SSAM

This Meme was originally titled "LALOLKFATYK " (Learn A Lot Of Little Known Facts About Those You Know). I think SSAM (Stupid Shit About Me) would be better. But, I will play along because it...well, just because.

WHERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Much to my mother's surprise and dismay, I was named after her (first name only). She intended on naming me Suzanne Marie. But, when the nurse came around to fill out the birth certificate my mother was not coherent due to complications so my father re-named me. My mom found out when the nurse came to verify the Birth Certificate. She wasn't pleased.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
The last time I was PMSing.

DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Some days. Sometimes it looks great and then other times it looks like a doctors.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Quizo's prime rib

DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
If they're not mine then someone has been playing a bad practical joke on me.

IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Hell no. That probably explains why I don't have a lot of friends and only 8 people read my blog.

DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
What do you think?

DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
As far as I know. Of course the aliens could have abducted me and taken them.

WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
No way.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Don't have one

DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Nope

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
No.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Turtle Tracks

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
That they are whispering about me.

RED OR PINK?
medium rare

WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
My memory....I think....I can't remember.

WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
My Dad because I've never gotten the chance to know him.

WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
olive green

WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
Indian corn

WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
The TV in the other room

IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
one of those multi-colored ones that are all melted together

FAVORITE SMELLS?
Dinner that someone else cooked

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Someone from work about a problem.

FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
NASCAR wrecks

HAIR COLOR?
only my hair dresser knows

EYE COLOR?
blue

DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
No.

FAVORITE FOOD?
Seafood

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
I don't do Scary

LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
Spiderman 3

WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
you're making assumptions aren't you?

SUMMER OR WINTER?
Spring, summer, fall...I don't do winter.

HUGS OR KISSES?
Yes.

FAVORITE DESSERT?
All of it.

MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Most everyone has done it.

LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Most everyone that wants to do it has done it.

WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
Excel, Access 2003. Yeah, I'm behind the times but we use it at work and I'm building spreadsheets and such.

WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
water ripples

WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT?
same stupid stuff that's always on

FAVORITE SOUND?
Laughter

ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
George Strait

WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
Which way? LA, NY, Bahamas

DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
Yep. I just haven't discovered what it is yet.

WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
On this planet

WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
I just want to see if anyone actually reads it.

Okay, Mom. I did it. Are you proud of me?

Maybe I should take a hint

My Mom had surgery Tuesday and got home from the hospital today. This is her second surgery in the past month. They are doing the rotor rooter routine on the arteries in her neck before they do a double bypass on her legs next month. She is doing good but needs someone there just in case. So, I am going to go home for a couple of days.

Well, I am trying. I let Improviser use my car today, as his died recently, to go to a job interview. He picked me up after I got off work and the plan was for me then to take him to work. When I got in the car I noticed the brakes were making an awful grinding sound. Strike One. Great. Wonderful. Just what I need the night before a trip. So, I stole Daredevil's car from him so I could take Improviser to work. Daredevil works close to the house so he didn't have to drive my car far as he had to be at work at the same time Improviser did. Is your heading spinning yet? Mine is. Then, on the way to take Improviser to work, I had to stop and put water in Daredevil's car. Strike Two. Improviser was a few minutes late for work.

Now, I have to make the great decision to try and replace brake pads tonight or just rent a car. Seeing as I would have to borrow a jack...and...Borrow the tools.. and...Cuss and Cry half the night. I opted for Plan B. I rented a car. I called my ex and made arrangements for him to take me to pick it up. Yes, I am friends with my ex. Not exactly friends but we are cordial and he helps me out as I have no family around me. I just called him and let him know I was ready to go.

"Be there in a few minutes."

A few minutes later the phone rings.

"Don't laugh too hard but I will be a little longer than a few minutes."

"Okay" wondering why would I laugh.

"I have a flat tire."

Strike 3.

Crap. Is someone trying to tell me something.

Vanity Plate

sticks' vanity plate:

IGOT 2P

'What will your vanity plate say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

I could see this on my car. Because it doesn't matter how short or long the trip, it seems that I always have to pee. I always end up running to the bathroom with my legs practically crossed. It is especially bad where I live since 90% of the time I will have to wait on a train. And most of the time it will stop and block the road.

Revenge is my mine...(if I choose)

I had a perfect opportunity for excellent blog fodder tonight and I cut it short.

The phone rang. I didn't recognize the name or number. I answered anyhow as I don't get that many calls and I got excited at the prospect of a human voice at the other end. There are only teenagers in my house and they don't count as human. If you have ever tried to have a conversation with one you understand.

Anyhow, I answer, "Hello".

"Hi my name is Ana and I was wondering. If you died tomorrow would you be certain you are going to heaven?"

I wish it had been a video call so she could have seen the dumbfounded, shocked look on my face. Not quite what I was expecting. Usually, it's "Is Leroy home" or some other typical wrong number inquiry. This caught me off-guard. I shook my head, rattled the few brain cells I still have left and replied, "Yes."

"How do you know?"

"Because I have my faith" and I hung up.

Damn. Damn. Damn. I blew my moment of opportunity. Oh, the things someone else would have thought to say. Damn. I wish I was quicker like that.

I'm just not a spur of the moment, off the top of my head kind of person.

But, I do have her number in my caller ID so all is not lost.

Why I don't get photos taken

I took all three boys to Sears yesterday for photos. I must have been out of my freaking mind. Now, I remember why the last photo of all four of us was 16 years ago.

"Don't touch your brother"

"Stop pushing"

"Quit making faces"

"Put your hands down, don't make rabbit ears above your brother's head"

"Get your chin off of my head"

They get older. They don't grow up.

Then, the lady gets the bright idea that we should do a pose sitting on the floor. Holy Crap. Doesn't she know I'm old and decrepit?

And I felt like crap yesterday too. The entire right side of my body was screaming. I couldn't move my head, move my right arm or my right leg without feeling like someone had a hot poker to all my joints and was having the time of their life torturing me.

I managed to fall to the floor as gracefully and softly as I could. Yeah, all the grace of a baby giraffe trying to use his legs for the first time. Now, once I'm gravity bound and can't fall even further she wants me to lean across Chowhound's lap and prop myself up. Crap. I can't lean on my right shoulder or hand without daggers stabbing in my shoulder. And wouldn't you know it that was the side I was positioned on. So, now I have to manage to crab walk/scoot/shuffle or just generally look like an idiot to switch sides. Then, we need to call a crane to get me back up off the floor.

The finished photos did look great. But, my what an ordeal for me. It was bad enough being in extreme pain but then having to take the heckling from my peanut gallery.

Somebody knock me up side the head if I ever get this bright idea again.

Hurricane Season

Trying to gather my thoughts right now is like raking leaves during a hurricane. So many big changes are coming soon.

Chowhound is abandoning me on Sunday. He will be gone for two months. This is my baby. The only one of the children who still likes to play with me. I think I'll have to tie something around my neck to entice the other two to play with me. Porkchops won't work with them. They prayed for a noose a time or two, I'm sure. Any suggestions?

If it wasn't bad enough that Chowhound is running away, Daredevil leaves for Parris Island in 45 days. And, Improviser is already out of the house battling this cruel, unfair, wonderful world. My children have grown their wings. Between July and August, I will have three weeks with just me and the dog. I don't think the dog is ready for that. Although, I do know that if I hang a porkchop around my neck he will play with me.

Support our Troops

I stumbled upon the blog of a young Marine, Jake's Life. He writes about his life in Iraq. He does a great job of putting humor in his writing and tries to find the lighter side of a tough situation.

This attack did raise some serious questions though. If you die in your underwear, do your buddies tell anyone? Also, one of our Doc’s was using the restroom when the first mortar hit, very close to where he was. He had no gear with him. He dove onto the ground and was faced with a major dilemma. Do you wipe before you run for your gear?? Or do you just go? He opted for wiping, which, lying down, I’m not even sure is anatomically possible. My buddy Muir was brushing his teeth when it happened. He dove onto the ground and grabbed his rifle. About 2 minutes later he realized that he was still holding his tooth brush. He thought, do I drop my toothbrush on the ground?? I mean, we still have a couple of days left, and I’ll need to brush my teeth. He must of dropped it because we never found it.

