Friday, September 23, 2005

Eggscellant Parenting

Daredevil is a father, sort of. He has a beautiful baby girl EGG. Yes, egg. Chicken egg. Which came first the teenager or the egg? And we know it is a girl because her chromosomes are written on her bottom. Appropriate place, I guess. Let me eggsplain. It seems that in an attempt to teach responsibility, he has to take care of a hard boiled egg/child for a week and keep a journal about how it interferes with his life.

Day 1: He had 20 points deducted. The cats decided to play with her and she got cracked (His dad's girlfriend was babysitting the egg/child while he was at work). I told him he should have drawn stitches on her and and wrote down that accidents happen but he took her to the eggmergency room.

So, the teacher told him and the other 10 -15 students whose eggs cracked, they should boil a new child since that one would soon start stinking. Guess the school only provides one child per student. Good thing they're cheaper by the dozen.

What does he do with his injured child? First, he tortures her with a pin and pokes holes in her. Guess she needed her immunizations and tetanus shot. Then, he and some of the boys played with her. Aw, that should make her feel better. Right? They used the child for a hackey sack. What goes through these teenage brains? Kick. Splat. LOL. Kick. Splat. Splat. OMG. LOL.

I don't think this is eggactly what the teacher had in mind. For some reason, I don't think he is taking this eggsignment seriously. He doesn't even know where he left his new daughter. He said, "she might be at my Dads....or in my locker....or I could have left her at school on the picnic table." Sure hope this doesn't reflect his future parenting skills. I'm not eggspecting a good grade on this eggsignment.

So, what how does an egg/child interfere with your life:

Day 1: Resist the urge to eat child. But, I've heard some mothers eat their young. Throw away Cookbook: 101 ways to prepare eggs.

Day 2: Put off grocery shopping. Can't let her see relatives in morgue.

Day 3: Read bedtime story. Green eggs and ham. Nope...throw book on floor. (Don't leave it there you will get a time out. Just ask VWBug of One Happy Dog Speaks.)

Day 4: Take her to chicken house to find natural mother. Eggads. Stinks. EWWWWW. Leave her to do her own search.

Day 5: Take 11 siblings out of refrigerator. Omelet anyone?!