Not ready to say Goodbye

I did a quick trip home to P'cola this weekend. My first time home since my best friend, Dawn, died in February. I had time and intentions to visit her gravesite. I couldn't bring myself to do it. I wasn't able to attend the funeral so going to her gravesite will make it final in my mind. I guess. I don't know. I just know I couldn't do it. I didn't call her family or anything. It was hard enough not picking up the phone and calling her the second I got in. Maybe next time I'll be able to do it. Now evidently just isn't the time.