Go visit Jake and wish him the best.

I tag myself.

I feel like the kid nobody wants to play with. Everyone is playing movie tag and I didn't get even get chased. That's okay. My feelings aren't hurt. Not everyone can be one of the cool kids.

So, I'm posting my movies anyhow. I'll even guess them, too, if I have to. I severely suffer from CRS (can't remember sh*t) so I can do that. That is one of the advantages of having limited memory capacity.

1. Disturbing; Steven King; No opening credits; Louisiana; gun.
The Green Mile

2. Teenage boys; 1910's; 1060's; Airplane accident; animal attack.
Second Hand Lions

3. Self-destructive; Atmospheric; period piece; big game hunter; romance.
Out of Africa

4. Male-female relationship; love; canceled wedding; coincidence; department store.
Serendipity

5. Dragon; part live action; book; library; young boy.
The Page Master

6. Stage coach; male-female relationship; prospector; friend; saloon.
Paint your Wagon

7. shoes; love; godfather; male-female relationship; doorman.
While you were Sleeping

8. No Opening credits; half track; war; stabbed in chest; tragic incident.
Saving Private Ryan

9. Expatriate; British expatriate; Canadian expatriate; mission; boat.
The African Queen

10. Father-son relationship; mother-son relationship; flat tire; Indiana; blindness.
A Christmas Story

**UPDATE--I was tagged and just didn't get the notification. Thanks Tink! I feel loved now. I should never have doubted it. And Tink is really great at guessing movies.

Slogans

Whenever I have a sit down dinner with all of my boys I always end up just shaking my head in disbelief at the conversations. Last night was no exception.

Improviser was text messaging through most of dinner. All of his friends were sending birthday wishes and asking what time the party was started. His ID had already been whipped out at the liquor store. I guess it's a right of passage on that 21st birthday. The scene was set for a wild time (he hoped). The comment was made to make sure that no babies resulted from this wild night. Then came the condom slogans:

Daredevil: Make sure you wrap it before you tap it.

Chowhound: Don't be silly protect your willy.

Daredevil: Don't be a fool wrap your tool.

Where do they get these things? Commercials and Internet of course. So, being the good mother I am, I found some additional ones:
List of possible slogans promoting National Condom Week

1. Cover your stump before you hump

2. Before you attack her, wrap your whacker

3. Don't be silly, protect your willy

4. When in doubt, shroud your spout

5. Don't be a loner, cover your boner

6. You can't go wrong if you shield your dong

7. If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it

8. If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey

9. If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize

10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter

11. She won't get sick if you wrap your dick

12. If you go into heat, package your meat

13. While you're undressing venus, dress up your penis

14. When you take off her pants and blouse, slip up your trouser mouse

15. Especially in December, gift wrap your member

16. Never, never deck her with an unwrapped pecker

17. Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool

18. The right selection will protect your erection

19. Wrap it in foil before checking her oil

20. A crank with armor will never harm her

21. No glove, no love!

Some of these cracked me up. I like #7.

At least safety and prevention are being preached. Do you have any new slogans to add? (nothing vulgar please)

Package pick up

Daredevil had all four of his wisdom teeth cut out Tuesday. I went to pick him up afterwards. They told me to drive around back and knock on the door. It felt like package pickup at Circuit City or a secret cult. I figure they do that to keep the other patients from freaking out as a zombie comes staggering through the main lobby.

He is recovering nicely and actually looks good with some fullness to his face.


Five days until his graduation. Sixty-seven days left until he belongs to the Marines.

Totally legal

Improviser is 21 today!!

Wow. My oldest is completely legal. Scary. For his birthday we are off to a Japanese joint so he can sample Sake. I'm betting he doesn't like it.

I know a secret

I know a secret....I know a secret (about a blogger) and I'm not telling. You can't make me.




Unless.....



the bribe is good enough.

7 Random Things about me

Mrs. Who tagged me with a meme.

1. I carry a light jacket me with every where I go all year long. I find that most places are kept too cold for me. People look at me like I'm nuts when I grabbed my jacket when it is 98 degrees outside but I know it will be freezing inside so I don't care.

2. Cars I have owned: 1970 Ford Falcon; 1965 Ford Falcon; 1974 Ford Maverick Grabber; 1970 Ford Pinto; 1985 Ford Tempo; 1985 Chevy S-10 (my first vehicle not a Ford); 1990 Chevy Nova; 1995 Plymouth Voyager (yes, I did the whole minivan thing); 1998 Ford Explorer; 1996 Saturn SL1.

3. I haven't owned a vehicle made in the 2000's and the 2008s will be out soon. Damn. I just realized that.

4. Jobs I have had: telemarketer; fast food worker (Taco Bell); vacuum cleaner salesperson (Rainbow); Day care teacher and attendant; waitress; physical therapy receptionist and assistant; legal secretary and assistant; photographer and postcard salesperson on the beach; home health care worker; client trainer in a group home for mentally handicapped women; weekend relief worker for group home for physically handicapped clients; payroll and production clerk; heavy equipment operator; dispatcher.

5. States I have lived in: Florida; Virginia for a year and a half when I was 8. That's it.

6. Number 5 is remarkable considering I was a Navy brat. My father was in the Navy. My step-father was in the Navy. We moved once. Thus, the move to Virginia. I was a Navy wife. Twice. My first husband did three tours (four years each )in Pensacola, our home town. I wanted to travel. Nope, didn't happen. Divorce. Marry another Navy man. Oh, good maybe I can travel now. All the way to Jacksonville, Florida. Divorce. Still here. Hell, I've done more traveling since I divorced than I have did as a Navy wife.

7. My car has a cassette player in it. I do not own an MP3 player. I do have a cell phone that I use every once in a while. That's was my mother's day present last year.

I'm not tagging any one but feel free to post facts about yourself in the comments.

I don't want to hear this

In the car on the way home from the Band Banquet.

Daredevil: "Which hand does the engagement ring go on?"

Me: Stunned silence....reluctant "Why?"

Daredevil: "For future reference"

Me: holding breath "How far future?"

Daredevil: "Not anytime soon. Just want to know."

I am so not ready for them to be adults but I guess it is going to happen whether I'm ready or not.

Shining Moment

From my vantage point I can see the entire cafetorium. There are eight alternating black and red draped tables running the length of the room with a wide aisle down the center. Across the back is one long table running the width of the large room. The room is filled with parents and teenagers laughing, talking and reminiscing. A young man is at the podium announcing the graduating seniors and remarking on their accomplishments and futures. No, this isn't the commencement ceremony but it is "the ceremony" of the year. The final band banquet for a hand full of hardworking kids.

This is a special time for senior band students. It is an event they look forward to for four years. But, Daredevil is an exception. He has been in the high school marching band for not four years but six. This is because his school is a junior/senior high school. He joined the band program in seventh grade. Twelve years old and marching amongst the high school students. Finally, he is a senior. The years of sweat and agony behind him. But, this ceremony wasn't for him. This wasn't his school. I felt disappointment for him. He wouldn't get the spot light he so deserved.

You see, at the end of last year, the Band Director reluctantly announced to "his kids" that he accepted a new position with a High School in another county. There were tears. There was anger. There was sadness. Daredevil was torn. JW, the band director, was torn. He had built the program from almost nothing, he had twelve students when he started, to a vibrant, award winning band program that was eighty strong. For eight years he had dedicated his heart, soul, and every waking moment to teach these kids the discipline and strength it takes to be a top marching band. He had been raising these children for years and now he had to leave them.

Chowhound immediately decided that he would follow the director. Music is his life and this man had instilled that in him. There wasn't any doubt in his mind. The opportunities were what he could learn from his teacher and not from the friends and school he would leave behind.

