehicle to my right was doing the same speed I was and there were cars behind both of us. There were no street lights and it was cloudy and dark. All of sudden right in front of me was a man standing in the middle of my lane waving his arms. There was a SUV parked partly in the lane behind him. I slammed on my brakes and started praying that they wouldn't lock up. I knew there was no way I could stop in time and there was nowhere for me to go. I was blocked in this lane. I was also worried about the person who had been tailgating me running into me and pushing me into this man. Somehow, I made it around them without hitting anyone. The fact that I drive a very small car is probably what saved the situation. I don't think a bigger vehicle could have fit between them and the vehicle in the other lane that could only slightly swerve because there was someone beside him. I saw as I passed by the man and the vehicle that this was a recent accident. There were several people standing on the other side of that vehicle and another truck beyond them. Once, I cleared the situation, I made my way to the right side emergency lane. I was shaking and crying and couldn't drive. I still do not know how I made it around them. I'm not that good a driver. Ask anyone. I hope and pray that no one behind me hit them. I couldn't tell from my rear-view mirror. So, I have something else to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.

Truly Thankful this year

I don't post everyday not because I don't have anything to say but because I'm a very reflective type person and I think a lot before I write. I compose the most outstanding posts in my mind but by the time I post it either my thoughts are lost or someone else has posted exactly what I was going to say.

This Thanksgiving I did not drive the five hours home to be with my mom and sisters. Instead, my boys and I had a small turkey dinner and we went to the movies. The rest of my day was spent reading The Blog of War and reflecting on everything I have to be thankful for. I thought about the things I complain about and examined if they are really that bad. I thought about the weight I've gained and thought instead of complaining I should really be thankful I have food to eat. An abundance of anything I want and it is my choice if I overeat or eat the wrong things. Nobody is forcing me to do these things. Then, I thought about my bills, my friends, my life, my choices and I read my book some more. So many people sacrifice and fight for me so that I can sleep in peace at night. I then started going through some of the milblogs in the book and from other peoples blogs. Then I came upon the post I had been writing in my head. Some Soldiers Mom wrote exactly what I had been thinking. This is at the end of her post.

I am Thankful:
FOR THE WIFE WHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT,
BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME,
AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

FOR THE HUSBAND WHO IS ON THE SOFA BEING A COUCH POTATO,
BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME
AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS.

FOR THE TEENAGER WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES
BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME,
NOT ON THE STREETS.

FOR THE TAXES I PAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM EMPLOYED.

FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS.

FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.

FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE.

FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING,
WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING,
AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME.

FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT
BECAUSE IT MEANS WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH.

FOR THE PARKING SPOT I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING
AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION.

FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM WARM.

FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH WHO SINGS OFF KEY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I CAN HEAR.

FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.

FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES AT THE END OF THE DAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.

FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.

FOR TOO MUCH E-MAIL
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE FRIENDS WHO ARE THINKING OF ME.

AND FINALLY, FOR THE SOLDIERS DEPLOYED ALL OVER THE WORLD
BECAUSE IT MEANS THAT I AND MINE CAN SLEEP PEACEFULLY TONIGHT.

Beginning of a short week

I like this week. Only 3 work days. So, instead of starting the week on a Monday it's like starting on a Wednesday. Two more days and the week is done. Yeah. Hope your Monday/Wednesday is a good one.

I'm leaving.....

...on a jet plane (NOT).

Wish I was for several reasons. First, I could read my new book (as long as I take my own tissues). Secondly, I hate the drive to Ft. Lauderdale but I love to see my Sweetie. And finally, of course, I would be there a whole lot sooner.

All my bags are packed
I'm ready to go

Oh, Crap! No they're not. I have some serious packing to do.

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me

Ya'll hang out and have a good time. I'll be back in a few days.

It's here, it's here, it's here

I snatched it out of the little post office locker, hurried to my car and ripped open the envelope. Of course, the first thing I had to do was find Army Wife Toddler Mom. It's like going to a crowded event, I wanted to find a familiar face. As expected, I was fighting leaky eyes by the time I finished her entry. I could feel her love and her pain.

I have no doubt that this will be a difficult read. But, one well worth it. Powerful. I think that is the best word I have to describe it. That is my impression after reading just the first chapter.

Thank you all for sharing the most difficult time in your lives.

Trying to look on the Bright side

Ten Humorous, Motivating Quotations To Brighten Your Day - by Mike Moore

George Bernard Shaw once said that if you find something funny search it for hidden truth. Here are few pearls of wisdom packaged in humor. Enjoy.