But, Daredevil was different. Music isn't his life. He loves marching band. After all he is the lead bass drum player. He is the one that marches the entire group to the beat of HIS drum. Throughout the fall marching season he is the man. He loves it. But, when spring comes the story changes. He hates concert band and will find anyway to get out of it. He isn't in the band for the music. So, he struggled with the decision to leave his "home" school in his senior year. His "home" school hired a new director who had no marching band experience. The program collapsed so Daredevil switched schools so he could be in the marching band for his senior year. After the season was over he transferred back to his "home" school. He wanted to graduate with his friends. Thus, there was no band banquet at his "home" school.

So, last night, we are at Chowhound's school. Chowhound's band banquet. Although Daredevil had been a student there and was a senior he wasn't one of the seniors. We weren't permitted to sit at the tables in the center reserved for seniors and their families. Of course, being the independent cusses they are, my boys weren't even sitting with me or their father. I could see Daredevil from where I sat. He was seated at the edge of the room, laid back in the chair with his arms crossed. The last of the seniors were announced. My heart cried for Daredevil. I knew he wouldn't admit it but there was disappointment that he didn't get his shining moment. But, he accepted it because he had made his decision, knew the consequences and was okay with it.

Then something unexpected happened. Something forever etched in my mind and heart. After the last senior was announced, the band director stepped up to the podium. He personally called Daredevil's name. Daredevil stood up and all eyes were focused on him. JW joked about Daredevil going back to the other school. He proudly admitted that he had been teaching him for six years. He recalled his surprise when he learned Daredevil joined the Marines. He congratulated him and thanked him for having the courage and strength to fight for our country. The applause was tremendous and then one by one everyone stood and applauded my son. I fought back the tears. I have never been so proud. Daredevil had his shining moment and more. He instantly had the respect of every person in that room. He told me later that afterwards people kept coming up and shaking his hand, congratulating him and thanking him. He said it was something he would never forget.

Send prayers and rain

This map shows all the wildfires burning in Florida as of 4pm this afternoon. The massive fire in Georgia jumped the St. Mary's river and is threatening the homes of some of my friends and their families. They have been evacuated. This fire is just to the West of me. South of us is another massive fire that has other friends and families threatened. Please keep them in your thoughts and prayers.

Prayers must work. I asked for a hurricane and now we have the first named storm of the season, Andrea. Hopefully, it will rain enough to put out all of these fires. We certainly need it.

This map shows the major fires in the United States right now, their locations and their names. Sweat Farm Road (9), Big Turnaround Complex (16), Bugaboo Scrub Fire (11), and Dairy Road (12) are the major ones in this area.

Depending on the wind direction breathing can be difficult. The schools sent out an advisory to the students warning them if they have asthma not to come to school. Several of my friends' children have tried using this to get out of going. One girl told her father what the school said and asked it she could stay home. He said, "But, you don't have asthma--you're going." Give her credit for trying.

I'm not a "newsy" type person or a real religious one either. I rarely watch the news and I can't recall the last time I was in a Church. . But, looking today at the fires across the US and the flooding and the tornadoes made me think about the end of the world. Maybe I need to research that a bit more....Okay, I researched a bit and found this explanation of the end of the world. Wait for it to load. I thought it was hilarious. But, then again I have a strange sense of humor.

Wanted

Monsoon
Hurricane
Hunky Firemen


Anything to put out the fires in south Georgia. The smoke is killing me. It hangs in the air like a heavy blanket. I can't do anything outside. The smoke burns my eyes and is suffocating. If the hunky firemen can't put out the fire I'll settle for a little mouth to mouth resuscitation.

Kitchen and clutter

I've been taking the "damn pill". It has turned me into friggin Martha Stewart. I've barely ventured out of the kitchen this last week. I've baked more goodies in the last few days than I have the last five years. I've forgotten what the rest of my house looks like. But, I peeked around the corner and it looks like chaos. Effin clothes all over the place.

The "damn Pill" is supposed to help me sleep at night. Forget that. I can't sleep now. and when I do I have the weirdest dreams. I've warned my son not to drive cop cars even though his cop friend asked him too. My mom has a boyfriend and is living with me. Frickin nightmares.

Sleep. Sleep. I want some sleep.

Expert medical advice

I hate going to the doctor. Absolutely frickin hate it. But, I found a soft spoken yet frank doctor. He listened to my list of issues and confessed that I sounded exactly like his sister. She battles the same roaming pains. He prescribed a low dosage of anti-depressants. He cut me off before I could finish exclaiming that I am not depressed. Believe me, I have been in the clutches of depression. It's a maddening state. I fought like hell to get out of it and I know that now I'm not even on the same planet as depression. But, before I could get into my objections. He said, "I'm telling you like I told my sister. Just take the damn pill." Then he went into the technicalities and it makes sense.

He sent me to the vampire people for every kind of test possible. They took a half-dozen tubes of blood.

I'll go back in a few weeks to see what he finds but in the meantime I guess I'll just take the damn pill.

Giving Heros a Bad Name

It's amazing that obviously intelligent people can be so stupid. This guy is a doctor. (Play the video link at that site too. It's humorous.)

MELBOURNE, FL -- It's a dark day for Captain America.The super hero was busted after stuffing a burrito in his waistband Monday. According to police a man dressed as the super hero attacked a woman inside a Melbourne, Florida bar. She says he came into the bar brandishing a burrito, made rude suggestions and grabbed her between her thighs.

They had to do a line-up to identify him. He was not the only guy dressed as Captain America. This was an event sponsored by a pharmaceutical company. What the hell were they thinking?

Is this how the big money companies are enticing the doctors to turn us all into prescription junkies? Let's have parties and make all these drugs seem fun! Woo Hoo!!! Let me put my faith and life in these people's hands. Comforting? Yeah, right.

Yes, I'm cynical today. I hate doctors. I hate doctor appointments. I've taken off work today to go subject myself to another humiliating ritual. It's Mammogram day. Or rather the yearly smashing of the puppies so we can wonder later on why they're going flat and sagging. Am I the only one that sees the connection here? Prior to that fun filled event, I get to meet yet another new doctor. I've been doctor hopping for the last 10 years. (I know that sounds pretty sleazy) I have yet to find one I feel comfortable with and one I think listens to me.

This doctor I'm seeing today has been recommended by several people at work. I was impressed with his staff when I scheduled the appointment. I loved the honesty. I have a 10:30 appointment. She said he always runs late and that I would probably get in to see him about 11:15 but that he was a very good doctor. I appreciate the warning. I can prepare and bring a book or something to entertain myself.

I'm still battling this head to toe I hurt all over and feel like crap stuff. My sister described it perfectly. It's like I'm a human pin ball machine and this sharp intense pain is bing-binging throughout me all day long. I know that the pain could be a million times worse but it's just the constant I sensations and the unknowing when and where an ice pick is going to be stuck in me. The pains in my head and eyes scare me the worse. I've had them hit while I was driving and it took everything I could do to pull off the road without wrecking. I'm usually fine after about 30 seconds or so. The don't last long but they are intense. Now, I am always on edge. Just waiting.

I'll report back later. It's time to get my butt in gear.

The village's turn

Dear Neighbor:

Do you know what your children were doing tonight? No? Gee, could it be because they were locked out of the house so as not to wake up Daddy?

I truly understand about night shift and needing to sleep but in this day and time with all the perverts around is it truly wise to make your five year old daughter and seven year old son stay outside unsupervised? Don't you watch the news or read the paper? A six year old boy was just abducted, molested and murdered by a neighbor. It made national headlines. This was in a town within 50 miles of here. Have you checked the Internet? There are five sex offenders living within one mile of your house. Fortunately, for you I am not one of them.

Also, fortunately I have patience with children as I have raised three boys.

Yes, I can tell you told your children to stay in the yard but guess what---they didn't. Are you shocked?

Not as shocked as you're going to be when they come home fifteen minutes before bedtime all wired off of the two cokes and two sprites each I let them have. I promise you I was a thoughtful and considerate neighbor. I made them go ask if it was okay first. Yes, your son walked toward your house just out of my sight and then came back proclaiming that you said yes. Alrighty then, I did my part. So help yourself to the sodas kids. They've been sitting in my garage for a month. My boys don't drink them very often.

I had fun gardening with your kids. They both can handle a hoe, a rake and a shovel. I do want you to know that I washed your daughter's hand thoroughly after I caught her playing in the weed and feed I was spreading in my yard. Yes, if they are going to come in my yard and ask to help, you betcha, I ain't gonna say no. I did, however, draw the line at swinging the axe. I think that is a lesson for family to teach. Blood makes me woozy. I'm not sure what they did with all your tools. All I know is they took them back toward your yard. Oh, and by the way, your hoe is bigger than mine. Your son made sure to point that out.

Good job on making your daughter clean her room. Did the toys really go in the trash or did "Daddy" just put them out of sight somewhere? You missed some Dad and she thinks that is funny. She still has her Bratzs dolls so no big loss on the other toys. Just thought I'd let you know.

Your son may have a future as a stunt man. He is very skilled on his bike. The way he jumps off and pulls it back before he runs out into the street in front of a car is awesome. You should have seen it. Really. Gifted.

He can also shimmy up the pole to my basketball goal. He's quick too. It only took him mere seconds after I told him to stay off to do it again. I wouldn't have minded so much except that little rope anchoring it in the ground has been baking in the sun for four years and the firewood added as extra weight is dried out. The firewood is there because the base doesn't hold water. This goal will fall. All you have to do is look at the egg shaped hoop and the dents in the concrete for proof. Although, if it had fallen today it most likely wouldn't have hit the ground just my son's car. No big deal. He has just worked his *ss off to make the payments and insurance.

Can I borrow your son the next time I have a garage sale? He's really quick about pulling crap out of my garage. I think I had him put the racket, the tennis ball, the basketball, the Frisbee, the kickball, the extra sodas, and the axe back.

Also, they think you both yell too much and the babysitter is mean. She yells at your five year old daughter because she won't close her eyes and take a nap. She tried to explain to the babysitter that you told her it was okay to keep her eyes open as long as she laid there quietly but the babysitter ain't buying it.

Again, thank you for letting me entertain your children for an hour tonight. I forgot how tiring young children can be. I hope you have a great evening and the caffeine and sugar don't keep the children up too long.

I'm going to go hug my teenagers now and hand them each a box of condoms.

I know how he feels

How to train a Marine

Daredevil thought this was going to be a vacation. Ha! His initiation into diving taught him that it is not a sport for weaklings. Those tanks and all that gear get heavy.

We forgot the ladder to the boat so much thrashing was done to get back in. I have the bruises to prove it. I think I got more of a work out than he did on that aspect.

He did get a good one on Chowhound though. My Sweetie, his son, and Chowhound were diving while Daredevil and I stayed around the boat. Daredevil decided to snorkel. Since the waters are so clear he was able to stay right above the three of them the entire time. At one point, he dove down and grabbed Chowhound and then shot back to the surface. Chowhound was freaking out looking around trying to figure out what was getting him. He didn't think to look up. I am so glad it wasn't me. I would have stunk up the ocean.

That was day one.

Today was too windy to dive. It was just a touch to rough to take our little boat out. That and with three of us being beginner divers it just wasn't advisable so we played on the four-wheeler. Actually, we did hang out around the boat today. It was the only shade around. So, were sitting around like a bunch of rednecks on buckets and coolers under the boat. Yeah, quite a site.

All the boys took turns. But Daredevil got the workout. He was having a blast blazing up and down all the dirt roads. That is until it quit on him. He had been gone for an unusually long time without us hearing him so my Sweetie, his son, and Chowhound hopped in the truck and went searching. I stayed behind in case he returned. I walked up the road in the opposite direction the search party when and spotted Daredevil. He was at the top of a hill waving his arms. He was pushing the four-wheeler (except for down hill when he would jump on and ride). He pushed it quite a ways. Poor kid was tired.

I think he'll make a good Marine. He's tough.

Lionfish Invasion

The Lionfish is invading the Atlantic Ocean. This fish is native to the Red Sea. I saw one yesterday for the first time in the shallow, clear waters of the Bahamas. It is beautiful. But, like so many beautiful things it can be deadly. They are very poisonous. We kept our distance although my Sweetie kept threatening to push me into the thing. Men can be such brats.

A little late but...

...we made it. It wouldn't be a trip to Exuma without some sort of complication. It's tradition. I have been delayed in Miami (on more than one occasion) both leaving the country and returning home. I have been delayed in Exuma. Now, I have finally, officially been delayed on every leg of the trip from Jacksonville to Miami to Exuma, Bahamas. We missed our flight Wednesday morning. By three minutes. Three minutes late and they wouldn't check our luggage in. If we only had carry on we would have made it without any problem.

But, because Daredevil has a lead foot, we had to spend our extra time sitting on the side of the road with the dancing blue lights behind us. The cop was nice and understanding.

He asked Daredevil at what point did he realize that it was a police car he had passed (it was unmarked).

It was right as we were doing 70 to pass him and Chowhound asked Daredevil "Is that a cop? He has a spotlight on his car."

"No, I think it was an old police car that was probably sold at auction."

Then they spent the next few miles discussing it. They were coming to the conclusion that it was a retired car that the spotlight had been left on when the blue lights settled the debate.

He did reduce the ticket by putting we were only doing 69 in a 60 instead of the 76 we were actually doing. However, he only laughed when I asked for an escort to the airport since we were really, really running late by that point. So, we missed out flight. Instead of getting into my Sweetie's arms at 2:30 pm, I had to wait until 9 pm.

Officially...

ON VACATION!!!!

Tomorrow

9:45am flight to Miami
1:00pm flight to Exuma, Bahamas
2:30pm I'll be in the arms of my Sweetie

Yeah, tomorrow is going to be a good day!

Tell me

What defines love?

UPDATE: I found one explantion here.

Oh Yeah!

Your Celebrity Boob Twin:

Jennifer Aniston

Who's Your Celebrity Boob Twin?

Sorry T1G. I'm already taken.

Chowhound turns 17

My baby is growing up. So many changes. The biggest change this year was in the choice of his birthday dinner. I have always let my children choose their birthday dinner.

When Chowhound was little it was Chucky Cheese. We would climb through the tunnels, play in the balls, and dance to the silly characters. I was so grateful when he grew past that stage.

For a few years it was homemade spaghetti. He changed it to meatloaf when he found out his brothers hated meatloaf. Once a year he would have the upper hand on his older brothers.

Then, a few years ago we started going to Shoguns, a Japanese restaurant. We would sit at the hibachi tables, banging our fists on the tables, catching shrimp in our mouths, and listening to the same silly jokes year after year.

Now this year he announced he wanted to go to Hooters. Yeah, my baby is growing up. No longer entertained by a giant rat or Japanese cooks. No, he wants the hooter girls. So, we went. All three boys wanted to go. Imagine that.

Our waitress was the poster girl for Blondes Unlimited. Naturally, a petite, endowed blonde little chickie. Right away it was obvious she was not hired for her brains. A friend of mine lent me her camcorder for my trip next week. I brought the manual into the restaurant to review while I was waiting on the other boys.

The waitress looks at the manual and says, "Oh, I have one of those. I got it about two years ago and have never used it. I couldn't figure out how to work it."

Really trying hard not to come across sarcastically, I replied, "That is what the manual is for."

"Oh, mine had several big, thick books with it. They were all in foreign languages, Spanish, French, Latin, English. I just couldn't figure it out."

Chowhound and I cut our eyes toward each other at the same time. Did she really say that? We were both dying to bust out laughing but she stopped at the gift counter a few feet away. So, we held it in. The longest five minutes of the night.