1. You wouldn't worry what people thought about you if you only knew how seldom they did.

2. To expect life to treat you fairly because you're a good person is like expecting a bull not to charge you because you're a vegetarian.

3.Worry is like a rocking chair; it will give you something to do, but won't get you anywhere.

4.Pain and suffering are a lot like gas....they too shall pass.

5.Always borrow money from a pessimist. They don't expect to be paid back.

6.Anyone who says that swimming is good for the figure has never taken a real good look at a whale.

7.A bore is always "ME" deep in conversation.

8.Some people think their lives are full, when really they're just cluttered.

9.If at first you don't succeed, try not to be amazed.

10.A leader without a sense of humor is like a grass cutter at a cemetery. You have a lot of people under you paying absolutely no attention.

Live Better....Laugh More

My prayers are with my Sweetie and his family

Here I am alternating between the computer and the stove. Picking at the fajitas. Staring at the phone. Waiting for it to ring. Picking it up. Dailing. No answer. Putting it down. Checking e-mail. Nibbling at the food on the stove. Over and Over again. Waiting once again for funeral arrangements to be made. My Sweetie's baby brother, this time. My heart goes out for his family. I am frustrated being so far away. Waiting for word so I can make arrangements to go to South Florida. Resisting the impulse to jump in the car and just go. I have responsibilities and obligations here. Work. Kids. And I hate it right now. I want to be there. Giving hugs. A shoulder. Holding a hand. Wiping a tear. Anything, other than listening to my phone not ring. And their phone ringing on and on and on. I know my Sweetie will call as soon as there is time and information. But, this waiting is difficult.

Thank you Vets!

Valour IT

Great Job Marines!

Naked Kisses

Oh No. Hershey's has gone and done it now. They have naked kisses. A bag of unwrapped kisses. They are supposed to be for baking. Yeah, right. Like that's gonna happen. Just rip the bag open and eat them like M&M's--by the handfuls. At least before, I would have to work to get them. Then, that little pile of silver kiss peelings would be staring at me making me feel guilty. So, I would at least hesitate before I grabbed another handful. No, not anymore. There is no evidence. No pig indicators. This is not good. Not at all. This bag ain't gonna ever see the first cookie. And I've been good and staying away from the sweets. I stopped eating sweets right after Halloween. Yeah, I know that was only 10 days ago. But, still. You have to start sometime. And now this. My diet is so screwed.

Chronic CRS

I suffer from chronic CRS (can't remember shit). Ever since I hit 40 it has been steadily and quickly getting worse. I already post notes. I'm bad about forgetting to turn things off. I have given up lighting candles. The fire threat scares me. I have left the house for the weekend and with them burning. I remembered about 3am. I have gone to bed and forgotten about them. It is just too risky. I have to ground myself to the kitchen when I am cooking or I'll get distracted. I used to shake my head in disbelief at stories of people burning their house down because they went to sleep and forgot them were cooking. I could head that organization now. The boys came home one day to find eggs frying on the stove. Still in the shell. Not a lick of water in the pot. I was boiling them and forgot. Minutes after I put them on to boil, I forgot. I went and took a long, hot bath. This crap scares me folks.

The other night I was taking full advantage of the fact that all the boys were gone. Even though they are older, it is still the best time to clean. I can turn my music up so I can hear it in every room of the house (and down to the end of the block, too). I was heading down the hall towards my bedroom when a strange noise in the boys' bathroom caught my attention. I peered in to investigate. Holy Crap! The the water was running in the bathtub and is was micrometers from over flowing. I stood there with a blank look on my face trying to figure out why the water was running and filling up the tub. I couldn't remember turning it on. I didn't have any kids home to blame it on and surly the dog didn't do it. Gott knows he won't go anywhere near the bathtub without being bribed. I had turned it on with the intent of just putting enough to cover the bottom of the tub so I could add bleach to soak the footscum out. Then I forgot. I wiped the event clean out of my memory. I swear someone has one of those devices from Men in Black that make you forget everything. It is on full power and I'm on it's radar.

I don't know what to do about this. I've looked into all the vitamins and witchdoctor stuff to improve your memory. But, hell, I can't remember to take the crap. I forget I have it. The only up side to this, is that my Sweetie is worse than I am and he is always praising me for my wonderful memory.

How to get a Telemarketer to quit his job

Next time a telemarketer calls, try this.


Via: VideoSift

Spelling Tests

I wonder if John Kerry could pass these spelling tests. I took the first test and missed 3. It said the average misses 14 out of 50. But, it is 5:30 in the am and I have had NO coffee! That lousy maid and housekeeper of mine forgot to stock up. Good help is so hard to find. I should fire her. If I fire myself, can I collect unemployment?