Later, she walked up beside Daredevil as he was talking on his cell phone. Suddenly, she bends around sticking her chest and face right in his, stands back up and then laughs, "Oh, I thought he was talking to himself."

OMG. Was she for real? The boys were loving it. Chowhound kept snickering about her jiggling everywhere. She would walk away from the table and all three boys would about fall out of their chairs just to get a glimpse. Is a mother supposed to witness this?

She had the last laugh though. She had promised Chowhound that "they would take care of him". I don't even want to know what kind of perverted thoughts went through his seventeen year old testosterone riddled brain. She went over to the bimbo station and started clapping the others towards her. Yes, that's correct. She started clapping and one would join her and start clapping and slowing they all migrated towards the blond leader and stood in the corner clapping. Then, like a parade of chicks they headed towards the table. Four blonds and one brunette. She must have been the ugly duckling. They gathered near Chowhound and the leader asked him to stand up. She pulled his chair away from the table and then instructed him to stand up on it. She proceeded to hand him two menus, one for each hand and then told him to cluck like a chicken while they sang. His eyes got like saucers.

"What?"

"Flap your arms and cluck like a chicken."

It was effing hilarious. I had tears in my eyes.

Happy Birthday Chowhound.

Discrimation Suit

Improviser bought Chowhound a basketball for his birthday. Not just any basketball but a Spalding Neverflat. It is guaranteed to stay inflated for 1 year.

But, I can't play with it. It says so on the packaging.

"Recommended for males 12+"

MALES!? What is up with that?!!! It's not recommended for females? Do they think we can't handle this new technologically advanced basketball? OH! It's got NitroFlate in it. I guess that's too dangerous for us fragile females. It's a frickin ball.

I'm hurt and humiliated.

Spalding owes me compensation.

I'm suing them for sexual discrimination. Why should basketballs be gender relative? Don't they think there are rough and tumble females out there? They haven't ever seen me play basketball. I'm brutal to the ball. It has to withstand crashing into trees, cars, the house and occasionally the backboard.

I am so traumatized. I know my pain and suffering are worth something. Know any good lawyers?

Abandoned and Abused

Chowhound had a choice to make yesterday.

Go to the beach (that doesn't allow dogs until after 5 pm) with Daredevil and his girlfriend and her sister and cousin or hang out at a wonderful beach/lake park with Mom and the dog.

I lost.

I even tried to get them to come to the beach I wanted to go to. But, her Dad wouldn't allow that.

So, I took Remi on his first beach encounter all by myself. Needless to say, I didn't even attempt to bring the camera, handling a 110 lb dog is difficult enough. Remi had his best day ever! He wasn't to sure about the waves and water at first but after he tried to bite a few of them they became friends. He romped and played and made friends, both human and canine, with everyone. He was one wore out puppy dog by the end of the day.

Then, later, the boys further alienated me and the dog. Mostly Remi, but I felt sorry for him. They took delight in the fact that the dog hates loud noises. We had free range balloons rooming around the house left free from Chowhound's party. The brats started popping them and scaring the dog. Remi tried to use me for cover. But, a 110 lb dog doesn't wedge behind a person lying on a couch very easily. He ended up more like sitting on top of my head. Poor baby. Then, he disappeared. We searched the house. Finally, we found him hiding in Chowhound's closet. He refused to come out. I felt so bad for Remi. The brats found it hilarious. They are warped. Teenage testosterone does that.

Spring Smells

Spring brings the nose to life. It has so many smells. Today's birthday party/cookout for Chowhound was a prime example.

• The hamburgers and chicken wings cooking on the charcoal grill.
• The azaleas and roses in bloom
• Fresh cut grass (remember I live in Florida--we cut grass year round)
• The manure from the neighbors garden

Yes, folks. That's right. The day I plan a big outdoor event my neighbor decides is a great day to spread a truck load of manure. Fortunately for me, I decided to have Chowhound's party in the garage and front yard instead of in the screened-in porch across from their garden. Unfortunately, for the lady that lives behind me, she had her cookout in her backyard. She had blue and pink bells hanging everywhere so I think it was a bridal/baby shower. Yeah, and the wind was not blowing in a favorable direction. We got occasional whiffs of horse and cow stuff. I really didn't mind though. I have had differences with the neighbor behind me and it tickled me to know the snooty woman had to endure this too. I thought it was funny. I know that is a terrible way to be but I don't care.

Not everyone we expected showed up but a good time was still had by all. I was their biggest entertainment. I am a one hit wonder at ping pong. I hit more air molecules than anyone. I can miss the ball three or four times on the same try.

Chowhound had me in stitches last night during our practice run. He kept making fun of me. I have no hand-eye coordination or depth perception. It makes for a hilarious combination. One of the times, Chowhound sent a good solid hit my way. I slapped some air, jumped out of the way, and inadvertently blurted out, "Oh, shit!" He rolled. I will never live that one down. Never. He told all his friends too. And now evertime he walks past me he says, "oh shit". Effing teenagers. My only consolation is knowing that one day he will have teenagers too.

I'm alive

I realize that I haven't posted but twice this month. I've been busy but not that busy. It's just that I read a post that deeply affected me and I have been trying to find the right words in response. Nothing like immediate feedback. I know a long pause after a post loses the effect but I just haven't found the right words yet. I will. It is something I need to do. I just reacted and retreated into myself in response.

But, it won't be today. I have a cookout to pull together. Chowhound is having a bunch of people over tomorrow for his birthday party. He will be 17 on the 28th. My goodness my baby is growing up way too fast.

So, I'm off to Curves, the tanning place and then the store. I have less than two weeks to undo a years worth of laziness. I know it ain't gonna happen but at least I'm putting forth an effort. I have to get a starter tan so I don't cook like a lobster when I'm trolling around the Bahamas in 10 days. Yeah, I get to see my Sweetie. Chowhound, Daredevil and I are spending 6 days down there if I get their passports in time. Add another stresser. They are supposed to be here Monday. And of course, I need to buy the store out in order to feed 10+ teenage boys tomorrow. Oh, it's going to be so much fun.

Have a great weekend and I'll post my other thoughts if I survive tomorrow.

This makes sense

VWBug is my blog mother. She has sons, Tater and Tot. So, it is fitting that my Leprechaun name is:

Your Leprechaun Name Is:

Weebit O'Taters

What's Your Leprechaun Name?

It's Official...

I'm old. Somebody I thought was a really good friend told me a few days ago that I looked "mature". I am not mature. Mature women are members of AARP and get senior citizen discounts at Dennys. I have a long ways to go before I can qualify for discounts.

You think you know someone so well just to be dissed like that. Paybacks. Just remember paybacks. I have pictures of us looking not so mature. Just keep that thought stirring in the back of your mind.

South Florida Bound

I'm heading out to see my honey. I'm stopping along the way to spend a few minutes with my blog momma, VWBug and her cool dudes, Tater and Tot.

Ya'll have a wonderful weekend because I certainly intend to.

Warning: Body Parts Theft

It's something only the girls will understand!!!!!!!!!!!


Most of you have read the scare-mail about the person whose kidneys
were stolen while he was passed out. Well, read on. While the kidney
story was an urban legend, this one is not. It's happening every day.

My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. It was
just that quick. I went to sleep in my body and woke up with someone
else's thighs. The new ones had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Who
would have done such a cruel thing to legs that had been mine for years?
Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine? I spent the entire
summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to
living out my life in jeans and Sheer Energy pantyhose.

Then, just when my guard was down, the thieves struck again.
My ass was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains
to match my new rear end to the thighs they stuck me with earlier. I couldn't
believe that my new ass was attached at least three inches lower than my
original. Now, my rear complemented my legs, lump for lump. Frantic, I
prayed that long skirts would stay in fashion.

It was two years ago when I realized my arms had been switched. One
morning I was fixing my hair and I watched horrified but fascinated as the
flesh of my upper arms swung to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush.
This was really getting scary. My body was being replaced one section at
a time. How clever and fiendish.

Age? Age had nothing to do with it. Age is supposed to creep up,
unnoticed, something like maturity. NO, I was being attacked repeatedly
and without warning. In despair, I gave up my T-shirts.

What could they do to me next?

My poor neck suddenly disappeared faster than the Thanksgiving
turkey it now resembled. That's why I decided to tell my story. I can't take
on the medical profession by myself. Women of the world, wake up and smell
the coffee. That really isn't plastic that those surgeons are using.
You KNOW where they are getting those replacement parts, don't you?
The next time you suspect someone has had a face "lifted", look again.
Was it lifted from you? I think I finally found my thighs - and I hope
that Cindy Crawford paid a really good price for them!

This is not a hoax. This is happening to women in every town every night.

WARN YOUR FRIENDS!

P.S. I must say that last year I thought someone had stolen my breasts.
I was lying in bed and they were gone! As I jumped out of bed, I was
relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept.
Now I keep them hidden in my waistband.

Florescent Light is not sexy

I have come to the conclusion that the interior designers at Victoria's Secret should be shot. The lighting in the dressing rooms suck. It makes your skin tone look horrible. If they want to increase their sales they should put bar lighting in the dressing rooms. They could serve drinks too. Soft dim lights and alcohol make you look so much sexier. I would definitely have bought some of the outfits I tried on the other day if that had been the case. But, with the florescent nightmare of cottage cheese thighs staring at me, I ditched the clothes. I hate trying on and buying clothes especially bathing suites and lingerie for exactly that reason. It was so depressing. I didn't feel sexy at all. In fact, I left there and went straight to Sports Authority and bought a new pair of roller blades. Now, for the warmer weather to show up.

Going to State

Congratulations Chowhound! He made a superior on his Marimba solo at FBA District Solo and Ensemble on Saturday. Next month he goes to State. This is the second year in a row that he as gone to State. He sets his goals high. He performed Jungle Walk, a Grade 6 piece, this year. Next year he plans on perfecting a Grade 7 which the the hardest level.

This means that I will have a Marimba in my living room for at least another month. I laugh every time I think of it. The line from Close Encounters keeps running through my head, "I've got one of those in my living room." I'll have to rent the movie and let Chowhound listen to the alien "music". He'll be playing it. I already have the Final Jeopardy theme stuck in my head since he taught himself to play it.

...on the bumper of my...

SUV, uh, I mean, Saturn. It doesn't quite have the same impact as SUV but I'm proud just the same. I bet if I had that sticker on my SUV it wouldn't have been stolen. Daredevil gave me my sticker last night. I love it and proudly display it on my car.


I asked Daredevil what made him choose the Marines over the other branches of service. He thought for a moment then replied, "Probably because it is the most challenging." That's a fitting answer for Daredevil.

I come from a family of all girls. There are four of us. My mother longed for a boy but she had to wait for grandchildren for that dream to come true. The first grandchild was a girl. Her dream would have to wait another 7 years. Then she was blessed with seven grandsons within 5 years. All the boys are quickly becoming men. My oldest sister has three boys also. Her eldest was the first one to want to become a Marine. He was in ROTC all through high school. The recruiters reassured him that the heart surgery he had when he was 15 months old would not prevent him from being a Marine. He was crushed when he was rejected. Now, both of his younger brothers are Marines. One has completed bootcamp and is training to be a mortar man. The other leaves for bootcamp around the same time as Daredevil. We have three Marines in our family now.

My sister and I are proud but scared. This is such an uneasy time to have your son join the military. Especially, the Marines. I read daily about the casualties of our Marines and I know that there is a mother somewhere crying daily because her son came home in a box. And while that scares me to no end, I think what scares me worse are the mental wounds of war. They are so much harder to heal. As I said in my previous post, I want to protect him and I can't. So, much of what is going on in this world goes against my morals and values. I don't believe in killing and war but I understand that sometimes there are necessary evils. You have to stand up for what you believe in and defend it to the end. We didn't start this war. We just want to protect everyone we can and in whatever way we have to.

I look at these boys becoming men and I wonder when. When did this happen? Just yesterday, they were all running around hunting Easter eggs. They were swinging on the vines in the woods. They were fighting over toys and hitting each other with them. They were playing baseball. They were wrestling in my living room. (Oh, yeah. That was yesterday.) When did they grow up? Where was I? How come I didn't notice? I'm with them everyday yet some days it feels like I haven't seem them for years. Like I have been an absent parent. Soon they will have all sprouted wings and flown away. And while I don't want to clip their wings, I wonder if they are ready. Have I prepared them for life? Have I prepared them for the world?

(I'll finish this post later, my computer or blogger or something is acting up and I need to quit before I throw this computer through the wall.)

No longer Boy, Now a Marine

Daredevil enlisted in the Marines today.

I have so many mixed emotions about this. I am proud of him. He has turned into a fine young man. He made this decision on his own. He didn't discuss it with me prior to doing it. He is a man. He made a life altering, responsible choice.

But, I look into his shining, mischievious eyes and see my sweet but daring little boy. It seems as though it was just yesterday that he pulled up all of my freshly planted flowers and tossed them into the yard because I made him take a nap instead letting him help.

I am his mother. I have spent over 19 years protecting him. That is my job. From the time of conception when he was wrapped in the protective nest of my womb, I have pledged to take care, love and protect him. I spent sleepless nights holding him when he was sick. I have spent countless hours in emergency rooms making sure he gets the attention he needs. Somewhere through the years my protective powers have changed. I can no longer protect him. I can't protect his heart from breaking. I can't protect his ego. I can't protect him any more. He has become a man. He has pledged to protect me now. He has pledged to protect you, freedom, responsibility. I have done my job. Now, is time to sit back in awe and amazement at the wonderfulness he has become.

Ramblings

Chowhound had a pre-festival tonight for concert band. I love listening trying to pick out particular instruments. It puts me in my own little world. Particulary, since I am so tone deaf it's not funny. I have no musical inclination at all. None. Nada. But, I enjoyed it just the same.

Chowhound was chatty tonight which always makes for an interesting conversation. I never know what to expect. Throw Daredevil into the conversation and I had tears in my eyes. Unfortunately, my chronic CRS is acting up tonight and like the punchline to a great joke, I have forgotten what we were laughing so hard about. I know it was really funny. I can still see Chowhound doing the gestures. This is so frustrating.

Anyway, maybe it will come back to me. I do remember one of the stories. It was a definite lesson in keeping your mouth shut until you know what someone is talking about. The band director was absent one day last week. So, Monday he asked a group of band kids what they knew about this one particular kid, Z. The director wanted to know what happened. So, one girl starts going into the details of Z climbing into the band room ceiling and falling through into the percussion room. The directors eyes widened and he slowly starts walking towards the percussion room. Opps. This wasn't the incident he was inquiring about. Up until that point only the kids were aware of what happened. The substitute was busy playing on his laptop or something. The band kids were watching a "drum corps" DVD which turned out to be SAW3. Yeah, great things happen in band.

Up! Up! Up!

There goes my insurance premium just like a helium balloon. Two days after I received my insurance renewal, Daredevil's car is broken into. The window is busted and the radio stolen. Cha-Ching went the insurance premium. Four days later, he gets pulled over for speeding. Cha-Ching, Cha-Ching. My only saving grace is that I did not file a claim on the break-in since it only exceeded my deductible by about $100.00 and he was given a warning for speeding. However, the insurance card and registration were not in the glove box where I put them. Little gremlins seem to have stolen them too. So, after I provide proof it will only cost $15.00 to have the two tickets dismissed. Damn life is expensive.

Chowhound Question of the Week

Why does milk taste better when you dip oreos in it?






*blink* He has to ask?

Heros

Sometimes I am reminded that I live under a rock. I saw this video for the first time yesterday. Until then, I had never heard of Team Hoyt. My eyes welled up with tears as I read their incredible story and watched several more videos. Wow. They are truly amazing and inspiring. The inner strength and the love that motivate that father is beyond description. It makes me feel inadequate as a parent.


This is from the Today Show:

Recent Events

This is what has been happening in my life recently:

*Replaced the heater core in Daredevil's car.
*The check engine light came on in my car while on I-10 in the middle of nowhere.
*Chowhound brought home a Marimba from school. Most band kids have small portable, put in your pocket instruments. No, not my son. It took two cars to get it home because I have not been blessed with a truck.
*I made a quick trip to Pensacola to finally say goodbye to my best friend on the one year anniversary of her passing.
*The cops were at my door to report a suspicious looking character lurking around my house. Actually, it was just Daredevil checking to make sure I had turned the outside water spigots off after the freeze threat left. Nice to know they are watching my house. But, it would have been better if they had been watching the school yesterday....
*Someone broke in Daredevil's car and stole the stereo he just got for Christmas. Now, I have to replaced a window and a stereo. And wouldn't you know it, it was the day after I received my insurance renewal. I bet they change their quote now.
*My nephew, Gene the Marine, stopped by on his way to go see his brand new daughter. I was able to see her last weekend. She is a cutie.

There is a lot more but I'm out of time and brain cells.

Kudzu killer needed

Sometimes life just takes over like a kudzu vine and strangles the creativity and energy right out of me.

Beer Can Appreciation Day

Yep. You read that correctly. Today is officially Beer Can Appreciation Day. It's also compliment day. So compliment your beer can so it knows you appreciate it. If you don't drink, I'm sure it would be okay to compliment your significant other or even your kids if it would embarrass them. If you compliment kids without embarrassing them they think they are wonderful and then they have to do something to disprove you. So, don't take a chance on them letting you down, embarrass them.

I took this picture at the Naval Aviation Museum in Pensacola.

Rantings

Mrs. Who has an excellent rant about the idiots belittling the boys that were recently rescued from their abductor. If you haven't read it, go now. I'll wait.

OK. Now that you have read the post and the comments, you should understand that I am continuing my comment here instead of taking up her blog space for my rant. This story struck a nerve. A whole wad of them.

If you have never been in an abusive situation DO NOT CONDEMN OTHERS. You cannot truly understand the psychological effects and defensive mechanisms that are employed unless you have been there done that.

I've been there. I've done that. I can speak. "Why doesn't a child speak out when someone is doing something wrong to them?" There are several reasons. First and most importantly, self-preservation. Usually in an abusive situation violence and fear are the first things the abuser uses as control. It may not be directed at you. But, it is implied and is usually demonstrated on someone or something. In my situation, my step-father would beat the hell out of my mother anytime she stood up to him. If he would do that to an adult then what the hell would he do to a child that was disrespectful. And that is how you see it. Children are taught to respect adults. Adults are in charge. Children get in trouble if they speak up to an adult. Also, children love unconditionally. They think if they just keep trying harder to please this person then they will eventually love them. The adult shifts all of their shame to the child. The child carries this heavy shame. They take the blame. That's what we are taught as kids. Adults are right. Children are wrong. A child will then do anything to appease the person. They will do anything to not make them mad.

I carried around guilt and shame for over 25 years. I did not tell anyone about the molestation until 2 years after it had stopped and I had moved away. I was 19 when I finally broke down and told someone. When I was 25 my step-father was arrested for abusing the little girl next door. It was then I spoke up and told my story to the investigators. During the depositions, the defense attorneys' wanted to know why I never told anyone. After all, in their eyes I had been old enough to tell. I was first abused at age 8 and it continued until I was 17. But, they didn't look at the big picture. They said I had opportunity to tell someone and I didn't. Just because there is an opportunity in "real time" doesn't mean that you can see it. Fear is powerful. Shame is excruciatingly powerful. All I knew was that I was doing something wrong. I didn't want to get in trouble. That is how children see it.

My step-father sent me a letter while he was in prison. In it he apologized for making me have such an unhappy childhood. I replied that it wasn't all unhappy; that it was inconsistent. It was the worst and the best. That is what was so confusing. As I child, I couldn't figure out how to love and hate someone at the same time. It had to be either/or. And since I was taught in Sunday School to forgive and forget, I tried. Then I condemned myself when I couldn't tell him I loved him and I couldn't walk away. Again, I took the blame. Abusers are usually not mean 100% of the time. They reel you in with love. It is a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde life. You walk on eggshells never knowing what or when they might be set off again.

I imagine that boy went through some of the same things. He needs love, support, and understanding right now not condemnation. He needs to know he is not alone anymore. That we are standing not just behind him but around him providing him with whatever he needs to get his life back.

Mr. Jingles Escapes

Mr. Jingles has come to Florida and has decided that this is a circus house. I have been battling this nasty rodent. He is a smart and crafty SOB. He avoids the zillion glue traps I have. I'm having a heck of a time catching this critter. My trusty companion, Remington (my dog not the gun-although I am getting close to shooting the critter-the mouse not the dog-although that crossed my mind at 4 am) has been helping track him. Yes, I'm rambling. It's 5:30am and I have been up since 4am when the dog chased the mouse into my bedroom. I awaken to a 110 lb dog trying to squeeze under the dresser next to my bed. I stand on my bed which is a mattress and box spring sitting directly on the floor, clean off the top of the dresser and then tilt it over. The mouse comes running out, sees the dog and dashes back under the dresser. I then took all the drawers out of the dresser and turned the dresser over. Houdini mouse is gone. I'm still standing on the bed through all of this.

I named the mouse, Jingles, after the mouse from The Green Mile because this story actually started yesterday morning when my great tracker dog chased the mouse into the living room closet. I have a bunch of boxes full of crafts and such in there. So, one by one I'm pulling the boxes out of the closet. It looked like that scene from the Green Mile. Lo and behold Houdini Jingles was gone. Now he did another disappearing act.

I am about to lose my mind. I will not be able to get any sleep until this critter is captured.

S.x Hair

I'm thinking of getting my hair done in a new style. So, I'm looking at different hairstyles on the computer when Chowhound breezes through and peeks over my shoulder. I was looking at this picture and laughing. He glances at it and comments...





"Sex hair."

"What do you know about sex hair?"

"I see it all the time at school."

"What?!"

What the heck is going on at the school? I think I need to go see the Band Director and Principal.

Happy Birthday Mom

A wonderful lady turned 73 today.

Happy Birthday Mom!

Why I don't mind working OT

I get to play with new toys. It drives like a dream.

Don't be Jealous

Sleep.

Sleep.

Sleep.

I think I have finally gotten some apparently much needed rest.

I have been sluggish the last couple of weeks. Absolutely no energy. Coming home from work and napping for a few hours in the evening didn't help any at all. There's nothing but crap on TV at Midnight. I've been so tired I haven't even felt like blogging. Now, that's tired.

I think I have it all worked out now. Yesterday, I came home from work at 3pm, ate and then had my nap attack. I work up at 6:48 trying to figure out if it was Sunday evening or Monday morning. I hate that feeling. It was still Sunday. I fell back asleep before 8:30 and only woke up once around 10pm to do a head count. I sleep better when I know where my children are.

I think I needed some rest. Maybe, I can get back on track again.

Confrontation time postponed

I didn't do it. I didn't talk with my co-worker today. Not because I was scared but because I have compassion. You see, I was waiting for a proper moment. A time when I could quietly pull her to the side and talk. I didn't want to be interrupted or do this around people. I just think that is the way to do things. Anyway, I figured the afternoon when it was slower and just she and I there would be the best time. As I waited for an opportunity, I saw my boss quietly talking to her and she was wiping away tears. I don't think this had anything to do with my situation as I did not go to the Boss about it and he wasn't around when it happened. I don't know if someone else said something to him about it or that maybe this was totally unrelated. I will wait and see if it happens again. If it does, I will be more prepared as I have practiced my speech over and over to myself. I have to remember, just because she thinks I am wrong doesn't mean I am.

UPDATE: She came up to me yesterday and apologized. She muttered something about one of those days. We hugged. She really is a sweet girl. I hated that there was friction between us. So, for now, there is peace. However, I will still be cautious and have my guard up and I hate that.

New Recuiting Slogan?

A Marine Recruiter called Daredevil tonight. Interesting conversation. They talked for quite a while and then the recruiter says, "Wait. Wait. Wait, I don't even know if you're qualified yet. I need to ask you some questions."

"Have you ever been in the back of a police car?"

"Yeah. I was 10."

I imagine there was an audible *gulp* on the other end.

Yes, folks. I have stories I have not told. There is nothing like opening your door at 2am to find a Policeman standing there. I can't recall the exact conversation but more or less "Do you know your children are out running the streets at 2am?" I was stunned. They were in bed when I went to bed at 10:30. Holy Crap they were only in Elementary School. I never dreamed that I would have to deal with the police when they had just hit double digits.

I was married at this time and had 3 step-children, 2 boys and a girl, as well as my own 3 boys. Yes, I was mother to six children each a year apart. Chowhound was the youngest at 8. His daughter was 9. Daredevil 10. His youngest son was 11. Improviser 12. And, his oldest was 13. I should have been committed at this point. But, soft-hearted me also had taken in 2 girls who were 16 and 17 and being molested by their adoptive father. And if that weren't enough, I was hosting a 16 year old exchange student from Bulgaria. Yeah, what the hell was I thinking. Nine fricken kids under one roof.

So, initially, when the policeman said he had my children in the back of his car I wasn't sure which ones it would be. After all, there were 9 to choose from. I was horrified that this was happening to me. He had caught up with them on the roof of the elementary school about a mile away. They had been seen playing in the construction equipment and drainage pipes next to the six lane highway that was under re-construction.

So, I stood there with my heart pounding, hugging my bathrobe tight around me as the Policeman opened the backdoor of the squad car. The first of the culprits start to climb out. My X2B's youngest boy. No surprise, he was my problem child. He is wearing camouflaged shirt and pants, combat boots and his face is painted for war. (left over Halloween paint) Yeah, this is getting better by the minute. Then delinquent number two comes crawling out. Matching outfit. It is Daredevil. I believe this was his first caper. And, I might be mistaken, but I think I remember his arm being in a cast at the time. Mother of the year, here I come. The third criminal was hiding in the darkness. I expected to see X2B's oldest son. Finally, after prodding by the Police Officer, Chowhound, who is only 8, sheepishly comes out. My baby! I was in utter disbelief and embarrassment. I wanted to kill the three of them. But, I was so grateful that they had been returned safely I just hugged them. Sentencing and Punishment would come in the morning. The Officer just turned them over to me and left. Thankfully. (I have no idea how come I am not in the loony-bin).

Now, I don't think the recruiter got the full version of this story from Daredevil just that he was 10 and didn't get arrested or put in juvie.

Question #2.

"Have you ever smoked Marijuana?"

Daredevil took the Politician approach. "Once." I don't think whether or not he inhaled was challenged. He claimed it was over a year ago so the recruiter wasn't concerned.

Boys are so much fun to raise!

The conversation finally went around to careers. Daredevil explained he wants to be an Engineer. To which the Marine Recruiter replied, "Well, we don't just kill babies. We do have other things." I was floored when Daredevil told me what he said. It was said in a joking context as we started off the conversation very jovially. And, I admit that we did laugh about it. But, the more I think about it, what a thing for a Marine to say even as a joke.

I read the mil-blogs all the time and I am proud of the wonderful men and women who sacrifice so much for us. I have seen pictures and read stories of the love and compassion they have shown the innocent children in other countries. Especially in Iraq. It bothers me that this recruiter thinks that is the imagine people have of Marines. Where is his pride? Where is his loyalty? I feel like he was selling out his brothers and sisters by making that comment. Maybe, I'm too sensitive or thinking too much into it. But, I just don't think a Marine recruiter should joke about such a thing. Am I wrong?

Confrontation time

I'm confronting the work bully today. I'm not going to walk around on eggshells at work because someone has an attitude problem and wants me to think I'm the one with the problem. I've worked long and hard to get comfortable around people and I'm not letting one little socialite set me back years.

Wish me luck and strength and no tears.

Frogs get in the darndest places

VWBug posted about finding a froggie in a strange place. I, too, have encountered one of these curious little creatures in an odd place. Silly frog startled me when I went to plug the extension cord into my electric weed eater.

I had a difficult time trying to get him out. He did not want to leave his cozy little home. Silly Frogs.

What a horrible, humiliating day I had today. I was at work just minding my own business trying to solve an issue when a co-worker jumped my shit. She starting yelling at me from the other room, asking me what MY problem was. Crap. I about died. I am not a confrontational person. I was completely caught off-guard. She accused me of making a smart ass comment to her which I did not. I was totally humiliated. I ended up retreating to the bathroom trying to keep from crying. It didn't work. I feel like such a stupid idiot. I'm 42 frickin years old and here I was hiding in the bathroom crying like I was in grade school again. Then, I spent the next hour and half trying to keep from crying just trying to make it until the end of the day. Meanwhile, she is in the other room laughing like nothing happened. I'm such a stupid wimp. I try to get along with people. Evidently, I'm doing something wrong because I never seem to fit in anywhere.

"I'm sorry" how long does it work

I was talking with a fellow blogger the other day, Her young son was acting up and he knew he was doing wrong. He quickly said I'm sorry as soon as time out was mentioned. She said that he uses "I'm sorry" all the time now thinking it will get him out of trouble. This reminded me of a piece by Erma Bombeck that I clipped out and tucked away many, many years ago. It is one of my favorites. Just think of this the next time someone says, "I'm sorry."

Asking forgiveness is harder than forgiving

"I'm sorry."

It starts as two little words a child puts together when he has broken a toy or wet his pants.

But the two little words have a great effect on Mama. Her eyes soften, her lips part into a smile and she envelopes him with her arms in a show of forgiveness.

To a child, "I'm sorry" is the miracle phrase of the century.

"I'm sorry I pulled up all of Grandma's flowers by the roots." Mama shakes her head and smiles. Grandma even snickers. It's still working.

"I'm sorry I took a candy bar without paying and hid it under my coat." Mama's smile fades. In fact, she insists the child walk right into the store and say those two little words to Mrs. Musselman who doesn't smile at all.

"I'm sorry I didn't clean my room today." "I'm sorry I got an F in geography." "I'm sorry I lost my sweater." "I'm sorry about the TV knob. It just came off in my hand." "I'm sorry I don't like cauliflower." "I'm sorry I forgot to say I'm sorry."

Mama responds numbly to it now. Occasionally she mumbles, "You should be."

"I'm sorry I wrecked the car." "I'm sorry I took the money from your purse." "I'm sorry I lied to you."

Mama has now had it with "I'm sorry." She says, "You think it solves everything. Well, it doesn't. You've said it too many times before." It isn't working. What happened?

Most of the mothers who write me wonder how they can tell when a child says, "I'm sorry," and means it.

There was the daughter who ran away from home to live with her boyfriend in the home of his parents who were really "neat." She was sorry. There was the son who lied to his grandmother to get money to have this truck fixed and used it for an abortion for his girlfriend. He was sorry.

Maybe I'm naive, but I believe every time they say, "I'm sorry," they mean it. It's the only phrase they've got to try and recapture that wonderful moment when our eyes soften, our lips part in a smile and we take them in our arms and forgive them.

It isn't easy to forgive. Never underestimate how tough it is for parents to go back to square one and start trusting them again. They've been hurt, lied to, humiliated and emotionally ripped off.

I have to remember there's only one thing harder in this world than forgiving.

It's to ask for forgiveness armed only with, "I'm sorry."

Chillin'

Ever have those weeks when you just don't have anything to add to the conversation?